“Do you want a bullshit excuse or the truth?”
“I think you and I do truths best.”
“I haven’t found love because I haven’t been looking,” he explained. “I think love is beautiful. Hell, that’s why I live for flashes of love in my life. But the forever kind terrifies me, because I know how much it can hurt when it goes wrong. My mother almost died twice in my lifetime. It wasn’t a sudden thing, either. She had two battles with cancer, and each time I watched her suffer. I had to come to terms with the idea that I wouldn’t have a mother at a young age.
“That nearly killed me. I never wanted to go through losing someone I cared about that much again, so I don’t let myself get close with others on that personal level. I’m afraid of the forever kind of love because with love comes loss, and nothing truly lasts forever.”
Throughout our interactions with one another, we’d shared many pieces of us back and forth, yet I felt like Connor’s current information was actually the rawest he’d ever been with me. He was sharing things with me that I was almost certain he hardly shared with himself.
“It’s funny,” I replied, combing my fingers through my hair. “I think I’m the opposite of you. I chase after love because I’ve never had it. If I had a chance to have a mother, I would scoop it up, even with the idea of losing her. Having love once, to me, is better than never having had it at all. The problem with the way I chased love, though, is I ended up with people like Jason and my ex before him, Mario. I gave myself freely to people who probably didn’t deserve me at all.”
“Wow.” He breathed out, shaking his head back and forth as he slow-clapped.
“What?”
“It’s just nice to hear you finally realizing what I realized from the first moment I met you—that you’re a prize.”
I crinkled up my nose and shrugged. “Only took two men cheating on me, a failed marriage attempt, and a pretend life coach to get me here.”
“Doesn’t matter what it took as long as you arrived. Is it my turn for a deep question?”
“Shoot it my way.”
“Did you ever try to find them? Your parents?”
I pushed out a short-lived chuckle. “Yes, and I always ended up with dead ends. I gave up a few years ago, because what was the point? How long could I search for someone who wasn’t searching for me?”
“How unlucky of them to have never known you.”
My lips parted as our eyes locked, and I swore my damaged heart started beating for him. I gave him a shy grin before shaking my head. “Don’t do that, Connor.”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel important.”
His dimples deepened.
Goodness, I shouldn’t have liked that so much, but I did.
“Hey, Red?”
“Yes, Captain?”
“You want to go record a TikTok dance with me?”
31
Aaliyah
The hardest part of living with Connor was that he was insanely attractive and kind. It truly should’ve been illegal. No one should’ve been that handsome and nice—it ruined all other men. One of his favorite hobbies was to walked around shirtless on the regular. Some days, he’d come into the living room area dripping in sweat, and my lady parts tingled as if they hadn’t seen a shirtless men in ten years.
It wasn’t only his fit, muscular body that oddly turned me on, though. It was the way he went business mode on phone calls and spoke as if he was the HBIC—head bachelor in charge. He was thorough with every conversation he held and spoke with authority. His strength was sexy.
On the flip side, his bad jokes turned me on, too. Just watching the way his mouth moved when he spoke, how sometimes he’d bite down on the corner of his lip when he was trying to recall a punchline. Sexy.
And when he cooked? Holy crap. He turned me on when he made eggs. I was hot and bothered when he burned toast.
His laughter, his frowns, his goofy smirks. Everything about him pulled me in, and I didn’t know if once it was time for me to move on, I’d be able to let go. The more he existed in my world, the more I craved for him to stay. The more I hoped he’d notice me as more than his roommate, more than his friend.
“You sure this looks okay?” Connor asked as we stood inside an old warehouse for his photo shoot for Passion. He was dressed in a designer forest green velvet suit that fit him in all the right places. His hair was gelled back, and he had a makeup team touching up his face as I stood nearby watching.
The whole crew around us was setting up for his photo shoot with one of the top photographers in the industry, Jean Paxon. She’d shot for the royal family in the past, so having her at our shoot felt extraordinary.
“You look amazing,” I told him as I held his coffee and my tea in my hands. “Besides, there will be outfit changes and whatnot. You’re in the best hands, and remember, you’re already a pro at this kind of stuff with your TikTok.”
“Uh, this is kind of more advanced than some silly social media app. They have like fifty lights set up! Plus, this magazine is going to be in stores. The last thing I need is to end up taking crappy pictures because of my ugly face.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have an ugly face, Connor.”
“You think I’m pretty, Red?” he said in a whiny, annoying voice.
“No. You’re hideous. Your nose is crooked, your lips aren’t full, and your eyes are too far apart—but we can fix all of that in editing. I just need you to get a somewhat decent shot so I don’t lose my job. Now here, take the coffee
