Every one of those words made her smile.
Chapter Six
Anna pressed a hand against the wall by the door and slipped her bare feet into the waiting gardening clogs. Leo placed their water glasses on the counter, and led the way as they walked the short distance to the other cottage in silence. She hadn’t been inside in years, not since the MacMaster family and hers joined with other neighbors for summertime barbeques and beach picnics.
Stepping through the familiar French doors, she approved the recent improvements, which included placing the mattress and box springs in the living room in front of the double doors and giving the walls a coat of paint. The cottage was clean, sparsely furnished, and cold.
“Is this what you were doing the other day?” she asked. “I noticed you moving a lot of furniture and stuff out of the house.”
“I came here for the view and that back room has transom windows and no view. I like the bed out here.”
Anna paused at the foot of the mattress and took in the unobstructed vista across the short lawn to the cove. “I agree.”
An awkward charge built in the silence.
She stroked Leo’s arm and wove her fingers through his. “Do you want to talk or something?”
“I want to kiss you more, Saffron-by-the-Sea. But I want to know about you too.” His words coaxed her onto the bed. He pulled at the rumpled quilt and lay on his back, his head on one half of the only pillow.
Anna crawled alongside him and propped herself on one elbow. “For right now, this is enough for me.”
Leo rolled to his side, facing her. “I’d like to share something personal with you. Would that be all right?”
He brought his hand to rest at the side of her waist, cupping the gap where her cropped sweater slipped away from her pants. Staring, he pressed his thumb into the dip at the side of her belly, followed the swell, and nestled into the hollow of her navel. He appeared to be captivated by the terrain of her midsection.
The sureness of his touch coaxed Anna into relinquishing some of her resistance. “Yes. And I’ll share something too. Bravery in anonymity?”
His hand quieted on the small patch of exposed skin. He nodded. “I had testicular cancer. The treatments left me cancer free, but they also left me…” He smirked, returned to fiddling with the edge of Anna’s sweater before looking at her full on. “They also left me with erectile dysfunction. And I’m telling you, not because I’m making any assumptions about where this is going, but because I want you to know that however I react physically, it’s about me, not you.”
Anna froze a little. He’d mentioned cancer and his ex when they’d met on the rock at the beach. It made sense he wouldn’t share every detail in that earlier moment. She once again held up a palm to her maternal side and waited for Leo to continue.
“My ex didn’t mean to contribute to my distress, but the changes in my ability to perform sexually had a lot to do with our break up. I’ve felt like less of a man, although I’m working on those feelings.”
She placed her hand on top of his, right where her belly’s plumpness bothered her the most, and interlaced their fingers.
“So, that’s my big secret,” he finished, “and that’s why I decided to take the intimacy workshop. I want to feel whole again, and I know it’s going to take time. I’m willing to be patient. But it’s frustrating. Really, really frustrating.”
He pulled his hand away from Anna’s and picked at the bedcover. His watch ticked out the seconds, and the minutes. She focused on the sound, not on the way he’d withdrawn from their physical connection. He was right—this part was about him, not her.
“You’re the only person I’ve mentioned this to, outside of my doctor. I don’t mean to put any pressure on you, but maybe you’re right and there is something about being new to each other that allows me to confide in you more than I would someone else I’d just met.”
Anna slid one finger toward his, hooking it into the same hole in the patched cloth. “And what if your reaction to me is positive?”
He looked up quickly and grinned. “Then that would be a step in a very encouraging direction, and I would welcome that kind of progress. But even if parts of me don’t respond in the way I want, or you want, don’t take it personally if my penis appears to be suffering from a lack of enthusiasm.”
Leo seemed to try to keep his voice unaffected, but a light tremor shifted through the muscles in his face.
She traced her knuckles across one cheek and lowered her hand. “I think your kisses are very encouraging, and I like how they make me feel.”
“I like your kisses too. So, what’s your personal confession?”
Anna sighed. She hadn’t even broached this with Elaine. “When my birthday came around, it really sunk in that I’m fifty years old, and I’m single and having a hard time imagining what it will take to start dating again. I feel invisible to men, and I’m close to giving up.”
“Giving up what?” Leo tucked a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear.
She would so much rather be kissing him than talking about being a fifty-year-old widow. Mentioning her age and relationship status was like handing over a whole stack of Get Out of Jail Free cards the moment someone younger or more interesting walked into his view.
Nevertheless, she forged ahead. “Giving up on being intimate
