‘Was he angry with you?’
There was a moment of silence. ‘I couldn’t tell him that Lorna had told me, that I’d been going to see her behind his back.’
‘You’re frightened of him?’ Helen asked.
‘Not in that way! Not thinking that he might hit me. He’s never been violent. But sometimes I’m frightened of hurting him even more, of his moods.’ Another pause. ‘Of his silences. I feel guilty when I see how much I’ve hurt him.’
‘Was that when you stopped going to see Lorna?’ Joe could see how torn the woman was, her allegiance split between the man and the daughter.
‘I didn’t stop seeing her. I was there when the baby was born, in the hospital. She wanted me there so of course I went. It was a long labour and Lorna was so brave. Hardly a whimper. And then Thomas was born. Tiny and perfect. The midwife let me hold him for a moment while she tidied up Lorna. It was seven in the morning. Nearly this time of year. Just starting to get light and I carried him to the window to see the world outside. There were tears running down my face.’ Jill looked out of the window. ‘But I thought it was the happiest day of my life. Better even than the birth of my own girl, because then I was so full of painkillers that it was a bit of a blur. That morning Thomas was born, I was sharp and clear. I still remember it. Every bit of it.’
‘Had you told your husband where you’d be?’
Another silence. ‘No,’ she said at last. ‘Not before I went. He was out when Lorna called to say her waters had broken. I left him a note here on the table, but he’d been to Edinburgh to watch the rugby and it was late when he got in. He’d been drinking with his friends. He dumped his bag on top of the note without seeing it and took himself to bed. So drunk, he didn’t even notice I wasn’t there. Or didn’t care. The next morning, he got himself into a panic, wondering where I was because the car had gone and he still didn’t find the note.’
‘He thought you’d left him?’
‘Aye. He was probably wondering how he’d manage the farm by himself. Thinking what it would cost to hire in some help.’ She stared at them across the table, gave a little smile. ‘That’s not fair. I’d made him feel foolish. There are some men who hate to feel foolish. And it was my fault for not telling him that I was seeing Lorna, that she wanted me there for the birth.’ Another moment of silence. ‘I came home, so excited to tell him about the baby, but he didn’t want to know. “I don’t care about the bastard child. I never want to see it.” Of course he did, desperately, but once he’d said those things, it was impossible for him to change his mind. He’s stubborn. Afraid of seeming weak.’
‘You must have gone to see them, though.’ Joe thought she wouldn’t have left her daughter alone and unsupported in a house with a new baby.
There was another smile. ‘Of course I did. I think Robert knew where I was going those Fridays – he’s not daft – but he didn’t ask. That pride again.’
‘When was the last time you saw them?’ Joe said.
‘A week ago.’
‘How did Lorna seem?’
Jill seemed to choose her words carefully. ‘I’ve thought about that since they came this morning to tell me that Lorna was dead. She was a bit quiet, withdrawn, but she could get like that some days. I tried not to read too much into it – no point in getting anxious. I never asked if she was still seeing Thomas’s father, but maybe that was it. The relationship a bit rocky. Often the next time I’d go, she’d be brighter, talking about the future.’ Joe noticed she was pleating the wool of her jumper with her fingers, compulsive. ‘I was supposed to be going to see her yesterday. Friday, my usual day. But it had started to snow and the forecast was dreadful, so I texted her to say I wouldn’t make it.’
‘Did you hear back from her?’ When did we all start texting? Joe thought. When did we stop actually speaking to each other?
The woman shook her head. ‘But that wasn’t unusual. She didn’t communicate much and when she did it was on her own terms. She didn’t seem to think that I wanted to know she was safe. But I’d stopped worrying about her quite so much. She’d made a friend. An older woman, who used to teach her in the village school. Constance Browne. A good woman. Lorna seemed able to talk to her.’
‘Didn’t that make you a bit jealous?’ Joe didn’t know how he’d feel if his Jess found other adults to confide in.
Jill Falstone seemed astonished. ‘Of course not! I was pleased there was someone kind to look out for her. As I said, Connie Browne is a good woman. She even let Lorna use her car if she needed to do a big shop in Kimmerston or take the baby to the health visitor.’
‘She was driving Miss Browne’s car yesterday. She was about a mile from the entrance to Brockburn, the big house on the edge of Kirkhill. Any idea why she might have been there?’
Another pause, before Jill shook her head.
‘There’s a woman who works there, Dorothy, quite a bit older than your Lorna but with a baby about the same age. Could they have been friends?’
‘I’ve explained, Sergeant, I didn’t know anything about Lorna’s life. She needed to be in control, just as she needed to be in control of what
