“Me too,” I blurted out.
My face went instantly white-hot. I’d been trying so hard not to say a word—to simply absorb and stay noncommittal. With those two words, suddenly, it felt official.
The rest came out a hurried ramble. “I mean, I think I’m the same. I’ve never actually done it, but I’ve also never really wanted to, outside of curiosity. But I . . . do like girls.” The last words were quiet.
I couldn’t believe I’d said them.
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with my duplicate self at a dodgy Pennsylvania gas station in the middle of the night. That was not how I’d imagined coming out.
(Oh, Christ, I was coming out? Was this it?)
“Only girls?” Rainbow asked, and I nodded. “Congratulations. Sounds like you might be an asexual lesbian.”
“That’s a . . . thing?” I was torn between carrying on the conversation and being stuck on the word lesbian. Applied to me. On someone else’s lips.
Lesbian.
I’d never even called myself that.
I stared out the windshield, trying to keep calm, even if sweat was suddenly pouring down my back. I wished I could rewind the last minute the way the Powers could. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t—What if I was wrong, what if—
“You’ve never heard of asexuality? It can be different for everyone. Like, I said I enjoy sex with Tara, but plenty of ace people don’t enjoy sex at all. Some like kissing, some don’t, some have a sex drive, some don’t, some do feel attraction but only rarely. Things like that. Before Tara, I thought actual lust would just happen eventually, but I’m sixteen now, and we’ve been together for months . . . Nothing. Tara and I have been reading about it together.”
“I can’t really look for these things,” I mumbled. “My internet use is monitored.”
Why was it so hot here? God, I needed to take off this coat, I needed—
Was this another panic attack? Was I just freaking out the normal way?
“That’s messed up.” Rainbow grimaced. “If it helps, Four didn’t know much about it, either. So, how come—”
“We shouldn’t be talking about this,” I said abruptly. “It’s silly. I need to be saving the world. And Alpha is in that ambulance, and, and, and it doesn’t feel right.” I needed to be outside. Cold air in my face. No one asking me questions I couldn’t answer. A moment to catch my breath.
I fumbled with the door handle. “I’m gonna check on her.”
With that, I was out the door.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
I heard the helicopters before I saw them.
A glimpse of one outside the passenger’s-side window. Another at the edge of the windshield. They stayed at a distance, barely visible in the night sky over the hilly landscape.
I might’ve believed it was a coincidence—surely there were helicopters all over the state—but I knew better. Having only a researcher accompanying all five Hazels was nowhere near sufficient. Especially when that researcher had already lost the MGA’s trust by waiting hours to tell them she’d found us. No way would the organization risk losing sight of us again.
I doubted Four or Rainbow noticed the helicopters. Torrance probably did, but she did a good job of hiding it.
The helicopters’ distant whirrs settled into a rhythm that was oddly comforting.
Familiar.
I kicked off my shoes and drew my legs onto the seat. For the first time, I dozed off.
Torrance met several agents and an MGA doctor at the entrance of a Harrisburg hospital. The agents wasted no time in confiscating the weapons we’d used in Damford. They paid particular attention to me.
“You’re looking for my knife, right?” I said as a female agent patted me down. “I left it with the dragon. She insisted.”
They were smart enough to doubt my lie—I’d hidden the knife instead—but when even a metal detector offered no results, they gave up.
An agent and the doctor took over the ambulance to bring Alpha to the farm; another agent would escort Mr. Ávila home; the remaining three stuck with us and Torrance, guiding us to the hospital’s fourth floor.
The hospital wasn’t what I’d expected. There were no beds lined up against the walls or patients stumbling around asking for help like on TV. The people we did see wore white coats and official-looking name tags. I felt awkward about staring, but they stared at us, too, four identical girls flanked by four severe-looking adults. Agents Sanghani and Valk had come, along with an agent I barely knew. I’d last seen Valk in the crashed van the night of my birthday; tonight she’d simply nodded at me as though nothing had changed.
We exited the elevator. Valk’s hand went to her ear. “Director Facet is fifteen minutes out.”
“We can still visit Dad, right? We don’t need to wait?” I asked.
She gestured at a door down the hall. “No more than two visitors at a time. Hospital rules.”
“Are you serious?” Rainbow asked.
“And leave the door open.”
“We came willingly, and we’re on the fourth floor,” Rainbow said. “What could we even do?”
Valk didn’t blink. “Kidnap your father via your dragon.”
Four looked puzzled. “Why would we kidnap . . .?”
“After the past thirty-five hours, we’re not ruling out any scenario. Keep the door open, Hazel.” She paused. “Hazels? Hm.”
“Either works,” Red said.
“If you do see Neven—the dragon—please don’t shoot her,” I said. “She’s a friend.”
“If that dragon attempts to take you, I am afraid I will absolutely shoot it.”
“We’ll negotiate first,” Sanghani assured us.
I smiled slightly. Red and Four seemed uncertain. Rainbow looked downright annoyed.
I still wasn’t sure if them returning home with me was the right call.
I still wasn’t sure if returning home to begin with was the right call.
For the past hours,
