“It’s not a courtship ritual, so don’t worry about my Tall Medium. Doc will be there with us. This is more of a defensive move since my sister will also be there and she has a history of pawing you all over.”
“But wasn’t that when Susan had Cornelius confused for Doc and was trying to make you jealous?”
“Yes,” I told Natalie. “But Cornelius has a way of throwing Susan off her game. He might be able to run interference for me.”
“So, in addition to giving you the trident,” Natalie clarified, “Cornelius has to try to distract the man-stealing tramp for a couple of days?”
“Bingo. Between his efforts and yours, I’m hoping Susan won’t be able to connive my demise as easily.”
Natalie frowned. “Sheesh, you’re not taking any chances this time, are you?”
“Never underestimate the power of the Bitch from Hell. Mark my words, her forked tongue has wreaked havoc for the last time on my love life.”
“Your littermate has a forked tongue?” Cornelius asked.
“Metaphorically speaking.”
He stroked his beard. “I’ve often wondered what it would be like to exchange saliva in a French fashion with someone whose tongue is split in two.”
Natalie and I both blinked at him, no words coming forth from either of us for several beats.
“What do you think?” he asked Natalie.
“Well, based on decades of dealing with Violet’s sister, you’re getting the shaft in this deal.”
I poked her in the shoulder. “Remind me to ask Santa for a new best friend for Christmas next year.”
She poked me back. “You’ll be lucky to get a tiny lump of coal with the way you’re going, Executioner.”
She had a point. While selling real estate was harmless enough most days, my part-time job of killing otherworldly assholes was sure to put me at the top of the Naughty list along with Susan … if I lived that long. Executing deadly troublemakers was a hazardous business.
“How many nights?” Cornelius asked me.
“Only two.”
I hoped.
“You’d better pack for three,” Natalie chimed in like a death knoll.
I squinted at her for not helping. She wrinkled her nose back at me.
“What’s your parents’ house number?” Cornelius asked.
“3731. Why?”
“Prime numbers. Most excellent.” Handing me the trident, he said, “Since I’m already prepared for an extended stay away, I agree to the terms of your deal, Violet.”
He picked up his bag that sat next to the Murphy bed in the living room and then detoured to the bathroom, returning with a shaving kit that had a Bigfoot emblem on the side. He stuffed the kit and his new robe in his bag. “What is the destination location for this holiday event?”
“Rapid City.” I held up the key that had instigated our visit with Cornelius. “I guess you won’t be needing Doc’s key now.”
He took it and pocketed it. “Not until I return from completing my diversion duties with your littermate.” He shut off the lights and indicated for us to lead the way out of the apartment.
Natalie opened the door. “What happened to your key, Cornelius?”
I followed her down the stairs, trident in hand. “Did you lose it?”
“Violet’s dead boss hid it from me.”
I did an about-face, frowning up at him as he closed the door.
Natalie waited for us at the base of the stairs. “How could Jane’s ghost hide your key to Doc’s office?”
Actually, the “how” of it wasn’t so much of a question, since Jane had been growing more active over the last month or two. My dead boss was the reason Cornelius had been asked to move into the apartment above our office in the first place. However, ever since Cornelius had started sharing space with Jane’s ghost, her abilities had strengthened to worrisome levels.
“The better question in this case,” I said, “is why would Jane hide the key from you?”
He hitched his bag over his shoulder. “She’s averse to me watching her through my video cameras.”
“Did she whisper that in your ear or something?” Natalie pressed.
“She made her feelings clear via the whiteboard in Violet’s office this morning.” Cornelius started down the stairs toward me.
That was fitting. Jane always had a penchant for filling the office whiteboards with to-do lists.
“What did she write?” I asked.
“Stop watching me!”
Chapter Five
Maybe I was overreacting about Susan having diabolical plans to steal my boyfriend, but she was slippery as a pocket full of pudding. If I could stack the deck in my favor with the aid of Natalie and Cornelius, I might not find myself squirming like a worm in hot ashes throughout the next couple of days of holiday merriments.
My phone rang as soon as I crawled behind the steering wheel in my SUV. I pulled it out as Natalie piled in next to me, her stocking cap and coat heavily sprinkled with snow from the short rush across the parking lot. Cornelius took the back seat.
A glance at the phone’s screen confirmed my fears—my mother was calling yet again, undoubtedly to remind me that the sky was still falling in frozen wet pieces.
I handed Natalie my phone as I started the engine. “Answer that for me, would you?”
“Sure thing.” She held the phone to her ear. “Santa’s workshop, Natalie the drunken elf speaking.”
I heard my mom’s laughter coming through the line, followed by a flurry of words. Shifting into drive, I headed out of the lot. According to the Honda’s external thermometer, the temperature had dropped noticeably outside over the last half hour. The parking lot had a slight crunch underneath the snow where there used to be slush.
Natalie smiled as she listened. My parents had unofficially adopted my best friend as one of their own long ago, including Natalie in our family holiday plans since we were kids. Not having her with us at all this year would have been odd.
“Yeah, she’s right here next to
