I just like his things a lot, so I take them to borrow but only for a little while. Most of the time, he doesn’t notice because he has so many things. It’s only when he does notice that he gets so mean and scary.
I’m happy he didn’t come with Mommy and me on this trip, even though I know I’m not supposed to feel that way. He’s just always so angry now. He didn’t used to hit me, only Mommy, but I didn’t like that either.
Then, there was what he did to that man. That was much worse. That one had blood. I’m glad I hid when Daddy and the man walked in to his office. He always told me that his office was OFF LIMITS. But that’s where the globe and the big book of maps were and I was only going to borrow the book for a while to look at the interesting pictures and places.
At first, I just listened to them. Even though he can be scary, I like watching Daddy when he’s with other grown-ups wearing suits. One day I’m going to be big and important like him, ordering people around and smoking cigars and drinking the brown water in that crystal bottle by his desk. I tried a sip one time when he wasn’t there. It smelled funny and hurt when I swallowed, but Daddy is always drinking it. Maybe you have to be a grown-up to like it.
This time in his office with another grown-up was different. For one thing, Daddy sounded scared, and he’s never scared. I didn’t understand why, especially since he was so much bigger than the man with him. Except the other man sounded a little bit scared too, scared but angry.
Then came the blood.
I frown and try to forget that part once again. When I told Mommy about it the next day, she looked even more scared than Daddy or the man were. She told me I should never tell anyone, especially Daddy, what I’d seen.
At first, I was confused when Mommy woke me up last night and told me we were going on our own special trip. Then she told me it was a game and I was supposed to be quiet as long as possible while we left our big apartment in New York. Daddy has a lot of homes, so at first I thought we were going to one of them. Mommy and I got on a plane and then a car and a boat and now, we’re here on an island. I’m not sure where “here” is, but I have learned that the women dressed in long black robes are “monjas,” which Mommy told me means “nuns.”
I wish I was back in school where there are other kids to play with. I was worried when Mommy said I had to go to “Kindergarten” this year, but it was fun, even with the cast on my arm a few months ago. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone how I got it, but she said I could let the other kids and adults color and write their names on it if I wanted. Next year I’ll start big-kid school. I hope it’s just as much fun.
My eye catches the mountain beyond the long grassy area where Mommy and the nun are sitting. I want to ask if I can go play there but something tells me Mommy will say no. She and her cousin are talking and it looks important, but they aren’t paying attention to me, which is good.
I run over before they notice and begin to climb and climb. The rocks are more jagged than I thought, but it’s still more fun than chasing birds. I don’t know how long I’ve been climbing, but now I’m really, really high up. Then, I see an opening. It’s small enough for Mommy to catch me if she crawls through but not “Sister Ana” who has been especially mean to me and has a really big butt.
I giggle as I crawl through the opening, imagining Sister Ana getting stuck like Winnie the Pooh when he ate too much honey. I’m so focused on that picture in my head that I don’t notice how far I am into the hole. It’s really dark and suddenly I’m scared.
How long have I been crawling?
But there’s dim light ahead, which means maybe there’s an opening on that side too. Curiosity wins over my fear and I keep going.
* * *
“I’m so sorry, Eric, but your mother has gone to heaven.”
I stare at Sister Clara in confusion. At least she is speaking in English now, so that is not the problem. I just don’t understand what those words are telling me.
Mommy went to New York a few days ago and left me here. At first, I didn’t mind. It meant I could go to the place beyond the hole in the rocks, now that she wasn’t here to watch me. But now, all the monjas have been especially strict about me staying in the convento.
Mommy said she would be back soon. So why is she in heaven?
“She’s not coming back?”
“No, Eric, she isn’t.”
I nod, still not fully understanding.
“So, is Daddy coming to get me?”
Sister Clara turns to Mother Agnes at the desk across from us, who seems upset about something. After a moment, she sighs and nods her head at Sister Clara.
They both do that thing with her hands, tapping their foreheads, then their stomachs, and then different parts of their chests. Sister Clara mumbles something about “father,” asking him for forgiveness.
I don’t know why she would ask Daddy for forgiveness. Maybe she’s scared of him, just like Mommy always was. I wonder what Sister Clara did to upset Daddy. Now, I’m worried for her. She’s been very nice to me and I don’t want Daddy to hurt her like he did that man. Before I can
