“Worried that I’d let someone have what’s yours.”
“No,” he said firmly. “I knew, I know you are loyal. Things with the Bratva are escalating. If they got their hands on you…” He shook his head.
“They didn’t.”
“They won’t.”
I shifted away from his hand that had moved on from my hair to my throat. I didn’t want his touch. He sighed. “You’re going to make this really difficult, aren’t you?”
I stared.
“I’m sorry for what you saw today.”
“But not sorry for what you did.”
He looked exasperated. “I rarely say I’m sorry. When I say it, I mean it.”
“Maybe you should say it more often.”
He took a deep breath. “There’s no way out of this marriage for you, nor for me. Do you really want to be miserable?”
He was right. There was no way out. And even if there was, what would be the point? My father would marry me off to the next man. Maybe a man like Bibiana’s husband. And no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I could imagine developing feelings for the Luca I saw in the restaurant. It wouldn’t have hurt so much seeing him with that woman, if I didn’t. When he’d touched my hair or kissed me or wrapped his arms around me during the night, I’d felt myself wanting to fall in love with him. I wished I could hate him with all my heart. If Gianna had been in my stead, she would rather have gone through life hating her husband and being miserable than ever giving him and our father the satisfaction of coming to care for him. “No,” I said. “But I can’t pretend I never saw you with her.”
“I don’t expect you to, but let’s just pretend our marriage begins today. A clean start.”
“It’s not that easy. What about her? Tonight wasn’t the first time you were with her. Do you love her?” My voice trembled as I said it.
Luca noticed, of course. He looked at me as if I was a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. “Love? No. I don’t have feelings for Grace.”
“Then why do you keep seeing her? The truth.”
“Because she knows how to suck a cock and because she’s a good fuck. Truthful enough?”
I flushed. Luca brushed a finger over my cheek. “I love how you blush whenever I say something dirty. I can’t wait to see your blush when I do something dirty to you.”
Why couldn’t he stop touching me? “If you really want to make this marriage work, if you ever want the chance to do something dirty to me, then you’ll have to stop seeing other women. Maybe other wives don’t care, but I won’t have you touching me as long as there is anyone else.”
Luca nodded. “I promise. I’ll touch only you from now on.”
I considered him. “Grace won’t like it.”
“Who gives a fuck what she thinks?”
“Won’t her father give you trouble?”
“We pay for his campaigns, and he has a son following in his footsteps who needs our money soon as well. What does he care about a daughter who isn’t good for anything but shopping and eventually marrying a rich man?”
The same could be said for me and every other woman in our world. Sons could follow in their father’s footsteps—they could become members of the mafia. I still remembered how much Father had celebrated when he’d found out his fourth child was finally a son.
“She probably hoped you’d be that man.”
“We don’t marry outsiders. Never. She knew that, and it wasn’t like she was the only woman I fucked.”
I gave him a look. “You said it yourself. You have your needs. So how can you tell me you won’t cheat on me again soon if you get tired of waiting for me to sleep with you?”
Luca tilted his head, eyes narrowed in thought. “Do you intend to make me wait long?”
“I think we have very different concepts of the words ‘long wait.’”
“I’m not a patient man. If long means a year…” He trailed off. I couldn’t believe him. I sent him a reproachful look.
“What do you want me to say, Aria? I kill and blackmail and torture people. I’m the Boss of men who do the same when I order them to, and soon I’ll be the Capo dei Capi, the leader of the most powerful crime organization on the East Coast, and probably the US. You thought I’d take you against your will on our wedding night, and now you’re angry because I don’t want to wait months to sleep with you?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m tired. It’s late.” It was so late it was actually early.
“No,” Luca said, touching my waist. “I want to understand. I’m your husband. You aren’t like other girls who can choose the man they’re going to lose it to. Are you scared I’m going to be rough with you because of what you saw today? I won’t be. I told you I want you to writhe beneath me in pleasure, and while that probably won’t happen the first time I take you, I’ll make you come as often as you want with my tongue and my fingers until you can come when I’m inside you. I don’t mind going slow, but what do you want to wait for?”
I watched him through half-lidded eyes. For something that will never happen: that you’ll want to make love to me and not take me like I’m your possession. Part of me didn’t want to settle for less; the other part knew I had to. Love is something girls hope for when they don’t know better, something women long for when they lie awake at night, and something they’ll only ever get from their children. Men don’t have time for such notions. That’s what my father always said. “I
