“No, it’s not, but it’s not right that you blame yourself either. If the silly old fool wants to be grumpy all his life, let him. It’s not your fault. You had a good reason to run and it’s in the past. For goodness’ sake. You need to move on and live your life.”
Ethan leaned into the other side of her. “Listen to your sister. She’s talking sense.”
The smile he gave her almost took away the guilt she held close. But not quite, not knowing how much her actions had hurt him. It seemed he had trouble moving on as well so she felt vindicated having reservations. “If I hadn’t come back to Cherry Lake, you’d all be living your normal quiet lives. Now I’ve set the cat among the pigeons just by being here. I don’t want that kind of family tension for you or Pearl, Ethan.”
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissed the top of her head in the same way he always used to. “So long as you’re thinking about me, I don’t care what he does.”
“Ethan.” He said that in front of friends after their conversation today?
He feigned shock. “What? I mean it. We go way back, you and me.” He didn’t let go of her and Mari quite enjoyed the feeling apart from the looks she was getting from her sister. Looks of content and I told you so.
“Yes, but…”
“No buts. We’re tight. I can feel it. And don’t forget what we share between us.” He looked at Noah sitting with Cory and frowned. “Unless you don’t want to be seen to be, ah, friendly with me.”
“I’m not sure what I want, to be honest.” Thinking about a relationship had been rather nice until this afternoon. Now she felt it would be too much hassle especially with the trust issues between them not settled. “We still have issues to deal with. Trust issues on both sides.”
Ethan tipped her chin up, turned her face toward him. “I can see you overthinking things again. You forget how well I know you.”
“I’m not sure I’m worth the hassle, Ethan. Jeff’s not forgiven me nor will he be likely to forget. I can’t have him blaming you or your mother for things that aren’t your fault.” She smiled at Noah who paused in his chatter with Cory to watch her.
“And I won’t let him blame you anymore for your mother’s mistakes. I’ve had time to think and it’s time to deal with it and I will.” He pulled her close again. “Don’t you worry yourself over it. I’ll deal with my father.”
Jake looked over. “And I’ll be right behind him.”
“See, told you. Knight in shining armor.” Bella giggled and picked up her menu when the waitress approached their table for their orders, quickly scanning the Sunday offerings. “What can possibly go wrong?” She smiled at the young girl. “What do you recommend?”
*
Ethan thought about it later that night when he lay in bed. He couldn’t deny the feelings he held for Mari. More mature now, she still made his heart flutter when she looked at him with her lazy soft smile. Perhaps it was more forced now or maybe the past had taken some of the shine from it but he had to admit, even he wasn’t as relaxed as he was back then.
The moon streamed a line of milky white in through his bedroom window onto the dark wood-paneled wall of the old worker’s cottage he’d taken over on the cherry farm where he’d grown up. He’d convinced his parents to let him take it over when it was obvious he had a knack for building and renovating. The rundown building housed nothing more than squirrels and mice for the last few years when the workers changed from wandering young people to older adults with their own RV’s in search of part-time work while traveling the country.
At last he had his own space away from the tension-filled home he’d grown up in. More than once he’d wished his mom would put her foot down, demand more respect from his father, but that hadn’t happened. The older Ethan got, the more reluctant he was to interfere in their relationship, preferring to keep his distance and leave them to it. After years of watching them bicker, it was nice to have the peace and quiet of his little space.
Now that could change. But there were things he needed to deal with. They’d always been there of course. The questions that dogged him when Mari and then Rake left without him. The fears he couldn’t get answers to. Was he going to be able to put those to rest now or was it best to let things slide?
That was what was keeping him awake now. He threw back the blanket and sat up. The questions still niggled. Still made him uneasy. But what if he pushed until she answered and he didn’t like what he heard? Mari had every right to privacy. He got that. And it shouldn’t have any bearing on their relationship now but it did. No matter how much he tried to let it slide, he couldn’t.
Ethan stood up and walked over to the window. He leaned on the window ledge and pressed his head on the cool glass. They were children back then. Everyone made mistakes, didn’t they? Mistakes they regretted, mistakes they forgot about because they weren’t that big a deal. If he pursued his questions, would he push her away? He couldn’t bear to think of losing her again. The awkward first date vibe that hung around them for
