* * *
Kate lay in her bed as she stared up at the peeling paint off the small patch in the middle of the ceiling. A wave of despair rolled over her, along with the knowledge that she was steering a slowly sinking ship with no rudder. She had tried to thrash out the figures last night with Tilly, her surrogate grandmother and housekeeper, before the woman got so upset that she changed the subject.
I needed a clearer understanding of what we're facing before the meeting with the lawyer today to read the will. I know there's little or no money in the bank, but we will at least have Dad's life insurance.
Kate threw back the blankets and put her feet on the cold floor. She walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. With a sigh, she pulled the old cotton nightshirt over her head before she threw it in the wash basket. Her panties were dropped to the floor, and she turned her body to inspect herself in the full-length mirror behind the door, wondering again why Magnus would even look at her.
The bevy of beauties he was photographed with all looked like they were bigger than they should be in the boob department. Nothing like he was used to if what she read in the gossip magazines was true. Her small breasts would never fill the low-cut dresses his dates wore. I wonder if he will be disappointed when he sees me naked for the first time and renege on our deal. Her fingers trailed down her stomach before lingering on her hips. After a few seconds, she slipped her hands around to cradle her butt cheeks. Her hips were slight. Almost like a boy's. She turned to check out her butt. Full and feminine. Right, more likely wide and too broad because I spend so much time in the saddle, it flattened out and spread farther than it should have.
She turned back and let her fingers trail down to the small patch of dark hair that nestled between her legs. How am I going to react when he touches me here? Will I freeze and fight him, or will I turn wild and wanton like a mare in heat?
Her face flushed with the possibility, and she chided herself for even giving any thought to the deal he had offered. She stepped into the cool shower and let the water run over her head while she tried to block the vision out of her mind. She failed and contemplated the thought of his hands on her body, sending feelings rushing through her she had never felt before, feelings that scared her.
* * *
When Kate came in for morning tea, Tilly was making the lawyer welcome.
"Hello, Ross. Thanks for coming out." Kate was pulled into a big hug.
"The least I could do, Katie, my girl. Your father was like a brother to me. You know that." His voice was gruff as he gave her back a quick pat of affection. "This is hard for me.."
A cold rush of dread rolled down over Kate's shoulders and squeezed her stomach in anticipation of the lawyer's next words. Tilly placed her hands on Kates shoulders, the gnarled fingers digging at her skin. She felt faint as a hollow wind rushed around in her ears.
"Just spit it out, Ross," Kate said. "How bad can it possibly be?"
"I'm afraid all your father left you is this farm and more debt than you can imagine. Confidentiality kept me from mentioning it before he died, as much as I would have like to prepare you. I am so sorry, Katie. You have nothing."
"What about his life insurance? That will keep us going for a little while, at least while we try to fatten up the steers for market." Mentally she calculated the cost and time it would take to bring the steers to market weight.
"Honey, that was cashed in years ago; there is nothing left."
"No, that can't be right!" Kate's fists clenched under the table. "I know we never had much, but surely you are wrong. Dad would never use his life insurance for anything other than the farm. He always said that was for when he was gone so I would be able to keep going."
"What is the debt you are talking about, Ross?" Tilly asked. She slid her arms around Kate's shoulders and rested her chin on her hair. The familiar smell of the older woman calming Kate's shaking body.
"Personal loans. He used the farm as collateral for more than one over the years, Tilly. I hate to be the one to tell you this, Katie, but your father developed a severe gambling problem after your mother passed away." Ross shrugged his shoulders and gave her a sad smile. "It was his way of coping, and there was no way I could talk him out of it. He called it his escape route, and now you unfortunately have to pay for it."
The ringing in her ears quieted as her body shut out the platitudes the lawyer threw her way. Her mind was already racing with options for saving the farm, excuses to the staff that relied on her, and apologies to her parents' memories for what she was about to do. Her brain started to analyze the farm's running expenses. There had to be somewhere she could cut back and save a few dollars. She would look at anything to keep the farm going. The sudden shock of her father's gambling problem was pushed to the back of her mind as she tried to find a way to save the only home she knew. The farm was her life, her blood, everything she had worked for.
"I want it all written down so that I can go over it." She lifted
