It seemed like the perfect place to lose it in her mind. A bit like crying at the airport because people expected sad goodbyes there and you could get away with it. She cried not only for Simon but for herself. No matter how much she tried to keep up a brave face, losing her restaurant and home in Sydney hurt far more than she could have imagined.
Saying you’d dealt with it and actually dealing with it were two different things, as she was finding out. Kyle had let his frustrations out at the time. Perhaps it would have been a good idea for her to have kicked a few rocks around the paddock herself, or screamed at the unfairness of it all instead of cowering down on her haunches crying softly to herself being delicate about it all. There was a lot to be said for keening and railing at the injustice of life and what it threw your way. Sometimes the hurt stuck, some days it just slid off. For Lena it was attached to her like a second skin.
Her parents decided to stay behind and spend some time with Simon’s wife and would be traveling home later in the day.
Adam parked his car and walked her to the door and offered to see her in. “No, thanks. I think I want to be alone for a while, do you mind?”
Kyle brushed past them, groaning in his half asleep state.
“If you’re sure that’s what you want, fine. I’ll go home and let Spencer out and check on the animals. If you like, I’ll catch up with you guys later. Make sure you’re okay.”
Lena wanted to lean on Adam and let him take care of all of her worries, although she knew that wouldn’t solve anything. She had to sort out her own life before she made the mistake of rushing into the next couple of weeks with bad decisions under her belt.
“Thanks. I appreciate it. You’ve been so good to me, Adam. I have to make these decisions on my own and after today, well, I think you get it.” And I need to lick my wounds in private.
“Yes, I do.” He took her in his arms and held her for a moment before stepping back. Adam squeezed her hand and turned back to his car. Lena watched him drive off and regretted the move. To lie in his arms and forget everything that’d happened over the last week or so would be a nicer way to spend the evening. She turned and walked in the door, closing it behind her.
Lena flicked on the lights in the kitchen and stood looking out the window, her mind blank as she gripped the edge of the counter with her fingers. Kyle. She turned and walked down the hall to her son’s room and tapped on the door. When there was no response she tapped again and opened the door. Her son was laying on his bed with his knees up in fetal position, facing the wall. From the trembling in his shoulders she knew he was crying.
Oh, my baby. She kicked off her shoes and climbed onto his bed, cupping her body around his and slipping her arm around his stomach. He tensed for a moment and then relaxed.
“Bad day, huh?”
He sniffed in response.
“I’m sorry, babe. I wish things could be easier for everyone, Simon included, but there’s nothing I can do except be here for you. You’re the one who is the most important person in my life right now. Always have been, always will, so don’t go forgetting it.” And I count my blessings every day too.
“Don’t know why. I got the café closed down.” He coughed and gulped down a shaky sob.
Poppycock. Lena kissed the back of his hair and fought back her tears. “No, you didn’t. I still don’t believe the results of those tests because we know caps don’t grow here. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all just a mix up and I don’t for the life of me know how to fix it.” I wish I did, for your sake as well as mine.
“I’m not going back to Sydney, just so you know.” He rolled over and faced her, nose to nose as they did when he was smaller and in need of a mum and son talk. “I like it here. I like my school and friends. Living in this house with Nona and Papa is cool. Adam is pretty nice too. I don’t think I could go back to a city.”
“Sweetheart, I promise you this, we’re not going anywhere. I’m sorry you’re distressed about all this and I know I’m not helping at all.” I wish I was stronger for you.
“I thought you liked the café.” He blinked and looked at her eye to eye. His fragility hit her low in her gut. Kyle came first, no matter what else was happening in her life.
It’s my dream. Pity it turned sour. “I do. I wonder if I rushed into it too soon though. Maybe I should have taken more of a break when we got here, made sure I was over what happened.” Who knows? It was the unanswered question.
He shrugged. “You looked good cooking in your own place, like you were meant to be there.”
“Yeah, I felt that way too. I stuffed up somehow along the way. I annoyed a reviewer who gave me a bad rap and that couldn’t be helped, and then the mushrooms.” She rolled over and ran her fingers through her hair. “I can come back from that I guess. Most of the problem is with me personally.” And what this is doing to you. She looked sideways at him, her mind already working things out now she’d said them out loud. “Might take
