Everything about Emily belonged in that environment. From the way she spoke to the clothes she wore, she might as well have been a poster girl for the Ivy League. Her parents were doctors from Connecticut so it was no wonder. She was quick to correct my various faux pas and step in when it was obvious that I was out of my element.
Four years later, I’m finally established enough to have caught up on my own.
“Maybe we could grab a drink after—”
“Listen, Jesse, I should probably tell you—”
We both started and stopped talking at exactly the same time.
Emily’s brow is lifted with anxiety.
Mine is furrowed in confusion.
“I was going to suggest drinks after work, but you go first,” I say warily.
She nods, giving me a sympathetic smile, but for some reason remains silent a moment.
As it lingers, I begin to realize there’s some internal conflict in her head that has her too preoccupied to talk. I cough out a noise and give her a meaningful look.
“Or not?” I hint.
Emily laughs softly and shakes her head as though snapping out of hypnosis. “I’m sorry, it’s just…you. You’re not what I expected.”
That one throws me. I try to study her face to see if that’s a good or a bad thing.
She smiles as though reading my mind.
“I thought by now you’d lose the glasses, but you seriously make them work. Seeing you in your office, you look so damn competent, Jesse. I mean, I always knew you were brilliant but I guess I never knew how it would translate outside of law school. You in that suit…” She allows her eyes to wander down the part of me visible above the desk. “It suits you.”
She laughs at the double phrasing and shifts her gaze to the window behind me.
I like where this is going.
So why the hesitation?
“I thought seeing you would help me realize I was over you but…if anything it makes me think I should have tried harder—we should have tried harder.”
Even more promising.
“We both knew it would be difficult. Long-distance relationships rarely work out,” I say judiciously. No need to sound too eager.
“Yeah,” she says, her eyes falling to the pink feather on my desk.
Despite my irritation with it just a moment ago, for once I’m pleased with Honey’s tendency to leave pink feathers as she flits through life.
“I’m seeing someone, Jesse.”
My eyes flash up from the feather to Emily. I find hers on me, filled with something I can’t quite read. But her words aren’t ambiguous at all.
“He followed me up here and…we live together.”
I fall back in my chair and stare at her, letting that news sink in. It hits hard, mostly because I’d been building this up in my head since I learned she was moving to New York.
“I just didn’t want to lead you on,” she quickly continues. “I shouldn’t have said all the things I did a moment ago, it was stupid—inappropriate.”
I recover quickly, shaking my head dismissively. “No, it was stupid of me to assume you wouldn’t be with someone after so long. If you’re living together it must be serious. Congratulations.”
To my surprise, she coughs out a sardonic laugh, then quickly looks away in embarrassment.
“Am I missing something?”
She shakes her head. “No, you haven’t missed a thing. But…” she considers me for a moment. “Do you ever think about what it would be like if we’d tried?”
Now, I have no idea what to think.
Where is she going with all of this?
“In the beginning, yes,” I say, just to play along. “But it doesn’t matter now.”
Emily blinks at the bluntness of that statement, but quickly recovers with a nervous laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like Tyler. He works from home, making pretty good money, which is convenient. Especially if I’m going to be working at ABC and we have kids.”
That one stings, and I have a sneaking suspicion she’s not oblivious of that fact.
My parents are far stricter Catholics than I am so I have four brothers and three sisters.
I’ve always known I wanted a big family myself.
In law school, discussions between Emily and I focused mostly on class rank, summer clerkships, making law review, and eventually landing a good job.
The one time the subject of marriage and kids came up, she made it clear that she preferred one, but would grudgingly have two, which was a disappointment.
Now Emily has someone to have those kids with and I don’t.
“I’m sorry. Again, I shouldn’t even have brought up what I did about us trying to make it work. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Who kew we’d end up working at the same firm?” She laughs, but I hear an anxious trill interlaced in it. Her eyes land on me. “Honestly, I would have thought you’d at least be engaged by now.”
Her eyes fall to the pink feather again and I note a slight twist of displeasure on her lips. She smoothes it over like a champ, her eyes coming back up to me with a smile in them.
“But here we are together again.”
I don’t bite.
But I do take note.
Whoever this Tyler is, she isn’t one hundred percent sold on him.
Which means maybe I’m not as shit out of luck as I think. My eyes fall to her left hand—no ring.
Emily Becksworth is still fair game.
“Anyway, I should get going,” Emily says, all business again. She pauses to give me one last smile. “We should definitely catch up, Jesse.”
“We should,” I say, neutrally.
Inside, I feel that bubbling surge of adrenaline hit me as it always does when faced with a challenge or obstacle to overcome. It’s invigorating. I haven’t felt much of one since I joined ABC.
A flicker of a thought hits me as to whether it’s the challenge or the woman that has me pumped with energy.
I quickly dismiss it.
Does it matter?
When Emily is gone, my eyes fall to the tiny pink feather left on my desk. The fact that it lasted on my collar as long as it did—it’s midday
