"No, not yet. He shouldn't be too far away though. He was ready when I left." Russ looked into his sister’s icy blue eyes and winced at the pain he saw there. "Did you want me to go and find him for you?"
"No, it's okay. I'll see him sooner or later." She turned to Tory. "Can we all go in together…please?"
Russ and Tory shared a glance and then stood either side of Rooney, arms linked and walked her inside. The cloying smell of lilies filled the small chapel and Russ wished someone had chosen a different flower. They reminded him too much of his mother's funeral.
Keeping his gaze ahead on the minister waiting to start the service, Russ guided his sister to the front seat and waited while she sat before looking around the faces of those who were here to pay their last respects to his father. He noticed Essie sitting in the pew behind him and he reached back, briefly touching her on the shoulder. She gave him a sad smile and he took his seat.
The minister approached. "Is there anyone else before we start, Russ?"
"Cade..."
"Is here," his brother said as he hobbled down the aisle. He leaned down and kissed Rooney, whispering in her ear before dropping onto the hard wooden seat beside Tory.
The service passed in a blur and by the time the last of the mourners had shared food with them and left, Russ was rubbing his temples, the tightness giving him the mother of all headaches.
"Russ." Rooney looked up at him. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a bun and her pale skin was free of makeup. Redness rimmed her steely blue eyes and Russ knew there were going to be more tears by the glimmer of moisture in her eyes. He had been watching out for her and she hadn't yet been up to see their mother’s grave. As their father’s casket was laid in the ground, Rooney had looked away, her gaze on the hills she used to ride as a child.
"Hey, you okay?" He slipped his arm around her shoulders and walked her outside to the garden.
"I will be. I guess. Can you come with me up to the grave now there is no one here? I need to say goodbye to Mum, and I don't think I can do it on my own."
"Sure, but wouldn't you rather have Cade take you up?"
"He's sitting on the front veranda with a bottle of whiskey. I doubt he’ll be going anywhere for some time." She looked up at him, her lips quivering as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes once more.
"Come on then." Russ sucked in a deep breath and walked her up the hill toward the chapel.
* * *
Rooney felt her stomach rolling as they followed the fence line down toward the chapel. The wind blew enough to cool the summer heat rolling over the hills. She glanced around at the farm as they neared the graves. Nothing had changed since she was last home. Pushing away all other thoughts, she looked over the fence as Russ reached for the latch on the gate. She’d dreaded this moment ever since Tory had called her to tell her the news. Now she had to farewell both her parents on the same day. It was a hard call for even the strongest heart.
She held onto Russ's arm, her fingernails would no doubt leave marks on his skin. Afraid she would fall, she gripped harder.
Russ patted her hand, and soothed her with the same words he’d used when she’d nightmares as a child. "It’ll be fine, baby girl, I'm here for you. I won't let you go."
He would sit on her bed with his arms wrapped around her shoulders as she trembled with the horror only a small child could conjure up in their heads. When the lights went out and their world was a labyrinth of dark tunnels where all the monsters imaginable lived, waiting for her to close her eyes.
By the time the sun rose in the morning, Russ would be cradling his little sister in his arms, extracting her from the tangle of her sheets. He spent the night while she slept protecting her from the monsters that chased her in her dreams.
They stood looking over at the mound of freshly dug dirt covered in flowers where they had laid their father to rest this morning. Beside it was the simple headstone for their mother. Rooney wondered who had placed the fresh flowers in the vase and wished she'd the courage to do it herself.
"Ready?" He looked down into her eyes and gave a gentle smile. "Take your time, honey."
Her voice came out hoarse. "Thanks." She lifted her chin and took a step forward. After the first step, it became easier and they walked to the headstone. Rooney eased up on her grip on her brother’s arm, breathing deeply to steady herself. I can do this, I can do this.
The grave site was kept neat and tidy. Her mother's favourite rose bush rambled over the lower fence where the valley dropped down to the river. Had someone moved a bush from the garden or take cuttings and if so, who? It might have been Essie because I doubt it would be Father.
The delicate pale pink blooms were perfect against the weathered boards used to section the chapel from the stock. Soft green moss grew in the shaded crevices of wood, giving it the aged look her mother liked for the gardens. She used to say it gave the farm a more permanent feeling, as though it had been there forever. I miss you, Mum, so much it hurts me every day. I know you’d understand why I didn't come and say goodbye before now, but that doesn't take the pain away. If I hadn't been so worried about what would happen to me
