I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Reclining on his shoulder, I whispered, “Then why did you really sleep with all those blonde women? And don’t tell me it’s because you like blondes because you definitely didn’t like me with blonde hair.”
“I hated it,” Danilo said without hesitation, his fingers playing with a strand of my hair. “I love your hair color. It’s beautiful. When I saw you in blonde, it looked all wrong.”
“Because I looked like a bad replica of my sister,” I guessed.
Danilo gave me a strange look. “If that’s how you want to put it. You reminded me of your sister, yes.”
Maybe I’d hoped he’d deny it, but I was glad he was being honest with me. “But you didn’t want to be reminded because it hurt too much, and you wanted her back and I wasn’t her.”
Danilo cupped my face. “No, that’s not it. I hated being reminded of your sister when I looked at you because I hated your sister. Whatever I might have felt for her once—and it wasn’t love—had turned ugly and dark. I didn’t want to feel hatred every time I looked at you. I didn’t want to be reminded of your sister’s actions when I was with you. Having Serafina’s appearance thrown at me like that threw me completely.”
“But if it’s only hatred you felt and if you didn’t want to be reminded of her, why did you seek out blonde women?”
He grimaced. “I’m not proud of it. You remember how I was with you when you wore that blonde wig?”
I nodded, even if I’d tried to forget it.
“I was being a selfish asshole with those blonde girls, seeking them for angry sex. I didn’t treat them right, not like I wanted to treat you, and when I fucked them it was to release some of that anger. It was messed up. I’m fucking messed up, but in some way, it felt like I was paying your sister back.”
I tilted my head, trying to understand his reasoning. I didn’t really understand it. But my actions hadn’t always been logical, either. I still cringed when I thought of dyeing my hair blonde to look like Serafina, as if by changing my hair color I could become her, replace her.
“I guess we both had some issues to work through.”
“I caused your issues. But you didn’t have a hand in my messed-up state.”
“They weren’t only caused by you, Danilo,” I said firmly. “The situation was complicated. Mom, Dad, Samuel, and so many more people mourned Fina so strongly that it made me feel inadequate. I thought I’d take Fina’s place in their hearts, as if her disappearance would leave an open slot behind that I could fill in, but instead it created a black hole that consumed everything around it. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.”
Danilo took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “You were young, Sofia. If even we adults couldn’t handle the situation with grace, how were you supposed to do it?”
“I know that now, but back then I thought I was already old enough to handle everything.”
“But you weren’t. It was our job—my job—to protect you from everything and not bask in revenge.”
“It’s okay. All that matters is that I know you don’t have feelings for my sister.”
Danilo tipped his finger against my forehead. “Took your stubborn head long enough.”
I shrugged. “I guess we can both be stubborn at times.”
Danilo pulled me closer against him and my eyes began to droop as I watched the flames. I felt like I could really let the past rest now. I believed Danilo.
Once we were home, I’d call Fina. She wasn’t the problem, had probably never been. I missed her and wanted to talk to her.
Danilo kissed my neck, but his breathing evened out soon after.
Maybe I should have told him about my phone call with Fina and been completely honest, but I knew it wouldn’t do anything except make him furious.
The next morning as we headed back to Indianapolis, excitement filled me. I was looking forward to what lay ahead. Danilo held my hand throughout the entire drive. We had a dinner with Marco and Bria that evening, but I hoped to get the chance for a quick call with Fina before.
When we arrived at home, Danilo headed into his office for a few phone calls while I hurried outside toward the pond to watch the Koi. The staff had fed them. I settled on a nearby bench and called Fina’s number. She picked up after the third ring. “Sofia?”
“Fina,” I said quietly.
“Oh God, it’s really you. I’m so relieved. I was so worried about you when you didn’t answer my calls after your wedding.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I needed to figure out a few things, but now that I have, I’d like to phone you weekly, if you still want that.”
“Of course. But tell me, are you all right? How’s married life?”
She sounded so excited and concerned at once, full-blown older sister mode.
“Good. We spent a few days at the lake to relax. I really like living in Indianapolis.” We talked about more meaningless details, like yoga and my cooking course, avoiding topics that could be considered betrayal.
When I ended the call, even the last bit of weight had lifted off my shoulder. I strolled back inside. Danilo was still on the phone from the sound of it. A brief flicker of guilt filled me, knowing I kept a secret, but I pushed it aside.
I was close to dying from boredom and I could tell
