“We’ve been looking for you for almost an hour,” Romero said quietly, worriedly, but all I could focus on was how close his lips were and how good he smelled. “Your father will be glad to know you’re safe.”
My father. Anger surged up in me at how he’d acted in the last few months. I was so tired of being angry, of not knowing where to go with my anger. I stepped onto my toes, closed my eyes and pressed my lips against Romero’s. This was the third time I did this. It seemed I never learned, but I wasn’t even scared of being rejected anymore. I was so numb inside, there was no way anything could hurt me again.
Romero’s hands came up to my shoulders as if he was going to shove me away, but then he merely rested them there, warm and strong. He didn’t try to deepen the kiss but our lips moved against each other. There was only the barest touch and even that was over too quickly. Something trailed down my cheeks and caught on my lips. I’d never imagined my first real kiss would taste of tears. I sank back down onto my heels and my eyes fluttered open. I was too drained, too sad, too angry, to be embarrassed about my actions.
Romero searched my face, his dark brows drawn together. “Lily,” he began, but then I started crying for real, fat tears rolling down my cheeks. I buried my face against Romero’s chest. He cupped the back of my head and let me sob. In the safety of Romero’s arms I dared to give my sadness room, didn’t fear it would swallow me whole. I knew Romero wouldn’t let it. Maybe it was a ridiculous notion but I believed Romero would keep me safe from everything. I’d tried to forget him, had tried to move on, find someone new to focus my crush on but they all fell short.
“We should return. Your father will be worried sick by now.”
“He isn’t worried about me. He’s only worried about how I make him look bad,” I said quietly, pulling back. I wiped my cheeks. Romero brushed a strand away that stuck to my wet skin. We still stood close but now that I had a better grip on my emotions I stepped back, ashamed by the way I’d thrown myself at Romero. Again. I was glad I couldn’t read his mind. I didn’t want to know what he thought of me now.
Romero’s phone rang and after an apologetic smile at me, he picked up. “Yes, I have her. We’ll be there in a moment.”
I stared off toward an elderly man who stood before a grave. His lips were moving and he was leaning heavily on a walking stick. I had a feeling he was talking to his deceased wife, telling her how his days had been, how much he wanted to be reunited with her again. That would never be my father. He seemed to have gotten over Mother’s death already.
Romero touched my shoulder lightly and I almost flew back into his arms, but this time I was strong. “Are you ready to head back?”
Ready? No. I didn’t want to see Father or the fake mourning. I didn’t want to hear one more word of pity. “Yes.”
Neither of us mentioned the kiss as we walked back toward my mother’s grave. Romero had kissed me, or let me kiss him out of pity, that was the harsh truth of the situation. Luca and Aria were the only people waiting for us.
Aria rushed toward me and wrapped me into a tight hug. “Are you okay?”
I felt bad instantly. She too had lost our mother. She too was sad, and now she’d had to worry about me on top of everything. “Yes, I just needed a moment alone.”
Aria nodded with understanding. “Father and the other guests have moved on to the house for the funeral feast. We should head there too, or Father will get even angrier.”
I nodded. Aria shot Romero a look I had trouble deciphering. Then she led me toward the car, her arms tightly wrapped around my shoulders. Luca and Romero trailed behind. I didn’t look back at Mother’s grave again, knew it would have been too much for me.
“What was that look you gave Romero?” I asked quietly as we settled on the back seat.
Aria made an innocent face but I didn’t buy it. I knew her too well even if we weren’t as close as we used to be, due to the distance between us. She sighed. “I told him to stay away from you.”
“You did what?” I hissed. Luca glanced over his shoulder at us, and I lowered my voice even further. I hoped he hadn’t heard what I’d said. Romero seemed busy finding a good radio station.
“Why did you do that?” I asked in a bare whisper.
“Lily, I don’t want you to get hurt. You think Romero will make you feel happier and help with the sadness, but it’ll only make things worse. Maybe you think you’ve fallen for him but you shouldn’t mistake loneliness for something else.”
I stared at my sister incredulously. “I’m not an idiot. I know my own feelings.”
Aria took my hand. “Please don’t be mad, Lily. I only want to protect you.”
Everyone always said they wanted to protect me. I wondered from what. Life?
* * *
Two days later, Aria, Gianna, Matteo, Romero, and Luca left for New York. I wasn’t sure when I’d see them again. Aria had asked Father if I could visit them for a couple of weeks in the summer but he’d refused with a not so veiled look in Gianna’s direction. I’d put on a brave face, told them I’d be busy spending time with my friends and taking care
