"They just left. Dad after years and years of drinking, fighting with my mom and hitting me. And mom was probably done picturing a perfect family that could withstand difficulties. She preferred partying and everyone knew that. I was the one to stay with Aiden most nights anyway, so she just packed her bags and left."
Now, she felt more anger than anything else. She didn't want to overthink it. Wherever her parents were right now and if they were even alive, she couldn't care less. They’d done enough damage already. She wouldn’t allow more.
Elio watched her but didn't say anything.
"I held onto the idea of my parents for a long time. Even if they couldn't love me. I tried to convince myself that the circumstances will change. That if I loved harder, if I gave more, the situation would evolve. The value of my love would be recognized." She paused, sighing. There were tears in her eyes as she remembered herself as a child. Always courting for affection, making excuses for each bruise she got. "Then I felt like I had to. I felt like I had to be the one to fix, to mend. The one who proved that people don't give up on each other."
"Weak people give up," whispered Elio.
"No," she shook her head. "Broken people do."
The mattress dipped underneath her as she felt Elio's torso pressed flat against her back. His fast heartbeat almost palpable while his breath was swathing her unnerved body. No matter how many times she said she didn't care, there would always be a piece of her that proved her wrong. She wasn't meant to hate and never forgive. She wasn't wired that way and couldn't imagine a scenario with a different outcome. That was why she wished that her parents would never come back. Her heart couldn't handle it and it wouldn't be good for Aiden to place him in a toxic relationship with people who barely remembered him. But she wouldn't deny that possibility. She wasn't strong enough for that. Elio was mistaken in that regard.
"Everyone is broken one way or another, Savannah. We choose whether we want our experiences to rule our world or push them as far away as possible in our minds," he said against her skin.
The heat radiating from his soft touch on her hips made it very hard to think. He was the person who could make her forget without a doubt.
"Why have you changed your mind?"
He tensed. He knew exactly what she meant. The problem was that he wasn't certain if his answer would be true. At least not fully.
"I wanted to fuck you," he stated, not beating around the bush.
Savannah turned her head, dumbfounded. Yet she couldn't put a finger on whether she was surprised by his words or his intentions. She knew he was a Made Man and without knowing much about her there could barely be any reason for his interest other than sex.
She squeezed her thighs together. She’d given him a lot already and if he was truthful with her now, she might not want to give even more.
He smiled lightly, recognizing her dread. "It's all a bit tragic, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"That it's not the most crucial thing anymore." He held her tighter, kissing her nose like some kind of assurance. It didn't set her mind at ease. "If you thought that I would say it's not something I think about, then I need to disappoint you. I'm not a good man and I do want to fuck you constantly."
Her cheeks flushed. But the itch between her legs betrayed her true feelings. How could his dirty mouth turn her on so badly?
"I started respecting you. That's why I couldn't go through with my plan. On top of the fact that you handle a much bigger responsibility than I'd ever consider. I can be a huge asshole sometimes, but I wouldn't degrade you for something I once wished my mother would be capable of doing."
"You are," she whispered, snuggling up in Elio's embrace, "an asshole, I mean."
Elio chuckled. "Glad we're on the same page."
"Did your mother leave you?"
He shook his head. "Not in a literal sense. But she's weak and my father feeds on her weaknesses; she isn't able to put her foot down. She just exists but never meddles in how I and my brother are treated. We walked around with busted lips, bruises and cuts from the youngest of ages and she just turned her head the other way."
His words were detached as if he felt nothing anymore, thinking about it. He rejected all the perspectives that Savannah would never be able to forget.
Turned out their pasts weren't all that different.
She sighed and turned around, sitting with her legs under her butt. Her eyes finally meeting his. "I don't want to get hurt, Elio."
Her pulse quickened under his scrutinizing gaze. It felt like waiting on a sentence in court. One that would change her life once and for all, without going back.
She wondered why she still believed she had a choice in the matter. Whatever he was to say wouldn't change a thing. She still wanted him. And he still wanted her. Stopping was no longer an option to consider. She should rather think about how to survive it all.
He leaned in, only a few inches from her lips. His minty breath tantalizing. "The last thing I want is to hurt you. But it's all fucking new to me, too. I am not used to spending time with girls without getting something in return."
"Haven't you ever been in a relationship?" she asked.
Elio had to stifle a laugh because of Savannah's ignorance. He didn't want to tell her straight to her face that girls were only good for sucking
