When she returned to the kitchen, Josh was helping Tom with the dishes. The shearers were already in the bunkhouse for the night.
“Sorry you had to witness that, Josh. It got out of hand, and I think the only way Nathan knows how to solve an argument is to kiss me or yell at me. It won’t happen again.”
“You told me you wouldn’t let anyone talk to you like that again, so why do you let him get away with it?” He turned from the sink, his voice hitching with the hint of tears threatening to override his anger. “I thought we came here for a better life, and it’s just more of the same old thing. He pushes you around like Grandad did, and you let him, Mum. Why?”
“I’m not going to discuss this with you anymore, especially not while you’re upset.” Libby’s mind was already made up. “I’ll deal with it my way when I’m ready. Now, bedtime.”
Josh sulked off to bed, and Libby helped Tom finish cleaning up.
“Want to talk it over, Libby?” Tom hung up the dishcloth.
Libby stretched out her aching back and rubbed her neck as she thought about the offer. She’d never had anyone to share her confidences with before. Tom was almost family already, so why not?
“I don’t know what’s going on.” She hated to admit she was floundering but needed to get it out. “It’s like he just wants to stir me up, and I know he doesn’t really even want me for myself. He wants what I have, but that still doesn’t make my frigging hormones understand. The sparks fly whenever he gets too close, and that’s just bloody ridiculous.”
Tom looked at her with his head to one side, appearing at a loss for words. “Have you not dated anyone since you lost your husband then?”
“If you’re asking in a roundabout way if I’ve had sex since John died, then, no, I haven’t.” Libby lowered her eyes.
“Phew. Well then, I can see why he stirs you up and all. But what’re you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.” She rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. “I can’t have him scaring Holly like this though.”
“Once she gets to know him a bit better, surely she’ll be all right.” Tom cleared his throat.
“It’s not just him though. It’s the whole loud voices that gets to Holly. I may as well explain properly.” She threw her tea towel down and took a seat at the table. “When John was killed, his father came to see me. It’s funny when I look back on it now. I thought he was coming to offer me his condolences and support. I should’ve known better. He’d refused to come to our wedding. Apparently, I wasn’t good enough for their family. Not in the same class, if you know what I mean.” It still hurt even though she told herself it didn’t matter. “He came to abuse me, blamed me for causing John’s death.”
“How were you to blame?”
“That’s just it. I wasn’t. John’s family came from money, and he accused me of marrying him for that reason. John walked away with nothing from them when he realized how they were going to treat me if I married him. We worked our butts off for everything we had. That’s why we moved so much in the early years. There was always a better-paying job somewhere, and he just had to have it, if only to prove to himself we could do it without his parents’ help.” Libby rubbed her hands over her face and continued. “The night he was killed, he was coming back from an interview for another job. He got hit by a drunk driver and didn’t stand a chance. Wrong place, wrong time, fate; call it what you will, but his father’s blamed me for it ever since.” She shrugged her shoulders when Tom leaned over and rubbed his hand over her back. “He came over that night to tell me. The kids were in the kitchen when he stormed into the house. Josh was nine years old. Can you imagine what that does to a kid to see his mother being screamed at by an uncontrollable bully? The poor kid tried to defend me even then, but his grandfather just brushed him aside as if he were a speck of dirt. It’s not a wonder he reacts that way when Nathan is pushing his weight around.”
“Oh, Lib, I’m so sorry.”
“That wasn’t the worst of it though,” she continued, twisting her hands together on the tabletop. “Holly was a baby, just shy of turning three. She was clinging to my legs and crying because she was scared with all the yelling going on. He picked her up and shut her in a bedroom in the dark so he could berate me and be heard over her cries. I tried to fight him, but he was angry and so much stronger than I was. I let him rant and rave at me while my baby screamed in the dark, hoping he’d get it over with and leave us alone. I figured it was better than having him lash out and hurt one of the kids, but she still suffers from it. Every time she hears someone raise their voice, she shakes and totally freaks out.” She took a deep breath, looked at Tom, and continued. “If nothing else, Nathan has to be aware he can’t yell in front of my kids, no matter what the reason. I don’t care what he thinks of me; really, I don’t. I just want him to give my kids a break. I don’t think that’s
