But I also knew that I needed to establish certain boundaries. Flirting and kissing was still tolerable, though I was fairly sure that Luca and Aria, and most definitely Scuderi, would disagree. Taking things further was something I couldn’t risk. I’d given Luca a promise and I should at least try to keep it.
CHAPTER NINE
Liliana
That night I crept into Romero’s bedroom again. The lights were out but he was sitting with his back against his headboard. He didn’t say anything as I approached the bed and suddenly I was nervous.
“Hey,” I whispered, then yawned because it had been a long day and as usual sleep evaded me. “Can I come into your bed?”
Romero lifted his blankets. I quickly slipped under them but didn’t snuggle against him, suddenly shy. Romero peered down at me, then he reached out and brushed a few strands from my forehead. I braced myself on my elbows to kiss him, but he shook his head. I froze.
“I don’t think we should be kissing when we’re in bed together.”
“You don’t want to kiss me anymore?” Was I that horrible?
“No, I still want to kiss you and I’m going to kiss you but not when we’re in bed. There are certain boundaries we shouldn’t cross, Lily.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. Maybe he was right. Kissing in bed was only a small step away from doing much more, and some things simply couldn’t be undone. “But can we snuggle?”
Romero chuckled. “I should probably say no,” he murmured. “But I’m screwed anyway.”
He lay down and opened his arms. I inched toward him and put my head down on his upper arm. I wasn’t sure why I felt so comfortable in his presence. I wasn’t someone who liked physical contact with people I didn’t know, but with Romero I’d always wanted closeness.
I closed my eyes but I didn’t fall asleep immediately. “Have you ever regretted working for Luca? As the son of a soldier, you would have had the option not to become part of the Famiglia. You could have lived a normal life.”
“No. This was all I ever wanted,” Romero said. His fingers ran up and down my forearm in a very distracting way but I wasn’t sure if he even realized what he was doing. “I’ve known Luca and Matteo long before I was inducted. I always looked up to Luca because he was older and strong as a bear, and Matteo and I always got in trouble together.”
“I bet Matteo got in trouble and you had to save his ass.”
Romero let out a laugh. “Yeah, that’s more like it. When Luca became a Made Man and when I heard the story of how he killed his first man at eleven, I wanted nothing more than to be like him.”
“You were only eight then. Shouldn’t you have been playing with matchbox cars instead?”
“I always knew I wanted to become a member of the Famiglia. I wanted to be their best fighter. I often practiced with Matteo and in the beginning even with Luca. They wiped the ground with me. But I was a quick learner, and when I was inducted a few years later, only a handful could see eye to eye with me in a knife fight, and I got only better with time. I worked hard.”
I could tell he was proud of what he’d achieved. “What did your family want? Did they try to keep you away from the mob?”
“My father didn’t want his life for me. As a debt collector he had to do many horrible things. But he and my mother trusted me to decide for myself.”
How would it be to have people trust you to make your own decisions?
“This life, does it make you happy?” I asked softly. Sometimes I wished there was an easy definition for what made me happy.
“At times, but nobody can always be happy.” He was silent for a moment. “What makes you happy?”
“I don’t know. This, but I know it’s fleeting.”
Romero’s chest rose and fell under my cheek until I was sure he’d fallen asleep but then he spoke again. “Happiness often is. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it while it lasts.”
* * *
Deep down I knew I needed to stop this madness. If someone caught us, both our lives would be ruined. But I couldn’t. Whenever I was near Romero the sorrow that had rested so heavily on me in the last few weeks seemed bearable. Everything seemed lighter and more hopeful.
I eased the door open. As usual the lights were out but the curtains weren’t drawn so the moonlight illuminated the contours of the furniture and showed me my path toward the bed. I closed the door without a sound and tiptoed across the room. Romero wasn’t asleep. I could feel his eyes following me as I slipped under the covers. He lay on his back, his arms propped up behind his head. I couldn’t make out his expression. He waited for me to put my head on his chest so he could wrap his arm around me. He’d never made the first move but tonight I didn’t just want to fall asleep beside him. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted, but definitely more. I was glad for the dark when I got up on my knees and straddled his hips.
Romero tensed beneath me and sat up, his palms flat against my shoulder blades. “What are you doing?” he murmured, a quality to his voice I’d never heard before.
“I don’t know,” I whispered before I lightly brushed my lips over his. I wasn’t sure
