“Same for me,” Jack said.
“How about the lady?”
“Bring her a double whisky.”
Laura could feel the woman looking at her curiously. She wanted to evaporate. She hated the impersonal curiosity of this stranger. After a minute Jack said, “She’s gone.”
Laura put her hands down, but she couldn’t look at him. She just said, rather hopelessly, “How did you know?”
“Takes one to know one,” he said with light sarcasm.
“How?” Laura demanded. “You’re a man.”
“So I’m a man. You’re a girl. We’re both queer.”
“How did you know?” she said sharply, looking at him now.
“You’ve got a crush on Marcie. That’s how.”
Laura gasped a little. “Is it so obvious?” she asked, frightened.
Jack shook his head. “To me, maybe, but only because I was looking for it.”
“You were? Why?”
“I’m always looking for it.” He was bantering again. She realized now that he had called her Laura when he said it: You’re gay, Laura. He was dead serious then.
“Do you look for it even in girls?” she said.
“In anybody. You might say it’s a hobby with me. I spot one and I think to myself, ‘Another poor bastard like me.’ It boosts my morale. I guess it’s a case of misery loves company.”
“I’d rather suffer alone,” she said, not without pride.
“You’ll get over that. When you learn your way around.” Laura was still trembling all over. “Listen to me, Jack,” she said, leaning over the table and brushing the last tear impatiently from her cheeks. “I never heard that word—gay—like you use it until our date Friday. Nobody ever called me ‘gay’ before. I didn’t even know what it meant. But I’ll tell you this: I never touched Marcie. I’ve never tried to get away with anything with her. Never. She doesn’t know and she never will.” She said this almost fiercely, but Jack only smiled at her.
“Okay,” he said. “Don’t preach at me. I believe you. I believe you haven’t been climbing into Marcie’s bed after hours, anyway. But don’t let Marcie fool you. She can be wild sometimes. She gets in crazy moods and she’ll do anything. I saw her go up to a bum in Central Park and kiss him once on a dare. A big ugly slob of a guy. It was enough to get her killed, but she loved it.”
Laura was revolted. But not surprised. Not after what Marcie had done to her last Friday night.
“She couldn’t possibly suspect me,” she said stubbornly. “I never do a thing.”
“You did plenty in The Cellar Friday night.”
“I—I did?” She felt that old sick feeling come over her again.
“You looked at her like you had ideas. You held the door for her. You argued with Burr.”
“But all I said was—”
“All you said was you were gay. To anybody who bothered to figure it out. Well, I did, that’s all.”
Laura’s face was hot and she tried to defend herself. “All I did was defend them—homosexuals, I mean. just said they were human beings, not animals. Is that against the law?”
“Not ‘they,’ Mother,” Jack said softly. “‘We.’ You’re one of us.”
“But Burr and Marcie don’t know that,” she said, almost pleading with him to agree.
Jack raised a finger to his lips. “Everybody will know it if you don’t keep your voice down,” he said. “Okay, Burr doesn’t know it. As for Marcie, you live with the girl. You should know.”
“She couldn’t,” Laura said, but she felt shaky.
“You aren’t sure, are you? Why don’t you find out?”
“How?” She looked at him eagerly.
“Ask her.” He laughed to see her face fall.
“Damn you!”
“Okay. Don’t ask her. Make a pass at her.”
“You’re mad!” Laura stared at him, shocked. “I’d never do such a thing! She might—why, my God, she might call the police. Or Burr. She’d hate me. I couldn’t stand it. Jack, don’t tell me to make a fool of myself. Do you want to get me into a tragic mess?”
“I want to keep you out of one, Mother. That’s why I’m talking this way.”
“Well, act like you did, then. You drag me down here, when I didn’t want to come in the first place, and tell me—” She swallowed convulsively. “—tell me I’m gay.” She spat the word at him. “And then you have the gall to sit there and tell me to make love to Marcie—” She almost choked on the words. “—when you know damn well she’d probably be revolted by it, she’d—”
“Calm down, Mother, have a drink.” And he held her glass up to her until she took it from him. It burned her throat but she was too worked up to care.
“Now,” said Jack. “I asked you down here to tell you I know you’re gay. And so am I. I want to be friends with you, Laura.” She glanced up at him, and found that he was embarrassed, for all the liquid courage he was consuming, and it was hard for him to talk. “Damn it,” he said. “I’m so used to talking like an idiot, I can’t say what I mean anymore. I—I wanted to tell you—to warn you, Laura—I was in the situation you’re in now. Once. Long ago. I fell for a roommate of mine, I didn’t think he knew anything either. I didn’t see how it was possible. I was so damn careful. I never said anything, I never did anything. Jesus Christ, I even avoided the guy. I went out of my way to avoid him. But I was nuts about him, Laura. I wanted him so bad it hurt. I’d lie there in the dark and tell myself, ‘You can’t have him, you can’t have him’ over and over. I’d say, ‘Who the hell do you think you are? If you were the prettiest boy on earth he wouldn’t look twice. And, Mann, you aren’t the prettiest boy on earth. You’re the ugliest.’ Whenever we talked late at night, whenever we went anywhere together,
