But none of that stops me from wanting him. I’m either a fool, or I’m…in love.
And love is an option I’m not willing to entertain. So, a fool it is, then.
32 Eli
I tug my tie left to right and grunt. I can’t get this stupid thing to settle properly. My frustration is growing by the second.
The girls have been gone for awhile now. They left for the Kingston guesthouse to get ready for my parents’ black-tie wedding anniversary party. According to the watch on my wrist, I’m already running five minutes late. I know I’m gonna get an earful from my family about it.
I undo the tie and start over. This thing used to be second nature to me but today, not so much. I’m tempted to just ditch it completely but Ma would probably nag me endlessly if I showed up at dinner without it.
On a grunt, I take a break from the tie and allow my gaze to sweep over the reflection staring back at me. In the mirror on the living room wall, I catch a glimpse of the man I used to be.
I’m wearing a dress shirt and suit jacket. My hair is combed. I run a hand down my fresh-shaven jaw. I think I like it. I think I’d like to be that guy again. A guy who has his shit together. A guy who has his life in order. A guy who knows what he brings to the table.
But I’m not sure how to get back there.
It was on this night, three years ago that I got arrested. I was standing in this very spot in the living room, tie hanging loose around my neck, arguing with my wife when that fateful knock sounded at the door. When law enforcement stormed into my house and turned my life upside down. So, excuse me if I’m a little anxious about tonight.
I’m taking one last shot at the tie when the front door bursts open. My heart surges into my throat. I get flashbacks of police cruisers swarming my front yard.
Jessa steps into the room, distractedly digging around inside her purse. I suck in a calming breath. When she lifts her gaze and our eyes meet, she freezes.
Her focus slowly moves down my body before sliding back to my face. Cheeks pinked up, she smiles that shy smile at me. Like she enjoys this version of me even more than I do.
In an instant, my neck is sweaty, my cock is tingling, there's a stampede of adrenaline in my blood.
“Hi…” she says softly. She takes a few tentative steps forward.
“Hi.” My eyes sweep her. Well, damn. She looks amazing in the dress she’s wearing. It’s Tinkerbell-green with ruffles all over it. Short, flowy, dangerous to my health. All I know is I want to see it in a pile on the floor as I get my paws all over her.
The sound of her voice brings my attention back to her face. “I think I forgot Callie’s earrings,” she’s saying to me. “I just came back to grab them.”
Yet she doesn’t make a move to go find them.
We stand there in the middle of the living room, checking each other out.
“You’re fucking gorgeous, Jessa.” The compliment rolls out of me in a coarse tone, almost sounding like a threat. I ball up my fists to keep from touching her.
She takes a step closer and all the warning bells in my head shout at me to take a step back but I hold my ground.
“Thank you.” She smiles that innocent, goodnatured smile. “You look so good in a suit. It always takes me off guard."
When my gaze latches onto hers, she bites her lip shyly. Like she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Her tone may be neutral but I take note of the pool of fire in her eyes.
She quickly blinks away from my face, gesturing to where my hands are tangled up in the mess of silky fabric hanging around my neck. “You need help with your tie?”
I clear my throat and try not to come out of my skin. “Um…yeah. I’d like that.” I’d like it a whole lot.
Jessa steps closer. The sweet scent of her makes me dizzy with lust. I want to dip my head and take her rosy lips in a hot, dirty kiss. But her makeup is done up and I’m sure it took forever to get her hair into that river of perfect, glossy waves and I’d be an asshole to undo all that hard work with my probing hands. So, I stand there, throbbing in my skin as she reaches for my tie. With her small hands, she slowly twists and knots the silky fabric so it falls just right.
When she’s done, she rests her palms on my chest and smooths down my jacket. She takes a step back to explore me with her eyes.
And in this moment, I think I finally understand that old saying about trying to put out a fire with gasoline. It’s pointless. Resisting this feeling is pointless.
I approach her, ready to just say ‘fuck it’ and take her in my arms. “Jessa, I think you should know—”
The click-click-click of tiny feet running up the front steps snaps my attention toward the doorway.
Jessa and I jump apart like we’re dodging a flying grenade. I spin to face my daughter as she barrels through the front door.
She stops in her tracks. Her blue eyes go wide as they bounce between her nanny and me. The girl may be five but I swear, she knows exactly what she just walked in on.
I decide to take control of the conversation before she starts asking questions I’m not equipped to answer. I drop down to the floor, kneeling in front of her. “Hey now. Who is this gorgeous young lady barging into my house?”
The diversion succeeds. Callie’s focus settles on
