Eric leaned away, sick with horror.
Olivier shrugged. “I told you, I’d do anything for you. If you wanted to move in with Jenn, then... who am I to say no?”
“Gods, Ollie.”
For a moment, Eric thought about taking Jenn and leaving, so the sight of Jenn wouldn’t be a slap in Olivier’s face.
Except that would be going back on his word, wouldn’t it? He’d promised to protect Olivier. He couldn’t do that from afar.
Eric shuffled closer, tipping Ollie’s face toward himself.
He remembered Olivier in the parking lot, learning to carry Jenn. Olivier holding onto Jenn in the elevator, terrified of dropping her. Ollie didn’t have a single hurtful bone in his body, and knowing the way he’d taken whatever hurts Eric had dealt him...
Something knotted tight in Eric’s chest. Something that felt like need, and regret, and hunger, all rolled into one.
It wasn’t love. Couldn’t be. Eric had felt a flutter a couple weeks ago, just outside Olivier’s Strings. But this, this strange, intense feeling that welled up in his chest... He didn’t know what it was. Just knew that it hummed in his bones, and he wanted this omega closer.
“I think I like you,” Eric whispered, pressing his nose to Olivier’s cheek. “More than I did.”
Olivier breathed in shakily, his lashes fluttering against Eric’s forehead. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry about Jenn,” Eric said. “I should’ve asked. I should’ve known you were self-sacrificing, you bastard—”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” Olivier protested.
“If I’m not gonna worry, then who is?” Eric looked fiercely at him. “Who else will protect you, if not me?”
Olivier bit his lip, looking away. “I don’t know.”
“Seems to me like you need someone,” Eric growled, touching Ollie’s bond mark with his fingertips. “It’s gonna be me.”
“You already promised me protection,” Olivier mumbled.
“Then I’m promising even more.”
Olivier flushed a deep red. He loved Eric; Eric’s heart thumped with that knowledge. He wanted to say I love you in return. But that was a commitment, and Eric still had his doubts. He’d failed Alice. He hadn’t stopped his mom from tormenting Olivier.
Yet, he wanted Ollie closer. That much, Eric knew.
So Eric tilted his head, catching Olivier’s lips lightly with his own. Olivier gasped. “Eric—”
“I like you,” Eric whispered, nipping on Olivier’s lower lip. “Want you to be mine.”
Ollie whimpered, his body pliant.
Gods, if there was someone who needed protecting... It was Ollie. Eric dragged his wrist down Ollie’s jaw, just kissing him.
Olivier’s breath puffed on his lips. “Does she—does your mom know? About us.”
Eric shook his head. “At this point... I’m not sure she even deserves to know.”
He wanted to find something in her that was forgivable. Except seeing the way she’d spoken about Ollie—He doesn’t belong at all in this family—Olivier didn’t need any more of that crap.
Olivier broke the kiss. “I don’t want to cost you the rest of the family, Eric. First Cole, and now your mom—”
“You’re more important,” Eric whispered, stroking Olivier’s hair. “I want you to remember that.”
Olivier squirmed, looking uneasy. “I think you’ll regret this.”
“I won’t.” Something in Eric’s chest told him that.
He stroked Ollie’s hair, wondering if this was the start of something. If he and Olivier could live together, entwining their lives, their children growing up happy.
Olivier sighed, resting his head on Eric’s shoulder. “If you say so.”
They stayed together like that for some time, just enjoying the other’s company, listening to the sounds of each other breathing. Eric wondered what Alice would say, if she saw this.
If he’s loved you for that long, it’s about time you got together with him, he imagined her saying. Life waits for no one, Eric.
Except those were just his biased thoughts. What if he was wrong? What if Alice would rather Eric stay widowed the rest of his life? They hadn’t time to discuss that before the accident. Eric had assumed that his marriage would last for years to come.
“Is this really okay?” Olivier asked, his voice muffled against Eric’s shoulder. “I mean... me and you.”
Eric shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. I’ve told you that I’ve fucked up before.”
“With—With Alice?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”
Eric sighed. At some point, Olivier would have to know, or the question would always stay on his mind. “Car crash. I was driving.”
Ollie’s hand tightened around his arm.
“It was late. We’d gone out of town to visit wine country, and we’d been stuck in traffic on the way home. So I—I made the decision to take a side road. One of those middle-of-nowhere trails that connect highways, you know?”
Olivier watched him, horrified.
“We were driving in pitch-darkness, save for headlights. Then a truck came along and the—the driver was having problems steering. I was gonna stay on the road shoulder to avoid it, but he was swerving onto the shoulders, too. So I did a three-point turn and—and there wasn’t time to get out of there. Jenn was in the backseat behind me. It was either I save her, or Alice.”
Olivier made a small, terrified sound in his throat.
Eric breathed out. He could still hear the blaring horn, the crunch of metal, and the blood—Gods, the blood.
“She died instantly,” Eric croaked, his chest so tight he thought it might collapse. “And somehow, Jenn and I—we had minimal injuries. I don’t know how it happened. It—it was a mess. Should’ve been me who died.”
“No,” Olivier whispered, his eyes filling with tears. “I’m glad you’re alive, Eric. Don’t say that.”
Eric met his gaze, his heart heavy. “I fucked up, Ollie. Shouldn’t have taken that road. Should’ve just stayed in traffic.”
“You wouldn’t have known!” Olivier wrapped his thin arms around Eric and Jenn, pulling them close. “It’s not your fault. You did the best you could.”
Eric shrugged. Yeah, there was that. Sometimes, he thought maybe he could explain things that way. But he was also responsible for his family. What if he fucked up, and lost Ollie this time?
“You’re brave,” Olivier whispered, cupping Eric’s face.
