At five months, Olivier’s belly was just a little rounder, almost stretching the shirt he wore—that was Eric’s. Ollie had worn almost all of Eric’s shirts, except for the Total Sounds one that Eric had brought home.
That was okay. Eric wasn’t sure Ollie had forgiven him entirely for bringing Total Sounds to Meadowfall.
He took a step into the kitchen; Ollie glanced up with a smile. “Eric! Wait, what’s wrong?”
Eric shook his head. It felt like there was a big, clumsy object in his chest. Was that his heart? “Bad dream,” he rasped.
“Oh.” Olivier winced. “Want to talk about it?”
“Dada!” Jenn said, reaching for Eric. “Goo goo wa!”
Eric sighed, leaning in to kiss the top of her head. “Nah. It’s nothing.”
Ollie watched him for a second longer, his gaze knowing. “Sometimes you say her name at night.”
Not Jenn’s, but Alice’s.
Shit. Eric hadn’t even been aware of that. He closed his eyes. Wanted to step out of the kitchen so he didn’t have to see Olivier’s face. “Anything bad?”
Olivier shrugged. “Here and there. I mean, she was your wife. I understand.”
He looked away, though, his smile wistful.
Eric swallowed hard. He didn’t want to ask what exactly he’d sleep talked about Alice. Didn’t want to know how much he had hurt Ollie with that. He’d kept his thoughts about Alice to a minimum in the day, but it seemed his subconscious still remembered.
To make up for it, Eric stepped over, pulling Olivier into a hug. “I love you, you know.”
Ollie sighed, his body thin in Eric’s arms. “I know. And I never take that for granted.”
Eric ran his fingers through Ollie’s wispy dark hair, breathing him in. The scent wasn’t bluebells.
But Olivier was his bondmate, and even though he was similar to Alice, there were differences. Like the way Ollie had begun to finish Eric’s sentences, the way Ollie pinched his ass, the way he hid in bed and peeked out over the sheets, waiting for Eric to join him.
And the way he was so eager to take Eric’s knot, too.
Eric fingered his phone through his shorts, wondering if the jeweler had started on his custom order. Ollie would like the rings, wouldn’t he?
“Ready for the ultrasound later?” Eric asked.
Olivier beamed, smoothing his hand over his belly. “Yes, I think so. I’m... I think I just felt a kick.”
The weight in Eric’s chest fell away. “Where?” His heart thumped. “I want to feel it, too.”
“I think it’s here.” Ollie set Eric’s hand on his abdomen, frowning in concentration.
Something faint bumped against Eric’s hand. Maybe it was just Olivier’s insides gurgling. Or maybe it was their baby responding to Ollie’s voice.
Eric’s heart missed a beat. “I think I felt it!”
“Did you?” Olivier smiled wider, his eyes sparkling. Eric’s heart swelled.
He loved Jenn, yes. But he’d never had a baby with Olivier, and he loved the thought of Ollie carrying their child, loved that Ollie wore his mark all over.
Eric knelt at Olivier’s feet, shoving up his shirt. Pressed kisses to Ollie’s belly, breathing in his carnation-and-honey scent.
“Hey,” he murmured. “I’m your other dad. You don’t hear much from me ‘cuz I’m not always hanging around your dad, but trust me—I’d hang around him all the time if I could.”
Olivier blushed. “You flirt.”
Eric grinned. “Only for you.”
He cradled Ollie’s belly, nosing at the dark line down his abdomen. Thought about the life inside, the hopeful new beginning it represented.
Alice would be happy for him, wouldn’t she?
Eric breathed in, his chest still tight. He wasn’t over her death yet. Probably never would be.
His heart sank like it was being dragged down. Still felt as though there was a cage in his chest, the same one he’d used to lock away his feelings for Olivier.
What if he’d opened the cage, only to have it still sitting in his chest? The dream this morning added another steel bar to it, squeezing around his heart.
What if Eric failed Ollie, like that almost-crash the other day? And the time Jenn choked on her food?
Eric dragged his wrists down Olivier’s thighs, leaving his scent on Ollie’s skin. Wondered if Ollie knew the weight he still carried.
“I’m responsible for Alice’s death,” Eric murmured, his breath snagging in his throat. “Think it’ll always stay with me.”
Olivier cradled his head, brushing Eric’s tears away. “We all make mistakes.”
“Some more terrible than others.”
“Like mine?” Olivier smiled lopsidedly.
“Like mine.” Eric huffed. “I killed Jenn’s mom, Ollie. I don’t know what to tell her when she grows older.”
Olivier winced. “It wasn’t your fault, Eric. It was an accident. And you’re still perfect to me, you know. You always have been.”
Eric chuckled. “That’s how you’re gonna see me?”
“Yup.”
“I can’t change your opinion?”
“Nope.” Olivier smiled. Then he leaned in, kissing Eric softly on the lips. His gaze was soft, his smile beautiful. “It’s always been you, Eric.”
Eric touched his phone again, wondering what a ring would look like on Ollie’s hand. What it would be like if they ever got married?
“O-eee,” Jenn said.
Eric froze, turning to stare at his daughter. “Say that again. Say ‘Ollie’.”
“O-eee.” Jenn grinned toothily.
“Oh,” Olivier said softly, a soft smile spreading through his face.
“Clever girl,” Eric said, getting up to drop a kiss on Jenn’s head. “You’re amazing. Say ‘amazing’.”
“A-la goo,” she said.
Eric sighed. “What about ‘cup’? Say ‘cup’.”
“Cup!” Jenn said.
“Say ‘dog’.”
“Dog!”
“Say ‘teapot’.”
“Peetot!”
Olivier chuckled. Eric grinned. “Good enough. Wanna start heading to work?”
Ollie blew out a sigh. “I guess.”
“You’ll have to send me the shop statements,” Eric said, scooping Jenn into his arms. She whined, reaching for her cereal. “I’ll look at the ad overview when we get home today. It’ll probably need some tweaking again—I’ve been working on the Total Sounds ads. We’ll need to re-optimize yours.”
It wasn’t difficult, either. Eric had been targeting Total Sounds on Olivier’s ads, so Ollie’s shop would appear on search results when people looked for Total Sounds.
Olivier squirmed. “As welcome as it is... I really don’t think you should be helping me, Eric. Someone might catch you.”
Eric shrugged. “I’m the regional manager.
