“I never raised my hand against Gaia, not then either. I would have never killed her. Whatever you decide, you don’t have to worry about your safety, Giulia. I won’t hurt you.”
I couldn’t breathe. Hearing Cassio tell the story of what happened in a raw, bitter voice had unsettled me deeply. This was so much worse than I expected. The idea of finding Cassio with another woman tore at me. How much worse must it have been for him? Finding his pregnant wife with her half-brother, a man he trusted, and finding out his children might not even be his. It was too horrific to contemplate. Even I wasn’t sure what I would have done in a situation like that. Probably not killed someone, but I wasn’t a man raised to survive in the mafia.
Cassio smiled grimly seeing my expression. “That’s the man you married, Giulia. I understand if you’re scared of me now. I won’t stop you from moving into another bedroom, but you’ll certainly understand that we’ll have to stay married for Simona and Daniele. They can’t lose you too.”
I pushed to my feet, crawled on Cassio’s lap, and wrapped my arms around him even as he stiffened. I kissed him hard. God, this was horrible. Everything. It wasn’t okay that Cassio had killed a man in a jealous rage, but he was a killer, and he, like all the men in our world, had killed for less. Part of me understood.
Confusion mingled with hesitant hope in Cassio’s eyes. “What… what are you doing?”
I pressed my face against his throat. He wrapped an arm around me lightly. “Giulia? Say something.”
“I’m not scared of you.” I wasn’t. Maybe I should have been, but I’d always known Cassio was capable of brutality for something as trivial as power and money. That he killed because someone hurt him, it only showed he wasn’t an emotionless killer.
Cassio slipped a finger under my chin and nudged my face up. “You heard what I said.”
“I did. You protected Daniele and Simona. You kept Gaia alive despite what she did. I know it isn’t something many men would have done. It’s more than I expected, knowing the stories about you.”
Cassio’s mouth twisted cynically. “I suppose it’s good that your impression of me was already bad to begin with.”
I rolled my eyes, hoping to lighten the mood.
Cassio cupped my cheek. “Only you make me feel better by insulting me with a simple look.”
I gripped his shoulders, bringing our faces closer. “You wanted to let the past rest, and I want to help you. Stop thinking I’m going to do what Gaia did. I’m not her, and I definitely won’t end up in bed with my brother. Even thinking about it makes me sick. And I won’t cheat on you with anyone else either. I desire you, and I’m loyal. Can you get it through your thick skull?”
Cassio pointed at his chest. “In here, I know you aren’t Gaia.” He pointed at his head. “Up here’s the problem. I’m not a very trusting man, never have been. Now less than ever. But I’m trying.” He cupped my head and molded our mouths together before murmuring, “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. Not if you keep working on your trust issues, if you keep fighting for us, because I sure as hell am ready to go into war for this marriage and our children.”
Cassio moved back slowly. “What did you say?”
I pursed my lips. “That I’m ready to fight for us.”
“No,” he said gruffly. “You said our children.”
I flushed. Not only had I almost declared my feelings for Cassio, I’d also let it slip that I wanted Simona and Daniele to be ours, not just his. I’d known them for only a month, but I’d be at their side for many years. Hopefully one day they’d be mine in theirs and everyone else’s opinion. “I know they are yours… not mine, not really, but it kind of hurts if you say they are your children as if I don’t care for them—” Cassio jerked me toward him, kissing me fiercely. I clung to him, almost breathless when he finally pulled away.
“I don’t deserve you, Giulia, but my kids… our kids do.”
“I really, really care about them. Even if you never want to have another child, I’ll be okay because I’m going to raise them as if they were my own.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “It’s what I’d do too.”
I searched his eyes. “Have you ever had a paternity test done?” I was fairly sure I knew the answer.
“No,” Cassio said.
That one word encompassed so much emotion. Love for Simona and Daniele, the determination to take care of them, but also the fear. “So you don’t know if Daniele and Simona are yours?”
“No. Simona and Daniele look like their mother… like…”
Like Gaia’s half-brother. “But their hair color is similar to your sister’s’.”
“It is,” he agreed, but doubt rang in his voice and I understood why. Now that I really thought about it, I had to admit that neither Simona nor Daniele shared any resemblance with their father. My heart hurt thinking of the possibility.
I swallowed. “Why?”
“Because I love them and I’m fucking scared the test results might change that. Especially Daniele… I can’t bear the thought that I might resent him for looking like Andrea.” His voice shook.
“You really think you’d love Daniele less if he wasn’t yours?”
“I don’t know,” Cassio admitted in a raw voice. “I don’t fucking know, which is why I won’t risk it. I’d rather not know the truth, rather live a lie than hurt Daniele or Simona in any way.”
I cupped his cheeks. “They are your children, Cassio.”
“You can’t know—”
“They are. Because you love them, because you raise them, and because they love you as their father. That’s what matters.”
“Yeah,”
