Vera could see that a baby might be easier than an arty grown-up son and a couple of bolshie teenage girls, but still she didn’t challenge him. Best to let him carry on talking.
‘I went to see her as soon as she was home from the hospital with the baby. I told Lorna then that I wanted to marry her, that I wanted us to set up home together. I explained that I’d just have to sort things out with Rosemary. It hadn’t been much of a marriage for years. That was what I told Lorna. She said she’d wait. She wanted me then as much as I wanted her.’
‘But it didn’t last, did it, pet? The passion and the excitement. For her at least. Lorna was growing up, getting a bit more confidence. She didn’t need you in the end.’
‘She was young,’ he said. He sounded as petulant as one of his kids. ‘She didn’t know her own mind.’
Again, Vera bit back a reply. For a moment the forest was silent again. ‘Then she started going out with your son. The lovely Josh. I rather think my DC has a soft spot for him. Even I can see the appeal.’ Vera turned to him. The sky was quite clear now and the stars seemed so close she felt as if she could reach out to grab a handful. ‘And you never had found the courage to tell Rosemary you wanted to leave and split up the happy family. No wonder Lorna lost patience and preferred a boyfriend her own age.’
He tensed. She sensed the hostility coming from him.
‘Thomas was my son.’
She was glad he’d thrown away the gun, but he was still bigger than her and very much stronger. There was anger in his voice; she should be more careful how she spoke to him. Then she remembered Lorna and the way Heslop had tried to own the young woman, a brave young woman, who’d survived an eating disorder and who was making a life for herself and her child. At that moment, anger took over and thoughts of self-preservation flew away.
‘I got it all wrong,’ she said. ‘We all got it wrong. We thought Lorna was trying to hold on to her lover, to persuade him to stay with her. Not that she was trying to escape from a toxic relationship, a relationship that wasn’t working for her any longer, with a man who was becoming more and more controlling and obsessive.’
He tensed again, but she continued talking all the same. ‘Did you feel that she’d used you? That she was keen to see you while she was still frail and needy, but once she was stronger, she wanted someone closer to her own age?’
‘I made her stronger!’ He thumped the icy ground beside him with his fist.
‘You did,’ Vera agreed. ‘But if you’d loved her, you should have let her go. Not bullied her into staying as your bit on the side.’ She turned to him. ‘You wanted it all, didn’t you? Happy families at home, and an illicit young woman to spice up your love life. You couldn’t bear it when Lorna started to see sense.’
‘Thomas was my child.’ It had become a refrain. She thought he’d repeated it over and over in his head until it had become an obsession, a belief in the justice of his actions. The words had convinced him that Lorna had been planning to steal what was rightfully his.
‘Was she going to tell Josh?’ Vera asked. ‘Not just that you’d had the relationship, but that you were stalking her? Is that why you had to kill her?’
‘She was going to take everything away from me.’ The voice was implacable, without emotion.
‘So, you arranged to meet her at the lay-by looking down over Brockburn. You had the tractor and came over the field. What I don’t understand is why she agreed to be there that evening, in the dark and the snow, the bairn in the car when the driving was dangerous. And what had panicked her the day before?’
‘She wasn’t fit to be a mother. The anorexia proved that, and the way she treated me wasn’t rational. I told her I was going to apply for custody of the boy. Rosemary would have understood, she loves kids and would have taken him in. He’d have been part of a loving family. Happy. When I picked Lorna up in Kimmerston the day before, I told her access might be enough for me. If she met me that night, we could discuss it. Maybe we could come to some arrangement . . .’
At that, Vera forgot all sense of caution. ‘She was a much better parent to Thomas than you’d ever be.’ The words came out strong and slow and as soon as they were spoken, she knew she’d pushed him too far. Still she went on: ‘And it wasn’t an arrangement you wanted, but some crazy idea of revenge.’
He turned slowly towards her. The blue Viking eyes were piercing and a little mad. There was ice on his beard. He got up onto his knees, pulled off his big mittens and put his hands round her throat and began to squeeze. Vera tried to fight back by tugging at the giant fists and kicking out. But she was still sitting and her movement was restricted. He was strong and used to handling struggling beasts. As Vera began to lose consciousness, she thought this was her fault. She should have kept Heslop sweet until she’d got him to the station. She thought it was her pride again, making her think she was indestructible. Some words from the poem Holly had read out at an earlier briefing repeated themselves in her head.
But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.
Then the world went black.
Chapter Forty-Two
HOLLY RAN THROUGH THE FOREST, HER pace even, jumping across the roots that occasionally blocked her way, ducking
