Eric groaned, frustrated and disappointed and disgusted with himself.
It had to be his hormones. That was it.
By the time Eric pulled into his parents’ driveway, he wasn’t sure he should be there, either. How did you tell your parents, I just fucked my brother? You couldn’t.
And now... they’d be able to smell Olivier on him, too.
His stomach clenched. Eric pulled open his glove box, looking for a scent suppressant. He found a barely-used bottle, spritzing it all over his clothes until it stung his eyes.
Should’ve rented an apartment for a week, instead of staying with his parents.
He hadn’t found a place in Meadowfall he wanted yet. His job at Total Sounds was to oversee both branches, maybe even open a third if business was successful.
So... if he got a place here, it would be pretty damn permanent. And with Jenn at nine months old, he wanted a baby-proof place, somewhere safe for her. For now... Eric was staying with his parents. So he wasn’t killing himself trying to care for his daughter, too.
Eric trudged up to the front door. His parents had moved since he’d gone to college. They’d finally found a single family home, leaving behind that apartment with the fire escape on one end of the building.
That previous place... it brought back memories. Like a Black Forest cake in the fridge, and a stolen kiss high above the lamplit roads.
Eric unlocked the door, sniffing at himself. There was still musk on him, and cedar. And faintly, carnation.
It was late, though—11PM. The house was silent, except the kitchen light was on. Eric shut the front door behind himself, sniffing. The air smelled like roasted pork, and a mix of other scents—his mother’s morning glory, his father’s padauk, his brothers’ maplewood and pine.
He padded upstairs first, to the bedroom he was sharing with Jenn. Shadows pooled in the room, with the faint orange of streetlamps seeping through the window.
Eric stopped at Jenn’s cot, wiping his hands off before he scooped her into his arms. She smelled slightly like soap, and she was warm, her hair soft against his fingertips. Jenn stirred a little. Then she fell back asleep, as though she’d had a long day.
Eric’s heart unclenched. Jenn still needed him. She’d been his anchor after Alice died.
After a whole day apart from her, it was comforting to just hold her against his chest, feel the soft rise and fall of her breathing.
“Hey,” he murmured. “Missed you today.”
She mumbled like she was sleep talking, and Eric cheered up a little.
It was complex, caring for her. Sometimes he needed her too much to let go, and sometimes, even the sight of her broke his heart—she looked like Alice, with her red hair and green eyes.
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, then set her gently back in her cot. Watched her for a few moments longer, before he made his way down to the kitchen.
Cole stepped out through the kitchen doorway, his blond eyebrows rising. “Eric! Didn’t hear you.”
Eric shrugged. “Just got home. I went upstairs to check on Jenn.”
Cole was his blood-brother, Olivier’s stepbrother. If it weren’t for their eyes, Cole and Eric would’ve looked almost the same.
Cole sipped from his mug. “Yeah, Jenn’s asleep. Cried like a banshee most of the day. Some of us go to bed at 10AM, you know. I’m doing a 24-hour shift tomorrow.”
With the way he worked full days at the fire station... Cole really did need that sleep. Eric winced. “Sorry.”
Cole shrugged. “You owe me a better set of earplugs.”
“I’ll get you a pair.”
Cole surveyed him. Then his nostrils flared, and Eric was too aware of the carnation and musk on his body.
Cole narrowed his eyes. “I thought Alice passed away last month.”
Eric sighed. “Can we not talk about this?”
“Smells familiar,” Cole said, looking pointedly at Eric. “Okay, I’m not judging. Just sayin’. Feels like I’ve smelled that before.”
Of course you have. It’s Ollie. Eric looked away so Cole could read his discomfort. Cole was younger than Olivier by four years, so he’d been twelve when Olivier presented as omega. But right now wasn’t the time to ask, When did you last see Ollie?
Not with the smell of sex clinging to his skin.
“Plenty of people who smell like carnation,” Eric said.
“Someone I know?”
“Nah.” Eric couldn’t help the heat in his cheeks, though. What possessed him to fuck Olivier? “Maybe you’ve met him in school or something, I don’t know.”
“Well, tell him I said hi,” Cole said.
“I’m not seeing him again.” At least, not without Ollie asking him to.
Eric turned away from the kitchen, itching for a shower. He needed to wash the scent off his skin and forget about today.
“I wasn’t expecting you to look for another omega,” Cole said behind him.
“Me neither. Things just happened, okay?”
Eric left the kitchen before he snapped at Cole. It wasn’t like he’d been looking. Hell, Eric didn’t want another omega. He was the one who’d gotten them into the car crash. He was the one who had gotten Alice killed.
Just like that, the grief plunged into his chest again, heavy like a sledgehammer.
It should’ve been him who died. He’d been the one driving. He should’ve seen the truck coming. Except Alice had shouted, and Eric had swerved too late, just enough to protect him and Jenn. Alice had died on the spot. Eric and Jenn had sustained minimal injuries.
How was Eric any good of an alpha, when he couldn’t keep his omega alive? He’d lost his best friend that night, and the memory of Jenn crying, Alice’s blood scarlet all over his hands... he couldn’t forget it. Couldn’t bear to admit to anyone that he was the one at fault.
So it meant Eric couldn’t return to Olivier unless Ollie asked, and even then, he had to keep his distance. It wasn’t like Eric could keep another person alive. He couldn’t commit.
He definitely couldn’t fall
