Splendid. Instead of a little feather smoothing from Doc, I was going to get snarled and barked at by a law dog. Lucky for me I’d already slurped down one cup of fully leaded zing-zing at Aunt Zoe’s and felt at ease with gnashing my teeth right back.
I sat on the corner of Doc’s desk, smirking at the detective. “And here I thought you didn’t like talking about my sex life, Cooper.”
I glanced over at Doc, who’d dropped back into his chair. His hair looked extra dark. It must still be damp from showering over at the Rec Center after his workout. “Now that Nat has taken pity on this lovesick sucker, I suppose he wants to borrow my fur-lined handcuffs.”
Doc shook his head. “Nah. Coop’s too rough and tough for fur-lined anything. He likes his women how he likes his guns.”
“You mean wearing a lampshade and sitting on his nightstand?”
Cooper had a Colt .45 bedside lamp that Harvey had bought him as a gift. The old man claimed it was an actual antique pistol that would not only light up any intruders but fill them full of holes, too.
“Nice one, Killer.” Doc raised his coffee cup to me. “You’re firing on all cylinders already this morning.”
Cooper didn’t look nearly as enamored with me. “Real funny, Parker. I’m laughing on the inside.”
Being the nice person that I was, I laughed on the outside for him. Turning back to Doc, I said, “Or did you mean he likes his women well-oiled and strapped to his hip?”
Doc’s grin widened. “Actually, I was thinking loaded and concealed in his bed, but I like your versions better.”
“If Harvey were here,” I said, continuing to poke the bear sitting in the visitor’s chair, “he’d say Cooper likes his women how he likes his whiskey.”
“You mean aged well and locked away in a cellar?” Doc took a sip of coffee.
I touched my finger to my nose. “Spot-on, mon amour.”
Doc’s gaze dipped to my sweater. “Ah, Tish,” he said in a low velvety voice that warmed me to my toes. “You know that’s French.”
“Oui, Monsieur Sexy,” I purred back, batting my eyelashes.
“Sweet fucking Jesus, you two,” Cooper cut in, dumping ice on our flirting foreplay. “I can’t decide if I should shoot you both here and now or save the pleasure for tonight.”
“What’s tonight?” I asked, focusing back on Mr. Crankyberries.
“Cornelius wants to have the séance,” Doc said, all humor gone from his voice now. “Coop agreed to join us.”
“What? No!” I set my coffee down on his desk, frowning all around. “I thought we were going to wait a few more days.”
“So did I, but Cornelius joined me in the weight room at the Rec Center this morning and told me he’d been up most of the night thinking it through. He’s relatively certain he knows how to lure Wilda’s twin to us.”
I blinked, cocking my head to the side. “I could swear you just said that Cornelius joined you in the weight room.”
“You heard me right.”
“You mean as in actually lifting weights? Or was he just standing next to you and waving at his reflection in the mirror?”
“He didn’t lift.”
Okay, the poles hadn’t shifted overnight and north was still north.
“He’d just finished swimming laps in the pool for a half hour,” Doc added, “and was relaxing before going for a run.”
What the hell? Maybe north was now south after all. Prudence must have done one heck of a number on Cornelius when she’d crawled inside his head. Then again, it’d seemed more like he’d done a number on Prudence when it was finished. I wondered how she and Zelda were feeling this morning after Cornelius had inadvertently drained both of their batteries.
“I think Cornelius has been possessed again,” I told Doc. “Only this time it’s the ghost of the Energizer bunny.”
“He was certainly hopping around the weight room for such an early hour.”
I reached for my coffee. “So, that’s why Cooper is here looking all bright and ugly? To make plans for tonight?”
“No, Parker,” Cooper deadpanned. “I’m here because of you.”
“Me?” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever Detective Hawke thinks I did now, he’s been sniffing glue. I was sleeping. Doc is my alibi.” I took a sip of my latte, needing the second boost of sweetened caffeine more than ever now that I heard my day would be ending with a séance.
“Detective Hawke doesn’t know about this particular problem yet.”
I looked at Doc. His frown didn’t make me feel very warm and cozy. “Uh-oh. What’s going on now?”
Doc answered first. “According to Coop, there was a B&E in the middle of the night up in Lead.”
“Breaking and entering?”
Cooper grunted, drawing my gaze. “Bingo. Since I was on call overnight, that meant I was the detective standing outside in zero fucking degrees trying to figure out who in the hell would break into a gourmet store that specializes in expensive locally made products like cheeses, wines, chocolates, and jewelry, yet messes with only items that are honey-based.”
I swirled my coffee, pretty sure I knew what store he was talking about. It was across from the visitor center overlooking the Open Cut. “I still don’t see what this has to do with me.”
“I didn’t think it did at first.” Cooper leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “The two officers who were the first on scene had already reviewed the store’s security tapes by the time I’d arrived. They couldn’t see a single soul moving around the place, yet there were jars of honey and honey-based lotions smashed on the floor, honey sticks broken and scattered, and honey cakes torn open with bites out of them. None of it made sense.”
“Have you considered dragging Winnie-the-Pooh to your interrogation room down at the station?” I joked. “Or maybe Yogi Bear and his sidekick, Boo-Boo.”
He scowled at Doc. “I’m going to use a stun gun on your girlfriend and make her hair
