While Charlie got drunk that afternoon, Beth began, for the first time, to have doubts about leaving school with Laura. When she got back to the sorority house that evening she, quite unconsciously, gave herself away by saying to Laura, “I wonder if we’re doing the right thing?”
“Beth!” Laura exclaimed. She grasped Beth’s hands and held them tight. “Of course we are. What a thing to say!”
“I guess so, but—I don’t know. As time goes by, I begin to wonder.”
“Beth, don’t you remember what you said? Don’t you remember what they did to Emmy? What they’d do to us if we got caught? Beth, you promised me. Oh, darling—we were going to be so happy, all to ourselves with no house rules, no deans, no men to worry about. Beth….” She pulled her hands up and pressed them to her lips and Beth watched her with a warm feeling in her chest. Laura looked up. “Beth, you promised. You said whatever happens. I said it, too. It’s like an oath. You can’t break it. Oh, Beth, my love!” She threw her arms around her.
“Yes,” Beth whispered. “Yes. Oh, Laur, I’m just—I don’t know. I’m crazy. Don’t listen to me, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Then we will go?”
“Yes. We’ll go.”
But if she could calm Laura she couldn’t do as well by herself. Laura could believe in Beth and lean on her, depend on her for everything. But Beth had no one to look to and she was suddenly responsible not just for herself but for Laura as well. It was unnerving. She hadn’t expected Laura to take to her idea with such enthusiasm; to take so seriously and so finally what began in Beth’s mind as a private emotional revolt. The thing seemed somehow foolhardy and stupid. And yet, when she looked into Laura’s face and saw the endless warm love in it, all hers, her reservations faded away.
Laura said, “Beth, when will we go? Let’s go soon.” She knew if they postponed the thing much longer, Beth wouldn’t go at all. The main thing was to get Beth out of Champlain before she changed her mind. And Laura had a sure idea that Charlie was behind Beth’s doubt.
“Did you see Charlie today?” she asked.
Beth looked surprised. “Yes,” she said.
Laura stroked Beth’s cheek with her finger. “He always upsets you, Beth,” she said.
Beth kissed the finger. “He reminds me of things I’d rather forget. Laura, you’re adorable.”
Laura smiled gratefully at her. “When shall we go?” she said, capitalizing on Beth’s mood.
“Oh….”
“Beth, tell me.”
“Oh, I don’t know. When do you want to go? Your eyes are such a pretty blue. Where’d you get such blue eyes, Laur?”
“Let’s go Friday.”
“This Friday?”
“Yes.” She watched her hopefully, with parted lips. Beth kissed them.
“Isn’t that kind of soon?”
“We have to, Beth. It’s now or never,” she added truthfully.
Beth kissed the corner of Laura’s mouth. “Is it?” she murmured.
“Yes. Beth, answer me.”
“Kiss me.” Beth’s eyes were bright, teasing.
Laura obeyed her. “Now, answer me,” she demanded.
“Answer you what?”
Laura smiled. “Say yes, Beth. Say yes, darling.”
“Yes, what?”
“Just yes. Never mind what. Say it.” She kissed her hard.
“Yes,” Beth whispered, smiling. “Yes, yes, yes….”
That was Monday night. Laura spent the next few days worrying about Charlie. She was afraid of any further contact between Charlie and Beth, though it seemed inevitable, the way Charlie was trying to see her. She wanted to prevent him from talking to Beth before he could do any real damage, before Friday came and Beth was safely on the train. But she didn’t know what to do about it, how to go about it. Unexpectedly, Charlie solved her problem before the week was out.
Nineteen
Beth and Laura told their friends simply that they were going home for the weekend, a normal thing, especially in spring, for most of the girls to do.
By Thursday afternoon Laura was irrepressibly happy. Her only difficulty lay in trying to keep her excitement from showing. It was wonderful to escape from classes and campus and meetings and people, into her room and Beth’s arms; wonderful to free her feelings and see how strong and deep and solid they were; best of all to know that after tomorrow Beth would be hers, irrevocably committed.
Beth, as the time grew closer, began to worry in earnest, but Laura’s drive and devotion seemed to pull her inexorably toward the train on Friday. She was sure she loved Laura, but not so sure she didn’t love Charlie. She wavered, she wondered, she weighed a thousand things in her mind: freedom against her college degree, a tormented conscience against the sweet warmth of Laura, and all the countless little details that trailed in the wake of either decision.
She tried to keep her mental seesawing from Laura; it would only hurt and confuse her. She felt that Laura had to be protected like a child. She had failed to see that every time she treated Laura to a little adult honesty, Laura responded like an adult. She didn’t want to see. Laura was her baby.
By Thursday, Beth had an almost oriental fatalism about leaving for New York. There was nothing she could do to stem the tide of Laura’s enthusiasm, no way she had any control over the situation any more.
That afternoon, Laura went over to Campus Town after class to get some last-minute supplies. She walked into the university drugstore and got some toothpaste—one for Beth, she was always running out—and some emery boards. She was standing at the counter waiting for her change when she heard Charlie next to her say, “Hello, Laura.”
She looked up with a start. “Hi, Charlie,” she said. He smiled down at her while she faltered, a little confused. She had the distinct feeling that he had followed her.
“Your change, miss,” said the clerk, dangling a bored hand over the counter.
“Oh, thank you.” Laura
