CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I wasn’t sure what woke me but when I opened my eyes, the sun hadn’t risen yet. The sky was already lightening in the distance and provided enough light to make out my surroundings, but that was it. Dante was pressed up against my back, his face half-buried in my shoulder, his breath warm against my skin. It was uncomfortably warm but I didn’t move away. This was the first time I woke with Dante still in bed, and he was actually holding me in his arms. Maybe his subconscious had accepted what he couldn’t: that he wanted to be close to me.
I kept my breathing even, tried to appear asleep, so I wouldn’t wake him. I must have dozed off again because I startled awake when Dante shifted away from me. I listened carefully, but he wasn’t getting out of bed. He’d rolled away from me in sleep if his rhythmic breathing was any indication. I slowly turned on my other side, so I could see him. He lay on his back, an arm thrown up over his face. The sheets were pushed down to the delicious V of his hips. I propped myself up on one arm, careful not to make any sound. My fingers itched to stroke his blond hair back, to tickle the ridges of his taut stomach, to follow the trail of fine hair down to his erection.
I reached out hesitantly and lightly brushed my fingers over his hair. Dante’s hand shot out lightning fast, grabbing my wrist in a crushing grip. At the same time he sat up and his eyes met mine. I pressed my lips together. He released my wrist in a jerk. I rubbed it, lowering my eyes to the bruises already forming. Dante touched my naked waist, his hand warm and light on my skin. “Did I hurt you?” There was real concern in his voice.
I peered up, surprised. “It’s okay. I startled you.”
He grasped my hand and inspected the marks his tight grip had left on my wrist. His thumb brushed over my skin in a featherlight touch. “I’m not used to waking up beside someone anymore.”
It was the most personal thing he’d ever shared with me. I had to stop myself from digging deeper, from wanting more. “I know. It’s okay. You’ll get used to it.”
He lifted his gaze, but his fingers kept up their light stroking on my wrist. “Did you and Antonio share a bed?”
“In the beginning, yes. It was for appearance’s sake mostly. We still had a maid then and we didn’t want her to get suspicious. At first it was like having a sleepover with a friend, but eventually it got awkward, especially when he came home smelling like his lover, so he fired the maid and we started sleeping in separate rooms.”
His eyes lingered on my exposed breasts. “I can’t imagine a man looking at you and not wanting to have you for himself.”
I flushed with happiness, but I decided to keep the mood light, worried a more emotional response would make Dante retreat again. “I think Antonio would have said the same about you. I think you might have been his type.”
Dante laughed and his entire face transformed. “That’s not something I want to think about.”
I smiled. “I imagine you don’t.” I paused, curious. “What would you do if one of your men came to you and admitted that he was gay?”
“I would tell him to keep his disposition a secret and to fight it.”
“It’s not like people choose to be gay. They are gay or they aren’t. You’d force your men to live a lie.”
“They can live a lie, or they will have to live with the consequences.”
“You would kill someone for who they love.”
“Society may have come a long way but the mafia is built on traditions, Valentina. If I declared I’d accept Made Men to be gay, all hell would break loose in the Outfit. That would be one change I wouldn’t be able to push through. I wouldn’t kill someone for confiding in me, as long as they kept it a secret. I don’t doubt that there are soldiers in the Outfit who are attracted to men but who’ve learned to restrain themselves. They are probably married and live a lie, but as long as they do, they are safe.”
We were still sitting close together, actually talking in bright daylight. I reached for Dante’s chest, lightly brushing my fingertips over a long scar there. Dante gripped my wrist, gently this time, and pulled my hand away. He slid his legs out of bed and stood. I watched as he headed for the bathroom, completely naked, and yet encased by hundreds of invisible layers I could never penetrate.
I dropped my hand in my lap. With a sigh, I got out of bed as well. There was no sense in lying back down alone. I had a busy day. My first day in the casino without Dante. I was anxious and excited at the same time. After a quick shower, I took a ridiculously long time trying on different outfits. I didn’t want to look too sexy, but I also didn’t want to hide my femininity. I knew those men, especially Raffaele, didn’t like that a woman was now working with them—and worse, was their boss—and I had no intention of making this easier for them. They had to learn to deal with strong women, and if they couldn’t, that was their problem. I chose a knee-length dark-blue pencil skirt, matching sling-back heels and a white blouse with a
