Beth’s eyes grew huge with astonishment for a moment and suddenly full of tears. She turned her head away, one hand over her eyes, and Beebo explained gently to her.
“I met Laura when she first came to New York,” she said. “I thought I brought her out. I mean, I thought I was the first woman she had ever loved. Until she called me Beth in bed one night. That was how I met you. Beth Cullison.” Beth looked at her again, unable now to look away.
“That is your name, isn’t it?” Beebo said.
“It was. It’s Ayers now.”
“Married?” Beebo said.
Beth nodded and Beebo gave her a little grin. “It figures,” she said. “Laura used to tell me about how wonderful you were, how kind you were to her when she was so young and scared and didn’t know what she was. She never talked about you except with love. God, how I used to hate the sound of your name. Have you ever had a rival that didn’t exist, Beth? Have you ever been jealous of a shadow, a snapshot? I could tear up the snapshots but there were always more. She had dozens of copies lying around. She showed them to everybody. When I gave her hell for it she said I should be glad we looked alike. And you know something? We do. I didn’t used to think so from the pictures she had of you, but seeing you now…Of course, you’re pretty. And you’re a woman.” She turned away and drank the rest of her drink.
“Have something with me?” she said.
“Thanks. Scotch and water,” Beth said, still too shocked to think sensibly. Beebo ordered it for her.
“So now you’ve come back to find Laura,” Beebo mused. “Why?”
“Do you know where she is?” Beth said eagerly, her heart floating over the things Beebo had told her. “Is she still living with you?”
Beebo laughed a small private laugh. “No,” she said. “Not for the past seven years. We broke up long ago.” And something she left unsaid made Beth feel that, though they had broken up, Beebo still felt love for Laura. “She was an extraordinary girl,” Beebo said. “I loved her very much.” And then she stopped abruptly and Beth knew she would speak of that part of it no more.
“What happened to her?” Beth said. “Is she all right? Where is she?”
“She’s in New York,” Beebo said.
Beth gave a sigh of relief. “Where?” she said urgently. It was almost a groan of impatience.
Beebo swiveled in her seat again to look at her. “Why do you want to find her so badly, Beth? Who’s Ayers? Doesn’t he have anything to say about this?”
“I—I left him,” Beth said. “It’s all over.”
“Do you think it’s such a good idea to take up with a woman just because you left off with a man?” Beebo said.
“I’m gay,” Beth said quickly. “It was never right with Charlie.”
“Any kids?” Beebo said. Her skeptical eyes went deep and made Beth feel suddenly guilty.
But she answered with a brazen show of assurance, “No.”
Beebo took a drag on her cigarette, watching Beth through narrowed eyes. “That’s good,” she said at last. “You’d be in bad trouble otherwise.”
Beth had a momentary spell of sinking, of sickness, that made her shut her eyes and wipe her forehead with one sharp nervous gesture. The faces of Skipper and Polly were very clear before her during that moment.
“Something wrong?” Beebo said quietly.
“I—I guess I’ve had too much to drink,” Beth said.
“Where are you staying?” Beebo said.
“The Beaton.”
“Are you here alone?”
“No, I came in with Nina Spicer. Do you know her?” She looked up at Beebo then to see if her reaction to Nina was as harsh as Nina’s to her. But Beebo only grinned and said, “Sure I know her. Everybody knows her.”
Beth liked Beebo’s face even better, now that it was becoming more familiar to her. She felt secure with Beebo, as if Beebo were a friend. It wasn’t logical. Beebo had frankly admitted an unreasonable hatred of her of some years’ standing—something Nina had never felt. And yet there was nothing fishy, nothing odd and egotistical about Beebo.
“How did you meet Nina?” Beebo said.
“I wrote to her, after I read some of her books. When I left Charlie I came here to find Laura and I thought Nina might help me. She knows the Village.”
“Well, she can teach you a few things. But they won’t have much to do with true love and happy endings,” Beebo said. “Still, I guess that’s something to know. There isn’t much true love in the world. Did she give you a few scars?”
“A few, I guess.” Beth smiled a little, “Nothing I won’t recover from.”
“Good. You’re lucky. Now tell me one more thing. Since you won’t tell me why you want to find her, are you sure you do want to find Laura?”
“Yes. Absolutely.” She spoke ardently and made Beebo smile again, but such a different smile from Nina’s. Warm and friendly and concerned, somehow.
“What do you think it will accomplish?” Beebo said.
“I still love her. I want her back.”
Beebo finished the drink she had before her and then she said gently, “Beth…Laura is married.”
There was a moment of deafening silence between them and then suddenly it seemed to Beth as if the whole bistro was coming apart at the seams. She staggered a little and Beebo got up quickly from her stool and steered Beth expertly onto it.
“You’re okay, baby,” she said when Beth had recovered a little. “Don’t tell me it never occurred to you. Don’t tell me you never thought of it. Damn, you got married. It happens, you know. Here, drink this.” And she forced half a glass of scotch and water down Beth’s throat.
After a moment, when she could talk, Beth whispered, “I thought of
