“Are you both okay?” Buster was halfway down the ladder with terror.
Grandma had abandoned the lemonade tray and raced to our side.
I scrambled to my feet and helped Josh up with my hand, then pulled off my hard hat.
“I’m absolutely fine,” Josh kept repeating as Grandma inspected him thoroughly, to my horror.
“Let me check you both. I can’t believe you fell off the roof. I’ve been worried about Buster falling all day, and it end up being my twenty-two-year-old granddaughter?” Grandma fussed.
“Grandma, I’m fine, I promise.” I tried to placate her, but her worry-face was strong at the moment. Turning to Josh, I asked again, “Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you?”
“I’m a hundred percent fine. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I’m just glad I was here to break your fall,” Josh tried to joke.
Then it really hit me.
Josh was here.
Standing on Buster’s front lawn.
And before I could stop myself, I asked more bluntly than I intended, “What are you doing here?”
But Josh didn’t take offense. He smiled at me as if I should know something I obviously didn’t. “It’s Saturday, remember?”
Saturday?
Oh, dinner.
Our date.
Grandma, apparently, had finished her health inspection of us both as Buster arrived at our side. “I’m Anna by the way, Jeraline’s grandmother, and this beautiful man right here is Buster.”
Josh shook both their hands with a grin. “Josh.”
“Oh, I know who you are. You were at the runway show supporting Jeraline. We didn’t get to meet considering what happened . . .” Grandma side-eyed me with a big “oops.”
“Grandma,” I groaned. The last thing I wanted to talk about was the runway show.
Grandma got the hint as she nodded toward the porch and the abandoned lemonade tray. “I made some lemonade. Why don’t you two catch up on the porch.” She discreetly winked at me as she kissed Buster on the cheek.
Buster also gave me a conspiratorial raise of an eyebrow, then nodded at Josh. “Good to meet you. If you two don’t mind, I need a bit of shade. Anna and I will drink our lemonade inside.”
With another thinking-they’re-clever smile between Grandma and Buster, I tried desperately not to die of embarrassment as they entered the house.
Now I was alone.
With Josh.
Turning back to him, I tried to regain my bearings. “I thought after what happened . . . you wouldn’t want to see me.”
“I followed you here this morning. I’ve been psyching myself up to come and talk to you for the last four hours. What you did was very sweet. I’m sorry I didn’t go after you to tell you that.”
My brain couldn’t form words.
Was this a fantasy?
From the awkward shift of Josh’s position, I knew it wasn’t. “You could say something.”
Did he really think speaking was that easy?
“I . . . need some lemonade. Let’s go sit?” That was me: such a player.
But Josh nodded with a half-turned smile and an ease to his steps as we walked up the three stairs of Buster’s porch. Sitting on the swing-bench with the two glasses of lemonade that Grandma left, Josh lazily rocked the swing with his foot.
After taking a large, relieving gulp, I began to feel human again.
Sipping on his glass, Josh asked, “Where’d you learn to roof?”
“That’s all Buster. Apparently, he worked for a roofing company for years. And my dad was kind of a handyman, doing odd jobs here and there, so he repaired a couple of roofs and I’d help. It’s weird how it all comes back to you though. It’s kind of nice, keeps me distracted from . . . my life.”
“Is it that bad?”
The echo of the gunshot rang in my ear as I pulled the trigger on my attacker. “Why did you come? I mean, I’m glad you did, but why?”
Josh shifted on the bench, causing it to sway crooked. “Do you think I’m just a guy who’s so into himself I couldn’t possibly like anyone?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Do you think that little of yourself?”
Ouch.
And yes.
“I’m saying everything wrong.” I hated all words that came out of my mouth.
“You don’t know me.” Josh’s tone was sad, as if he wanted to change that.
“You don’t know me either.” Why am I me?
But Josh smiled ruefully. “And that’s why I came.”
I smiled back, and a moment passed between us. A good moment. A comfortable moment.
But then I had to speak again. “Don’t you ever feel that if you start to show your true self, people will run away screaming?” I was scared of what people would think of me. The true me. The one who played out her nightmares in real time.
Josh leaned back on the swing, and we rocked slowly as the sun moved closer to the horizon. “I can’t imagine running away from you ever.”
I killed someone.
“Nothing could be that bad,” Josh added lightly.
I killed someone.
“Hypothetically, being a murderer would be pretty bad.” How do I live with that?
“You’re talking about killing someone?” Josh reared his head back and chuckled. “I think that should be the least of your worries, Jeraline.”
But it happened.
I killed someone.
“Trust me. You’re not the murdering type.”
I am though.
I did it.
It happened.
“What’s the murdering type? Buster? He killed men in war.” Why was I going down this road? Why with Josh? I didn’t know his favorite color, for goodness sake.
“That’s different.” Josh kept the bench rocking with his foot.
“How is it different? He still has to live with it.” Tell me. Tell me how it was different.
“It was him or them.” Josh shrugged as if this explained everything.
“But it’ll be with Buster forever. I don’t see how it could ever fade,” I said desperately. Would it? Would it ever fade? Even though it was self-defense?
Steadying the bench with his foot, he turned to me with a thoughtful expression on his face. “It’s just something that happens I guess. It’s not fair, but you learn to live with it, and it becomes a part of you.”
Nodding, I began to push the bench with my foot. “I’m tired of being scared of everything.”
“Are you scared of me?” Josh’s eyes shifted
