Ever since Gage had left, Ulric hadn’t seen the point in losing weight anymore. He’d gone to the nearest store and bought some ice cream. Then he’d visited Ben’s Buns toward closing, and bought Ben out of all his remaining donuts and buns. Every single day.
At least he’d done someone a good deed.
Ulric watched as cars rumbled along the street, absently polishing off his donut. Then he reached for the next thing—a butt-shaped pizza bun dotted with pepperoni slices, covered in melted cheese. He ate that, too.
He stayed on the roadside bench as the traffic ebbed and flowed, pedestrians drifting past him, absorbed in their own lives. No one noticed him; that was fine. He’d spent years being forgotten. It wasn’t so difficult to return to that.
What he didn’t want to return to, though, was home. It was too empty in that house right now, too quiet. Wilkie came and went, and he was okay to be around. But what grated on Ulric’s nerves was his too-large bed, the kitchen that held all his memories of Gage, the living room couch where they’d snuggled together and watched movies.
He couldn’t help remembering the times Gage had teased him, the times Gage had hugged him and held his hand. Some nights, he pretended that Gage was in bed with him, and that Gage desired every inch of his body.
Gods, he was pathetic. Maybe he should just move away and get a fresh start. All over again.
Ulric crammed another bun into his mouth, wishing the ache in his chest would fade. Night had fallen; the streetlamps had come on. Most of the shops on this street had closed. Ulric still wasn’t keen on going home, though. Maybe when he’d finished all his buns.
He was in the middle of a fruit tart when a family strolled down the sidewalk—Ulric recognized that scarred face. It was Gage’s alpha cousin, Jesse. And Jesse no longer had that swollen belly.
Instead, he had a support band wrapped around his flat abdomen. His husband, Dom, wore a child harness with two infants—Ulric had heard they were both boys—and a toddler bounced along the sidewalk between them, looking delighted.
Ulric tried to glance away before they saw him. Nothing like being this out-of-shape in front of two firefighters. Except Jesse caught his eye and waved. “Hey! You’re Gage’s friend, aren’t you?”
Ulric’s heart sank. He pasted on a smile, hurriedly wiping his hands on his pants. “Yeah. Congrats on the birth.”
“Thanks.” Jesse shook his hand. “How are things with you and Gage?”
Ulric tried not to wince. That still hurt. And it was so embarrassing. “We, uh. I think we’re still friends.”
Concern darted through Jesse’s expression. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m fine.” Ulric shrugged. It wasn’t like he could fix any of this. He didn’t need anyone else knowing he couldn’t keep an alpha, either—especially not two other alphas who were happily married. “Things will get better.”
“Ooh! Can I have one?” Jesse’s son asked, peering curiously into Ulric’s bag of treats.
Happy that he wasn’t the only one who loved those buns, he nudged the bag toward the boy. “Sure. Pick however many you’d like.”
“Just one,” Jesse told his son. “We shouldn’t be greedy, Owen.”
Even though Ulric knew that wasn’t directed at himself, he felt the weight of every single treat he’d eaten, he felt all the pounds he’d gained over the last week. He had shoved the scale under the bathroom counter, not wanting to break it with how he was now.
Owen fished out a cheesy bun from the bag, looking delighted. Jesse nudged him. “What do we say when we get a present, hon?”
Owen beamed at Ulric. “Thank you!”
Ulric cracked a smile. The boy was kind of cute. And he didn’t think badly of Ulric for his weight. If Ulric ever had a child, would they be like that too...?
Jesse followed Ulric’s gaze. “Gage was asking about surgical implants. If you’re still interested in it...” He pulled out a card from his wallet, handing it to Ulric. “Rutherford’s the doctor who pioneered the technology, but he’s based on the east coast. If you’d like to chat with someone closer to home, there’s Nate, who’s a firefighter in Meadowfall. He has some experience with the process.”
Ulric looked at the names Jesse had scribbled on the card. “I think my neighbor Nate is a firefighter. Is he the same guy?”
“Probably.” Jesse grinned. “It’s a pretty small world.”
Ulric tucked the card into his pocket, his heart sore. What he would do with all this information? He didn’t have anyone who wanted to raise a family with him. “Thanks.”
“Things will get better,” Jesse said, patting Ulric’s shoulder. “I’ll have a chat with Gage.”
At that, Ulric’s stomach tightened. “No, you don’t have to.”
Jesse looked doubtful. Had life always been easy for him and Dom? Ulric didn’t know.
“I’m glad things are going well for you,” Ulric blurted. At least Jesse had an alpha who loved him. And a family, too.
“Thanks. I’ll check back on you sometime,” Jesse said, still concerned.
Ulric shook his head. “It’s okay, really. I’m thinking of leaving Meadowfall.”
“Huh. Does Gage know?”
Ulric thought about Gage finding out, and being nonchalant about it. That hurt. “I don’t think he cares.”
Jesse frowned. “I see. Take care, okay?”
“Will do.” Ulric watched as Jesse and his family strolled down the street, Dom wrapping his arm around Jesse’s waist, Jesse ruffling Owen’s hair. They all looked so happy together. Ulric wished he could have something like that.
Should he have withheld the money? Should he have just... let Gage struggle? That wasn’t the right way to treat someone he loved.
He loved Gage—he knew that now. And that helped no one at all.
Ulric looked down at his bag of treats, feeling lonelier than before. Would having a uterus make him more attractive to anyone? Would it have changed Gage’s mind? He touched his belly, his chest too tight.
He
