“She told you to propose to Elizabeth?” He still wasn’t explaining any of the mysteries, and that bothered Avery. Didn’t he trust her after all this time?
Walker shook his head. “It was Elizabeth’s idea. She just… said it one day when we were all sitting around at Sue’s house and Netta was feeling bad. She announced we were engaged. Said we were going to buy a ring when we could. That we hadn’t said anything because we wanted to graduate and go to college first. That was a priority to Netta and Sue, so she knew they wouldn’t question it. You could have knocked me over with a feather.” He spread his hands as if to encompass the surprise he’d felt back then. “I knew immediately what she was doing, though. She wanted to make Netta happy, and why not? Netta wasn’t going to be alive by the time we made it through college. She barely made it to our high school graduation. Once she was gone, it would be over and done with. Just words.”
“What happened?”
“Sue kept saying them—then and even after Netta was gone. Told everyone we were engaged. Said we’d marry as soon as we graduated from college. Said how happy Netta would be in heaven to see it. Went on and on and on. The whole reservation knew about it and was waiting for the date to be set.”
“Oh, Walker.” Sue had played the one card they couldn’t beat: trying to force a marriage she must have known on some level wasn’t going to happen.
“I got the hell out of there. So did Elizabeth. We went to different colleges. Never talked to each other. She never even came home during that time—told Sue she was too busy. Then she signed up for grad school.” He rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. “She must have talked to Sue then, because Sue told me I’d have to wait another couple of years for her, acting as if she was worried the delay might break my heart. I was happy as hell to kick the problem down the road. Hell, I could hardly talk to Sue at that point without her bringing it up. I was in the Navy already, and I wasn’t waiting for anyone. I made sure to be overseas as much as I could. Elizabeth took a job in DC. Travelled all over the world. So did I. Kept thinking Sue would drop it eventually.”
“Why didn’t you just confront her?”
“Have you met my grandmother?”
Walker relaxed a little when Avery laughed softly. He didn’t know what changed his mind about explaining the past to her, but now that he’d started, his relief was overwhelming. At the beginning of the year he’d thought it would be a simple thing to dissolve his ties to Elizabeth and tidy things away before Avery even knew there was a complication. He should have anticipated Sue would keep fighting for the future she wanted.
“You had to know you’d face Sue someday,” Avery said, echoing his thoughts. He could just make out the curve of her cheek in the starlight, the glint of her eyes.
Walker nodded. “I figured it was Elizabeth’s place to do that. I thought she’d tell Sue she didn’t want me. What could Sue say to that?”
Avery pulled back. “That’s kind of the coward’s way out, don’t you think?”
Walker stilled, the burn of shame every bit as raw as he’d feared it would be when he contemplated talking about this with her. When he spoke again, his voice was rough. “I was pretending to myself I was holding up my side of the bargain. That Elizabeth was the one who’d started the lie, and she could end it, and I wouldn’t be the worse for it. I didn’t want to let Sue down.” It was stupid. So much energy expended when they all could have been past it years ago.
But other damage had been done between their families long before that. Old hurts that made a little thing turn into something far bigger.
“You love your grandmother,” Avery said softly.
He did, but it seemed a poor excuse for his behavior. “I love you.”
As the silence stretched out between them, he wondered if she’d heard. If he’d made a mistake and she didn’t share his feelings anymore. If she was too ashamed of the way he’d behaved—
“Don’t… say that if you’re going to marry someone else.” The pain in her voice hit him like a slap, and another wave of shame threatened to engulf him.
“I don’t want to marry someone else. I’ve been… stupid. Too proud to admit I lied all those years ago. So sure I could save face by keeping quiet.” His motives were more selfish than anything Elizabeth or Sue had done. “I told myself Elizabeth would break things off. I wouldn’t have to go back on my word. I wouldn’t have to admit to Sue I lied to her.”
Avery watched him wordlessly. As much as he wished she’d take the pressure off him by offering some kind of advice, or hope, or something, he couldn’t blame her. This was his doing. His problem to solve.
“I’m going to talk to both of them tomorrow. I’m going to tell Sue the truth and tell Elizabeth I’m not going along with this anymore. I just need one more day to make this right.”
Still Avery watched him. Was he too late? Had his actions betrayed her so badly she couldn’t forgive him?
“Avery,” he
