“You don’t mean you had to talk her out of women?” Beth exclaimed.
“Hell, no,” he said and laughed. Now that it was out in the open they both felt better. “Nobody could do that. I’d have been nuts to try. She can’t be talked out of women and I can’t be talked out of men—emotionally, that is. It would take more words than there are. But that doesn’t matter to our marriage. Nothing goes on in this house that might hurt our life together. We keep the other stuff apart; it always comes second.”
“Does Betsy know?”
“No,” he said simply. “It’s not that we hide things, it’s just that she’s too young to understand, even if we made a point of it to her. She knows we have our own friends, she knows we go out occasionally. Like Laura tonight. Now and then she meets some of our friends. That’s all. She’s a happy kid, thank God. And we’re happy.”
“I’m glad,” Beth said, and she truly was. “I’ve been expecting to hate you ever since I knew you existed. But I don’t. I don’t even want to anymore. I’m glad things have worked out for you. Only…”
“Only, you’d like to see Laura again. See if she’s changed and all that?”
“Something like that.” She looked away from him timidly. “Why did you come to New York, Beth?” he said quietly. “It wasn’t just to find Laura, was it?”
“Oh, it was a lot of things,” she said.
“Laura said you were married. Or nearly married when she last saw you. You said your name was Mrs. Ayers. Is Mr. Ayers here with you?”
“No, he’s in California,” she said. “As a matter of fact, we’re divorced. I haven’t seen him for quite some time.”
“Too bad,” he said, but he said it too quickly, too lightly, without comment, and she sensed his doubt, sensed that he only accepted her statement to put her at ease, not because he believed it. She had no idea why she felt compelled to lie about her marriage. Maybe because she thought Jack would not let her get close to Laura if he knew. Maybe because she was at heart so desperately ashamed of the mess she had left in California. At any rate the lie was spoken and she had to stick by it now.
“Any kids?” he said and she shook her head, unable to speak the monstrous fib aloud. How could Laura take her back, how could she learn to love Beth again, hold her and come close to her, if she knew what Beth had done to her own children? She must never know and Beth realized suddenly that she had to keep the whole past in the shadows, to pretend it was no more real than she said it was. Or it would poison the happiness she felt so near.
“You must be a little older than Laura,” she said brightly to Jack, switching the subject abruptly and making him blink at her.
“A little,” he conceded. “Twenty-two years.”
“My God!” she cried. “That much? I don’t believe you.”
He shrugged and smiled. “You don’t have to,” he said.
“But that makes you damn near fifty years old,” she said, incredulous.
“Damn near. Forty-seven.”
“But you look as if you were in your thirties.”
“Thanks,” he said with a grin. “You make me feel extremely generous. Have another drink.”
She handed him her glass. “You look so—Joe College,” she said and he gave a laugh that was more of a snort of self-mockery and said, “That’s going too far.” But he did look remarkably young and moved his spare body with a suppleness that belied his age.
She took her glass back filled and looked at it intently, as though in search of poise. “Is—is Laura in love with anybody, Jack?” she asked.
“Not seriously,” he said, studying her, wondering just how much she wanted from his wife.
“Either she is or she isn’t,” she said.
“Well, on that basis,” he said, “I’d have to say she is. But remember you forced me into it.”
“Then it is serious.” Her face was very pale and her eyes were on him now.
“Hell, she’s not going to marry the girl.”
“Has she known her a long time? Does she dream about her all the time?” The questions tumbled out of Beth and she was suddenly humiliated by her eagerness, her concern, and her gaze dropped from his again.
“She’s known her for a while now,” he said. “I think it’s beginning to fade. But they still see each other just about every day. They’re pretty compatible.”
“Who is the girl?”
He chuckled a little. “Betsy’s piano teacher,” he said. “Betsy’s getting free lessons all over the place. Very economical.”
After a long pause Beth said, “Are you in love with anybody?”
“You have designs on me, too?” he grinned and she blushed a quick red. “I’m always in love with somebody. How about you?”
She had left herself wide open for that and she knew he wanted to know why she was there and what she was seeking from Laura.
“I’m never in love with the right person,” she said softly.
“I’ll bet,” he said, but though he teased her it was not malicious. “You must have been once,” and when she glanced up at him, he added, “to hear Laura tell it.”
“You mean—my husband?” she faltered.
“I mean Laura,” he said bluntly. “She was terribly in love with you, for a very long time, Beth. Long after she left you.”
“Is she still?” she asked. She had to say it; her heart and tongue would not be still even though the asking of it shamed her.
He looked at her a moment and then he shook his head. “Her life has changed,” he explained. “There are other things, now. I don’t know exactly how she feels about you anymore, Beth. I
