But also the only parent he had left.
Why wouldn’t he see me as a traitor in that moment?
And being my vocally passionate half, what would he call me now if he were standing right here to catch me hiding out?
She was doing it. Every day she was living for us and I was hiding.
She loved me so damn much she’d give me whatever space I needed to do it.
I blinked, my eyes hazed over with unshed tears, but not enough to miss the flash of something familiar in the background. I backed up the video and caught sight of it again, hitting pause, the image frozen before me.
Right there.
Skates.
Tiny black skates with red flames on the side almost exactly like mine.
I didn’t have to wonder who got them for him. They had Mayhem written all over them.
Home.
I want to go home.
31
Patti pulled me in for a hug the minute I stepped into Banked Track late afternoon to avoid the evening rush. “Have you heard from him?”
A couple of guys sat at a table in the back, but other than that, the bar was empty. I usually loved these moments where it was pretty much just us and daydreaming as I stared at her derby days hanging on the brick behind her.
But today—today was one of those days like when you got home from school and basked in the relief from the gnawing feeling in the pit of your belly after you overheard the popular girls talking about you right before lunch, so you sat away from everyone and the rest of the day you counted the minutes until you could escape and pretend it wouldn’t all happen again tomorrow.
“No,” I said as I hopped up on a stool—the flaming asshole’s stool—and watched her work behind the bar.
“He is getting entirely too old for this nonsense,” Patti said as she poured cranberry juice over ice and kicked in a splash of pineapple juice on top just like she used to when I was too young to drink, but old enough to know I wanted to sit in this bar and soak up her wisdom.
“He is kinda old,” I said.
Patti gave me a warning look as she slid the glass to me complete with a quarter slice of pineapple on top with a sword toothpick sticking out of it. “Easy girl, if he’s old, what am I?”
“Stop that, you’re going to live forever.”
“I don’t know if I want that, but he better if he’s gonna keep on wasting time like this. That boy is in for some lessons in etiquette the minute he steps foot in this town again. No more Brussels sprouts paninis for him either…not until he earns them,” Patti said as she rubbed the flat of her palm into her chest.
I froze with the pineapple halfway to my mouth. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said, waving me off. “Just indigestion. Getting old is not sexy. I do not recommend it at all.”
“I went to see Lilith and the baby the other day.” She’d named him after Cain and I still couldn’t bring myself to say the poor kid’s name out loud. I held him, he puked on me, I even gave him his first pair of skates, and I still couldn’t say his name. “She said he called once to check on him, but other than that he’s been silent.”
And he didn’t ask about me when he called.
That hurt.
Really hurt.
If he showed back up in town now, I didn’t know if I’d kiss him or kick him in the balls.
Maybe have Lana run over him with the very motorized chair he bought.
Flaming asshole.
“Honey, I normally wouldn’t do this because we should not have to do the chasing. We have to have the babies, we have the periods, we have the careers that earn seventy whatever cents on the dollar compared to a man so again, we shouldn’t have to be doing the chasing,” she said, slashing a hand through the air. “But go get that boy and bring him home. He’s your family, right? Well, he’s gone astray and maybe he just needs someone to show him the way home.” She pointed a finger at me, the towel swinging from her fingers as she did. “But for the third and final time, we shouldn’t have to do the chasing.”
I propped my chin on my hands. “If he’s having such a damn hard time finding home, he can damn well get a map.”
Patti threw her head back and laughed, her palm grinding against her chest again.
Her skin took on a gray pallor right before my eyes as her laugh came to an abrupt halt, her usually pink cheeks with barely a faint splash of color.
“Patti?” I slid off my stool. “Patti, are you okay?”
She clutched the counter, her knees buckling, the towel sliding from her fingers as she hunched over. “You know what, honey, I’m not,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “Hurts.”
I slid around the counter and managed to get behind her as her legs gave out and she crumpled to the floor in my arms. “Call 9-1-1!”
Please not now. No dammit. No!
“Patti, can you hear me? Stay with me. Help is coming.” I squeezed her hand and checked her pulse, afraid to take my fingers away once I found it. “Don’t you die on me, dammit. You’re my family too; you are not allowed to tell me to chase him down and check out on me a few minutes later. Do you hear me? Do you?” I demanded with a quick shake.
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the rise and fall of her chest as I continued to count and talk to her. Promising her I would do the chasing, but just this once if she’d just hold on.
And if he came back for me, I wouldn’t have Lana run him over; I wouldn’t
