He stared at her, trying his best to focus on her face, knowing she was right and it was time to come clean. Instead, he felt himself being drawn back to his childhood and the horrific vision of his mother being carted from the house with his father screaming at the doctors to help her. His breathing became short and labored, his vision blurred. His tongue dried and thickened in his mouth.
“Stay with me, Drew. I’ve got you.” Her voice soothed him but couldn’t chase away the pain as the memories caught him full on. The smell of the blood, his father’s cries for help, his elder brother trying to hold onto him to stop him running after the ambulance. Aggie stood at the top of the front steps, her face pale, and a young Matt clung to her dress, the tears running down his little cheeks.
The huge bulge of his mother’s stomach as she lay unresponsive would haunt him forever. Drew might have only been eight years old, but he was sure there was something he could have done. He was the son that always stood up whenever his mother needed help. The brother who helped out and soothed tears when their mother was busy or as of late, sleeping due to her advanced pregnancy.
The brother that had let them all down. The son who stood rooted to the spot and couldn’t bear to touch the woman who’d birthed him, as they took her away.
“I failed. So badly.”
“Who did you fail?” She wiped at his cheeks, brushing away the tears he didn’t even realize he was crying. “It certainly wasn’t Sally or Paul. If it wasn’t for you and Liam, we would have lost both her and the baby.”
“I failed my mother.” He sniffed and took the tissue she handed him. “And my brothers and sister.”
April tilted her head and frowned, not understanding what he tried to tell her.
“When my mother gave birth to the twins, it was a C-section.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. Do you know why that was necessary?” The blue of her eyes darkened. He’d never noticed that happened when she was listening before.
“She had pre-eclampsia. They didn’t understand it back then and waited too long to operate.” He could still hear the anguished wail from his father when he was told. That sound would never leave him.
“Drew, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. You hardly knew her, but she was the best.”
“I’m sure she was.” April moved closer and put her arm around his back and dropped her chin on his shoulder. “You did an amazing job in there regardless of what baggage you’re carrying. You know you can save lives despite what happened to your mom.”
He looked at her, puzzled.
“You don’t want babies born here because what happened to your mom, is what’s holding you back, right? You’re scared you won’t be good enough to save everyone that comes through those doors.”
Chapter 20
Bradley walked up the steps to the front door and knocked, scaring Drew half to death. The last couple of days it had been hard to focus on much and he found himself lost in memories.
“Daydreaming I see.” Rocket strained at the leash, whimpering when he saw Drew. Bradley let him go and he raced inside to launch himself onto Drew’s knee. He licked his chin before turning around in a circle and plopping down and closing his eyes.
“Make yourself comfortable, why don’t you?” He looked up, gave his visitor a smile, and invited him inside. “Come in, Bradley. You don’t have to wait to be asked, you should know that.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” He walked in, took his hat off, and turned to look out the big picture window. “I’ll never get over the view from this house. Not a wonder you don’t want to move out into your own place. Although, I hear the views from there are pretty spectacular too.”
“You here to see Dad or are you here to dig into my brain?”
“You know I’m after you. I thought I’d give you a day to sort things out in your head before I ambled over. April told me what happened when I called in on her yesterday to see the children.” He moved over and eased his bulk down into an easy chair that still gave him a view out of the window. “Lucky you were around, wasn’t it?”
“Do we have to do this?” Even though it was well overdue, it wasn’t something he wanted to revisit. The day it happened was more than enough for him. Keeping it buried would be easier and a lot less stress if he kept it tucked away.
“Yeah, it’s well past time, don’t you think?”
“Maybe, but I’m not the only one who has issues from losing her.” He ran his fingers over the spiky hair of the little terrier sleeping on his knee.
“No, true. But you’re the only one who’s cracked so far. That tells me that it’s time for you to deal with the loss of your mother. Tell me why Sally triggered it for you?” He leaned his chin on his hand and gazed at Drew with calm eyes.
“When I was an intern, we had someone come in with the same condition Mom had.” He struggled through the explanation, pausing every now and then to settle his panic and start again. Bradley let him talk, only speaking up when Drew was silent for too long. Eventually the whole story came out, the same one he’d shared when he opened his heart to April.
“Well, you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?”
“I’m not the only one.” He refused to make out he was.
“No, that’s true, but how is Liam dealing with your issues? He wasn’t around when she died so that wouldn’t affect him on the same
