I suppose part of me will always belong to those three Aurelians now. Part of me will always wish I could be with them. Part of me will never cease wishing that I could change their very nature, and I’ll hate myself for not trying.
From the first moment I saw Captain Aelon, I knew I wanted him – and yet I hated him at the same time.
I just wish I could give him more peace than the sweaty hour we’d spent coupling together – the only time I’d ever sensed that burning, vengeful anger quiet inside him.
I check the HUD and the controls, and then call over my shoulder:
“Keep your eyes trained on space. I don’t expect anyone to test us, but we need to be ready.”
“Aye, Captain,” says Sawoot, more relaxed now that The Instigator is becoming smaller and smaller in our viewscreen.
We’re quiet as we fly. The adrenaline dump after that frenzied escape has made us all docile. Sawoot scans space with enough firepower at her fingertips to rip through anything that tests us – short of a warship like The Instigator – but she’s calm and silent as she does so.
In fact, not a word is said between the three of us for the next hour or so, as I pilot us to nowhere in particular. I’m just trying to put as much distance between us and the Aurelians as possible. The impulse engines are at full power, with only a fraction of the energy allocated to the shields and weapons batteries. If we get ambushed by surprise, a las-gun would slice through the weak shields and turn us to dust; but I’m not expecting anything in the darkness of empty space.
People forgot just how big space is. It’s easy for a woman to disappear into that gaping maw of emptiness. I don’t worry my crew with the knowledge that Captain Aelon and his battle-brothers will always have a general idea of where we’re going. Their muted auras are growing fainter with every mile of distance I place between us and them. If I didn’t have The Instigator marked on my maps, I wouldn’t even be able to pinpoint where they are on the HUD anymore.
That won’t stop them from coming after me as soon as they regain power.
They will come after me, right?
It’s silly to think Captain Aelon and his triad would let me go. I remember Iunia’s words. He told me that he’d thought I was brave and capable. Those didn’t just sound like the words a man says to coax a woman into bed. I heard truth in his voice. He respected me.
It felt real.
If the Aurelians don’t come after me, my problems will be solved – but, in some insane way, I’ll actually be hurt. I have to hope they give up on me, but I don’t want them to.
What is it they call that? When you have two contradictory notions that you maintain at the same time?
Cognitive dissonance?
Or love, as Sawoot once called it jokingly.
I suppose I can give my weaker instincts the edge this time. As much as I might logically pray for the triad not to pursue me, my romantic instincts win out. I know it’s impossible for them to let me go. I’m part of Aelon, Vinicus and Iunia’s minds now – lodged in there like a splinter.
Their location is growing fainter and fainter in my mind, but I can still feel their pain at losing their Fated Mate – and they’ll always feel my guilt at leaving them. Their grief is palpable, raw, and all-consuming.
They’ll come after me, and they’ll never stop trying to find me. I just have to get my crew far enough away to evade them...
…and I’ll have to get used to the pain from their auras.
And then, the moment I think it, the three of them suddenly wink out of my mind.
The Aurelians disappear – as if they’d never entered my consciousness in the first place.
I gasp. Something feels horribly wrong. My stomach suddenly clenches.
A surprise attack.
The Toads must have caught them off guard. When I disabled The Instigator, those Toads must have been lurking in the shadows – perhaps concealed in the gravity well of the moon, or beyond the distant asteroid field.
Gods! What if that’s true? What if the Toads saw The Instigator, after we’d temporarily crippled her, and attacked?
Aelon would have had no defenses. He’d have had no way of fighting off the Toads – and they’d have been able to turn The Instigator to dust as easily as you might blow a derelict hulk out of space.
My heart stops. Have I… Have I just killed the three men who wanted me so desperately?
All I’d wanted was my problems with the Bond to end – but I suppose you need to be extremely careful what you wish for.
Now, I suppose I’ve got my wish – although in a way I’d never, ever have wanted. Now, I suppose I’ll never have to worry about craving those three gorgeous warriors ever again. I won’t ever have to worry about the triad hunting me down and holding me captive. I won’t have to run from them anymore.
I’d been worried about the three aliens having a constant presence in my mind, a constant reminder that I didn’t choose them. It would have been like a leaky faucet, dripping their anguish into my consciousness throughout the day.
But now, instead, their absence will be the constant reminder – the brand burned into my soul that I was the reason for the deaths of Aelon, Vinicus, Iunia – and the rest of the crew of The Instigator.
Oh, Gods. I take a ragged breath. My guilt will be endless.
I practically murdered them. I might as well have!
I left The Instigator completely defenceless when I knew there was an enemy force hellbent on their destruction. I felt the grief of my triad, before they died. That grief wasn’t just at losing me. It was at
