“You,” he said and then sneezed three times in a row. Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, he screwed up his face and started again. “You know how allergic I am to all of these damned flowers.”
Actually, I’d forgotten all about his allergies. If I’d remembered, I might have started carrying sprigs of baby’s breath with me in my purse to keep him at bay like garlic around vampires.
“Rex, I didn’t—”
“Don’t even try to deny it!” he yelled and yanked off his sunglasses. “I’m going to make you pay even more now, you cold-hearted cunt!”
I took a step back at both the spittle flying from his lips and the sight of his bloodshot, oozing eyes. Hell’s bells! And I thought looking into the whites of Prudence’s eyes was hair-raising.
Now that I thought about it, I sort of recalled Rex talking about being allergic to certain flowers and trees, but I’d never witnessed the effects that pollen had on him.
“Rex, calm down,” I said, holding up my hands. “I swear I had nothing to do with this. It was probably just a coworker of yours who didn’t know any better.”
Who else would have been so diabolical as to …
Natalie!
Hot damn.
I tried not to smile. She’d been there with me the day Rex told me about his allergies. Where my memory was splotchy, like Rex’s face, thanks to the stress of raising twins mostly on my own for the last ten years, Natalie’s retention of Rex-related details appeared to be wicked sharp.
He leaned over my desk, his red, drippy eyes looking dark and menacing. “Do not stand there and lie to me, you vindictive bitch!”
I recoiled another step. “Calm down, Rex,” I said again. “And stop scratching your face. You’re only making it worse.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He reached for me.
I dodged his hand, scooping up the half-dead bouquet and holding it between us like a shield. I gripped the stapler tight in my right hand, wishing it was my mace instead. “You need to leave.” I looked up at the camera again, willing Cornelius to get his skinny ass over here pronto.
“I’m not leaving until you agree to go to the police station with me and turn yourself in for trying to kill me.”
“You’re overreacting, Rex. It’s just an allergic reaction, and I had nothing to do with this.” I pointed the stapler at the door. “You should go to the hospital now and get a shot or something for …” I made a face at the ugly-looking belt of welts now spreading along his jaw. “For that rash.”
“If you think you can—”
The back door banged open, cutting him off.
Cornelius to the rescue! Relief washed over me.
“Parker!” A voice that I’d already listened to several molar-grinding times today called out.
Not Cornelius.
“Out front,” I hollered in return. Oh well, I’d take Cooper over Rex any day … I thought about the night when I’d broken Cooper’s nose in the Mudder Brothers basement. Okay, maybe not any day, but most of them.
The back door slammed shut, followed by the thud of footfalls on the creaking floor.
“I need you to come with me,” Cooper said, striding out front.
He had on the same clothes as this morning, same coat and scruffy face, too. Cooper looked at Rex and cringed, cursing under his breath. “What in the hell happened to you?”
Rex pointed at me. “She did. Arrest this … this …” he paused for another round of sneezes. “This evil witch, Detective, and burn her at the stake.”
“Whoa there, Mr. Conner,” Cooper said, his hands dropping to his hips in a typical cop stance. “We stopped burning criminals at the stake a few years ago. The damned EPA got involved, citing us on a lack of filters to capture the carbon dioxide being released into the air.”
I gaped at Cooper. Had he just made a joke? I glanced out the window. Were pigs flying around today, too?
“Oh, aren’t you just a comedian,” Rex snarled, sounding extra nasally after that last round of sneezes. One of his eyes was swelling so much now that it would only open halfway. “I’m sure your boss will love hearing how you were making fun of a crime victim.”
Cooper shot me a narrowed glance. “What exactly did Parker do to cause this,” he held his hand out, circling the air to indicate Rex’s face, “plight of yours?”
“She sent me flowers!”
To give Cooper credit, he kept a straight face. I, on the other hand, snorted with laughter. Turning away from both of them, I tried to get my giggles under control.
“Did you send him flowers, Parker?”
I shook my head, still choked up. Unfortunately, my giggles were turning into full-on laughs as the stress that had made my chest tight since leaving Prudence’s place started to melt away, coming out in big guffaws.
“Parker,” Cooper said, thumbing toward the back hallway. “How about you go in the restroom and get hold of yourself while Mr. Conner and I hash out this complaint of his.”
I nodded, wiping at the tears running down my cheeks. One belly laugh after another kept rolling through me.
“And toss those flowers while you’re at it,” Cooper added.
“Wait!” Rex suffered another volley of sneezes before continuing. “Don’t you want to keep those as evidence?”
Cooper shook his head. “I think we need to get them away from you for now.” He pointed at the front door. “Maybe we should step outside, Mr. Conner.”
Rex nodded, his shoulders slumped as he trudged over to the door with Cooper in his wake.
I headed to the bathroom, dumping the flowers in
