Her frantic heart shot blood through her veins, the sweat burst urgently from her body and she felt answering movements from Beth’s body. All of a breathless sudden it culminated in a sweeping release exploding and reverberating stormily through her.
She heard her faraway voice groan in ecstasy and she held Beth so tightly that it seemed they must somehow melt together. She couldn’t stop, she couldn’t let go, she couldn’t think or speak. And when finally the furious desire abated a little it was only to gather strength for a fresh explosion.
At last Beth pulled herself up on one elbow and leaned over Laura. Her eyes were hot and her hair was wild, yet for all that she looked strangely ethereal.
“Oh, baby,” she said in a husky voice. “We’ll sleep in here. We’ll sleep here tonight. I couldn’t leave you tonight.” She looked hard at her. “Oh, Laura…” she said and her voice trailed away and her lips came down on Laura’s again and again and again. Laura answered her with wordless passion.
Suddenly Beth pulled away from her and stood up with a quick movement as if that were the only way it could be accomplished.
“Beth!” said Laura like a hurt child, as if she were about to lose her.
“Got to fix the bed. Somebody might come in. My God, they can’t find us like this. Open the couch, honey. I’ll get the blankets.” She leaned over to kiss her once more and then she went out of the room.
In a few minutes she was back with the bedclothes. Laura couldn’t look at her without touching her. She went over and put her head down on Beth’s shoulder, and Beth let her burdens drop around her to free her arms for Laura. After a while they got the bed made up and the light turned out and themselves tucked in. There was still a little noise in the halls.
“What if someone comes in?” whispered Laura.
“Nobody will. Besides, if somebody does, it won’t matter. They won’t know. The dorm is cold as hell tonight. A lot of kids are sleeping in their rooms. Don’t worry, don’t worry,” she whispered and drew her closer in her arms.
“Oh, Beth,” said Laura, and her voice was light as a breath and as warm. “I love you. I love you so much.”
Beth bent down and kissed her. “Hush,” she said. “Sleep.”
Eight
Laura thought nothing could ever awaken her. The days that followed were dreams. She wrapped herself in her secret; she wore it in her eyes, on her lips, in her stomach where it welled up hotly to ignite the star in her heart. Her moments with Beth were brief but beautiful, precarious and precious.
It took Beth some time to recover from her astonishment. In one swift strange night with Laura she had found that powerful delight that was supposed to be the crown and glory of romantic love. It had been effortless, inevitable, more wonderful than she had dared to hope. But it had been ironic, too, that it had come like this unbidden, so easily, with a girl. Beth thought of the many men she had looked to for it; the countless times she had searched, tried for it, even worked for it, with nothing for her pains but fatigue and eventually boredom. How had a simple girl like Laura been able to spring her emotions free of their trap? It was a little uncanny. Beth eyed her with a new respect, but she couldn’t help wondering…if it had been Charlie she had slept with instead of Laura, would it have happened anyway? Would it have been as good, or better? Maybe Beth was just ready for it when Laura happened to come along. Or maybe she needed a woman to teach her how a woman can feel. Beth couldn’t find the answer, and the more she looked for it the more perplexed she became.
Laura and Beth found all sorts of odd little gratifications. At house meetings Laura liked to sit behind Beth and scratch her back. It went unnoticed, since half the others were doing it too. At the Union they met each other for coffee in the afternoon and they walked home together for dinner. During the long quiet evenings they studied; beside each other on the couch when they could, across the room from each other when Emily got to the couch first.
Emily was now a thorn in the side, now the spice of danger. Her presence inhibited them and at the same time made the least glance, the least casual touch almost unbearably sweet. If Emily sat down at the desk to write, their eyes met over her back and their lips smiled behind her. If she sat in the chair and left them the couch they found means to let their bodies touch somewhere, gently, with seeming carelessness. When she left the room they had a sublime moment to kiss and caress and tease.
Still, Emily wasn’t the only threat. Beth was pursued regularly by phone calls and visitors to the room. Someone might walk in at any time. Her minutes with Laura had to be brief. And yet she made time or found it somehow. Then she would hold Laura in her arms, whisper to her, tell her how often she thought of her, kiss her, comfort her, make love to her. And Laura would pour her passion over Beth like honey—rich and sweet and natural, and yet somehow ensnaring. It was delightful, a balm and a succor to Beth, but it wasn’t all-engrossing, all-satisfying, as it was for Laura.
Beth knew this, and she knew she had to be honest with Laura before she broke her heart. Once or twice she tried to explain her feelings, but her uncertainty stopped
