“You sounded nuts on the phone.”
“I felt nuts. I felt awful. She took me home, and she was very decent. She really was. She wanted to, I know that. But she didn’t. She gave me her bed and she went in the living room and slept on the couch. I thought I’d fall right to sleep. But I couldn’t. I just tossed and turned, and every time I heard her turn over I was on fire. It got too strong for me. I finally gave in. I did it. It was my fault, Jack.”
“Poor Laura.” He said it sympathetically. “Come here, honey.” He put his arms around her and held her, stroking her back. When he did it, she didn’t mind. She’d have resented any other man…except maybe Merrill Landon. But Merrill Landon never showed affection to anyone.
“I know how it is, believe me,” Jack said. “You’re starving, and somebody puts a feast in front of you. What happens after that is Instinct. Overwhelming. You eat. Or you die of hunger, right there, with all that food in front of you.”
Laura clung to him, letting herself cry softly and gratefully into his shoulder.
“Let me give you just one little word of advice, Mother. Don’t starve yourself anymore. Or that hunger is going to kill you.”
She looked at him with wet eyes. Her face was strangely different, and Jack could see it. A night of love, a night of luxurious satiation, had changed her. For all her fatigue, her shame at herself, her body was happy and relieved. She couldn’t help that. She felt physically good, for the first time in over a year, and she had Beebo to thank for it.
“You’re different,” Jack said, smiling. “You look good. I don’t care how tired you are. It’s becoming—love.”
“That wasn’t love.”
“What was it, then?”
“Just purely physical. Animal. Vulgar.”
“Love has a body, Laura. Eyes and lips, legs and sex. We humans can’t help that.”
“Love is bigger and better than that. There hasn’t been any of that with Marcie and me, but I love her.”
“That’s idealistic crap.”
Laura gasped, her eyes widening in sudden anger, but he interrupted her sharp retort before she could make it.
“Love is no bigger and better than the people who feel it,” he said. “What has your love for Marcie got you? A fat neurosis, a lot of misery, and a night in bed with somebody you hardly know because you couldn’t stand it any longer. If that’s what makes it bigger and better, the hell with it. Feed it to the crocodiles.” And he turned brusquely away.
Laura stared at him, unable to answer him. It struck her harshly that he might be right. “But I love Marcie,” she whispered hoarsely.
“Sure. You love her because she looks like Beth, or whatever the hell her name is.”
Laura was shocked. “No, no, Jack you don’t understand. That has nothing to do with it. I love her.” He turned to look at her, cynicism written plain on his face. “I love her because—”
“Because she’s under the same roof with you, two feet away when you go to bed at night. Because she’s young and pretty. Because you can’t have her.”
“Because I can’t have her!” she exclaimed contemptuously. “That’s exactly why I’m so miserable, you idiot! I love her so much—”
“We all do. She’s a great girl,” he said, so vaguely and quietly, that it calmed her a little.
But when Marcie said, “What are you two talking about?” Laura jumped, visibly startled. “Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Marcie said. She had made up her mind to treat Laura gently and carefully. Burr came in noisily behind her. “Hi, Laura,” he said, and stared at her pale face.
“I didn’t hear you coming,” Laura said nervously. She wondered what Marcie had told Burr, and suddenly it was too much to stand there and face them. “I’m going to bed,” she said suddenly, briefly. “I didn’t sleep much last night.” It came to her then that she didn’t know what she was supposed to have done last night at all. Jack hadn’t told her.
Jack, faster than Laura when he was on the spot, said, “Laura spent the night with Beebo Brinker. She’s an old friend of mine.” He spoke to Burr, who apparently didn’t know what to think.
Damn Jack! Laura thought. He didn’t have to say her name. That ridiculous name!
Chapter Nine
Marcie tried to be understanding with Laura when they were alone later. She said, “Jack told me all about it, Laura. I understand.”
What did he tell you? What do you understand? Why didn’t he tell me? She didn’t know how to act with Marcie. Her discomfort made her awkward and for the first time she found herself wishing to be without her for a little while. She didn’t want Marcie to try to comfort her. She just wanted to let it blow over.
But Marcie was a warm-natured girl, and she was curious. She wanted to sit on Laura’s bed and talk about it. She kept saying, “Tell me about it, Laur. Tell me what happened. Don’t you know I wouldn’t be shocked?”
At this point Laura revolted. “No, I don’t know!” she said, and was immediately sorry. She raised her hand to her mouth. “Marcie, please. Please drop it.”
“I’m sorry, Laur. I can’t do anything right tonight.” She looked
