Ruby looked at her curiously. “That’s sweet of you.”
“I’m just doing my job. You’re my submissive. It’s my responsibility to look after you.”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “Right. Because everything is just ‘business’ to you.”
“I didn’t mean-”
“Relax, I’m just teasing you. But honestly, you don’t have to fuss over me like this.”
“Yes, I do. What we’re doing together, it involves a certain level of vulnerability. That state, it leads to all kinds of good feelings. But sometimes, negative feelings surface in their wake, leading to a drop, physically, mentally, emotionally-” Yvonne looked down at Ruby. She had a distant look in her eye and was clearly on the verge of sleep. Now wasn’t the time for BDSM 101. “As your Domme, I need to take care of you and make sure all your needs are met in order to prevent that drop. It’s simple aftercare.”
Ruby gazed up at Yvonne, her thick eyelashes fluttering. “Now that I think about it, there is something you can do for me.”
“What is it?”
Ruby hesitated. “Can you get into bed with me?”
Yvonne wasn’t surprised by Ruby’s request. Physical intimacy was an important part of aftercare. She could leave after Ruby fell asleep. “All right.”
She slid into the bed next to Ruby. Ruby settled against her, her back to Yvonne.
Tentatively, Yvonne wrapped an arm around Ruby, drawing her in close. “How’s this?”
“This is good.” Ruby peered back at her, smiling. “I’m feeling better already.”
Ruby grabbed the sheets and pulled them up over them, letting out a contented sigh. The room lapsed into silence. The scent of Ruby’s hair filled Yvonne’s head. It was something sweet and light.
Yvonne spoke quietly. “Ruby?”
“Mmhm?”
“Thank you for tonight, with my friends. They can be… a lot.”
“It’s no problem. I had fun.” Ruby turned to face her. “I hope I made a good impression.”
“You did. You were perfect. You seemed comfortable. Genuine.”
“I tried to do what you said. To be myself.” Ruby’s voice faltered. “But it was hard. I’ve spent so long being who people want me to be. Who clients want me to be…”
Yvonne examined her. The distant, unfocused look in Ruby’s eyes suggested she was still in a vulnerable headspace.
She stroked Ruby’s arm reassuringly. “You don’t have to do that anymore. Not for me. You can just be yourself. I want the real you, Ruby.”
Ruby was silent for a moment. “It’s just that, sometimes, I feel like I don’t even remember who the real me is.”
“And now is the perfect time for you to try to figure that out. You have a whole year of no obligations. No clients to please, no expectations. You should take advantage of that. Do things for yourself, things that make you happy. You have unlimited time at your disposal, not to mention money. I checked the statement for that credit card I gave you. You haven’t bought anything for yourself other than food and clothes.”
“What else am I supposed to buy?”
“Anything. Whatever you want.”
Ruby sighed. “I guess I’ll have to figure out what that is.”
She closed her eyes. Yvonne watched and listened as Ruby’s breaths grew slow and deep. After a few minutes, Yvonne got up from the bed, taking care not to disturb Ruby. Ruby didn’t stir. She was asleep.
Yvonne lingered at Ruby’s bedside, that feeling of concern she’d felt earlier striking her again. At the back of her mind, a voice whispered a single word.
Stay.
But that wasn’t an option. Yvonne couldn’t afford to get too attached to Ruby.
She slipped out of Ruby’s bedroom and shut the door behind her.
Chapter 13
Ruby wandered through the department store, her arms saddled with bags. She’d been shopping all morning and half the afternoon, with the intention of buying something for herself. Once again, she’d ended up with nothing other than more clothes and shoes.
Her feet ached, and she couldn’t carry anything more. She was ready to go home. But she still hadn’t found what she was looking for. The problem?
She didn’t know what she was looking for.
She’d said as much to Yvonne that night. Ruby didn’t know who she was. She didn’t know what she wanted. She’d almost confessed the truth to Yvonne, about him, about who he’d been to Ruby, about everything he’d done. About how she’d gotten so used to becoming who he’d wanted her to be that she’d lost all sense of herself, of her identity.
In hindsight, she could see that it had been her way of coping with her situation. It had been easier just to be compliant, to do and say and be whatever he wanted. Ruby had always been the type of person who thrived on pleasing others on some level. He had taken advantage of that.
But that was all in the past. Now, Ruby had the opportunity to find herself again. She needed to figure out how to do that.
And buying another pair of shoes wasn’t the answer.
She sighed. It said something about Ruby that it was only because of Yvonne’s encouragement that she’d finally decided to figure out what she wanted. Here Ruby was, under someone else’s control again. But Yvonne was different. Despite her thirst for control, she wasn’t controlling. Whether they were in the bedroom or otherwise, Yvonne would provide Ruby with direction while allowing her to choose whether to follow it. In becoming Ruby’s Mistress, Yvonne had given Ruby a sense of stability that she hadn’t even known she’d needed. Yvonne was helping Ruby find her way, without even knowing she was doing so.
It made Ruby all the more determined to ensure she was holding up her end of the bargain, both as Yvonne’s ‘wife’ and as her submissive. But Ruby wasn’t sure what that entailed. What could someone like Yvonne possibly want? What did she need? The woman was a mystery.
Ruby stopped in the middle of the aisle and looked around her. She’d been wandering aimlessly in the maze of the department store for what felt like hours now, and she was lost.
