But he was eight. His empathy bank was like an underdeveloped, featherless bird.
He only cared how his teenage cousin told him roller-skating was for girls.
I wish I’d known that nugget of bullshit before our season was over so I could have made arrangements to squash that notion right out of Noah’s head. He’d be surprised what girls did on roller skates.
So would his butthead of a cousin.
Boys could be such little pricks.
The cousin I mean—technically the jury was still out on Leo and Noah—plus, I sort of adored them even though they weren’t living their finest moment.
Well, I had no intentions of going anywhere. Between me and the rest of my team who all volunteered with the Crossroads Youth Center, we’d make sure they didn’t become delinquent burdens on society.
No way would I let his cousin win. Not even today when he’d gone and pissed on what was supposed to be a pretty damn awesome day.
Finally, an activity where I could share more of myself. Not derby me, but the fun memories I had before my mom died. My mother loved skating and I couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t have me on skates right alongside her.
This was one of those moments I had to remind myself I was an adult because I was not feeling very adult when it came to Noah’s cousin.
Nope, I felt my full-on inner thug coming out. And it wouldn’t be a fair fight. Not when I’m derby and he’s a sixteen-year-old twerp. A twerp who kept hovering near the youth center with stolen cigarettes he’d offer to little kids when he thought no one was looking.
If it weren’t an assault charge, I’d have him on his ass before he could suck in a breath.
Thanks to his shitty influence, I had a decision to make. Do battle with Leo and Noah and possibly eat into Ellie, Addison, and Rylee’s time on the rink, or let it go and let Wes sit with them while they sulked.
One thing was for sure, Noah and Leo had two choices, skate or sit. Laser tag in every way, shape, or form was off the table.
I didn’t even want to hear the words slip from their lips.
Oh, and those video games along the wall? Also off the table.
I really hated that they made me have to be a hard-ass here. This wasn’t just their playtime; in a way it was mine too. My time with them not only filled their well, but it filled mine.
And maybe, just maybe I filled up a few of the lonely places from my own childhood.
I held the door while five sets of booted feet stomped over the threshold.
Ellie and Addison practically bounced with excitement. Leo and Noah moped, and Rylee, well, her previous excitement seemed to have fled, leaving her with big round eyes and pale cheeks. The girl looked scared enough to poop.
I had my work cut out for me.
Maybe next time they could all agree on a shared mood. Too much to ask?
Probably.
Jackson came around the corner and skidded to a stop, his hand stilling on the towel he rubbed along the edges of his sweaty hair. “Hey Maze, I didn’t expect you again this week.”
“Last-minute decision. Marty had an appointment. Who needs a day off anyway?”
I did, but there was no way I was going to admit that and take the risk of the kids feeling bad.
Even if I was disappointed in two of them at the moment.
Plus, those childhood nuggets I pilfered vicariously through my little borrowed brood called my name. I’m pretty sure I needed them as much as they needed me.
I didn’t know all the details of their lives, but kids didn’t spend time at the youth center without damn good reason. Some had parents working two jobs to make ends meet and no one at home after school; some were foster kids, and some of them were like me. They lived in a group home devoid of hugs, love, and individual attention.
At least I’d had years of hugs before I ended up there. The queen of a good snuggle, my mom never let a day go by without letting me know how loved and wanted I was.
When I ended up at Bay Wilderness group home, I’d been older and a few years wiser than my little crew. I’d been lucky.
Well, other than having to deal with Tilly.
Or what Tilly had become after she doused our bond with lighter fluid and tossed a match on it.
Someone has to feel bad for her. After all, what does it say when your own mother has to go and die to get away from you?
I’d never know if she knew I stood behind her when she said those words. It didn’t matter. The fact that she could say it made her a merciless bitch. One I hadn’t seen clearly until that moment.
Crossroads eventually gave me an escape from her torment.
Tilly went too, but the dynamics changed inside the walls of the youth center. The adults paid close attention. All it took was one of them overhearing the poison dripping from Tilly’s tongue one time. From that moment on they kept us separated.
For those few hours a week, they protected me.
Pretty much the only peace I knew until I moved out of Bay Wilderness and left Tilly’s misery behind.
What if I were the one standing between these little humans and torment and I just didn’t know it?
I looked down at Rylee’s pale worried face dusted with freckles. Cupping her soft pointed chin, I smiled until my silent reassurance wiped away some of the fear lingering in her eyes.
These guys were too damn young to be feeling all of that uncertainty and hurt. The thought of them lying in their beds at night, sad, maybe hungry, or worse…scared—I knew that gnawing feeling in the gut. I knew it intimately. The uncertainty of tomorrow, and the next day, and the next after that.
What it
