Yes, no. Oh hell, who knows? “I just wonder if I tried harder, would this all have happened? I so wanted a stable family for Kyle. I can’t help but think it’s all my fault I suck at relationships.”
“Snap out of it, girl. Hell, the first relationship was hardly all love and roses was it? He was some guy who scratched an itch and you got left with the consequences, not that you’re upset about having such a great kid. Don’t make that more than it was and take the blame either.” She turned around to pour boiling water into the mugs and added milk before handing one to Lena. Gail sat back down and looked at her. “Spit it out and get it sorted before it eats you alive. I know you and what you’re capable of. You’ll cruise along pretending you’re over it and then it will hit you right in the ass. Speak to me.”
God I needed this. She’s the only one I can say these things too. “It’s just I wonder if he really wanted us, you know. Or did he have his sights set firmly on what he could get for the future. It kills that he won’t speak to me so I don’t know. Was it my fault we fell out of love?” I need someone to tell me I don’t totally suck. She picked at the cardboard folder and curled the edges between her fingers, flicking at it with her short nail.
“What makes you think you could have saved the marriage?”
“I could have tried harder to please him, instead I worked my butt off and was too tired most nights to even think about sex, let alone actually doing it.” Unless you count drunk after awards night sex.
“Do you hear yourself? Doing it! Like it’s some kind of chore like washing the dishes.” Gail leaned closer. “Lena, did you even love him? Like really die if you don’t come home tonight kind of love him.”
“Well… It was kind of different you know because we were so busy all the time. At first it was great, there was heaps of sex but after a bit, nothing worth writing home about.” No I didn’t love him like that and I bet he never felt that way for me either.
“And whose fault was that? Did you attack him in the cold room or rip his trousers off while he was chopping onions or anything?”
As if. “No.”
“Did he try that with you?” Gail gazed at her with determination on her face. She was a master at getting the truth out of Lena and that hadn’t waned over the years they’d been apart.
“No, at first it was always me doing the chasing and insisting on sex whenever we could spare the time. But he was the one who said yes or no, and mostly it was no. Then it got to the stage when he tried, I’d pretend to be asleep.” Like he never complained either. She sighed. “It was easier that way, neither of us had to make like it was what we both wanted to do.”
“So what you’re saying is that this didn’t come as any surprise then, the divorce?”
I hate when you’re so damned practical. “I guess not when I think about it. If I was going to be totally honest with myself, I think we fell out of love a few years ago. We were just going through the motions.”
“So why were you so upset when it happened then?”
“Probably because his demands were over the top. I didn’t expect him to take me for everything I’d worked so damned hard for.” Funny how I care more about losing the restaurant than I do about Cole.
“Me either, but it’s kind of making sense to me, especially after reading the latest review in the Food Matters mag.”
“What are you talking about? I never did an interview with them. Not this year anyway.” Surely the magazine wouldn’t have resurrected an old interview without telling me.
Gail stood up, walked into the lounge, and sorted through a pile of magazines beside a chair. She brought one back and dropped it on the table in front of Lena who snatched it up and flicked through the pages.
“Top Restaurant gets five stars for new menu.” Lena began to read aloud.
Top restaurant, Cibo Buono, invited Food Matters to sample their new menu. Chef and restaurant manager, Cole Franklin said the recipes had taken him over twelve months to refine, but he was sure patrons would find the usual high standard the restaurant was known for, would not decline in anyway. In fact, he claims things can only get better from here on in.
“We’ve made some staff changes and I think that’s all for the better. I’ve worked hard the last couple of years getting the restaurant exactly how I wanted it and now I can safely say with this new menu is testimony to all my hard work and planning. I’ve achieved my goal.”
Lena dropped the magazine on the table. How could he? “That bastard. It was his goal all along, to string me along and take my restaurant.”
“It would seem so reading between the lines.”
“And that menu was the one I created, not him. He hasn’t got a creative bone in his body and has trouble opening a can of baked beans unless you pass him the bloody opener. He’s not that clever when it comes to new things and now he has the nerve to call himself a chef too. Try short order cook and that would be closer. That rotten dirty…” I can’t believe he’s done this to me.
Gail held up her hand. “Shh, just in case the boys hear you but I understand. Totally. It’s a shame your father can’t do something about the slime ball. He
