“What are you heading to California for?” I ask, hoping we can talk about anything other than the sex and lack of calls.
He releases a heavy breath. “My family lives there, and I’m going home for the holidays and staying for a while after.”
“What do you mean a while?”
Dean rubs the back of his head. “My mother has been begging me to stay closer to home. I guess she misses me or something.” He laughs. “So, I figure maybe I’ll see what’s out there and interview a bit. I don’t know. It depends on the promotion here too . . .”
My heart falls, and I have the strongest urge to cry. I don’t want him to leave, which is stupid and scary. I wonder if the cold air does something to my brain? It would add another item to the list of things I hate about December.
“Oh.” Is all I seem to get out.
“Oh?”
“I guess I’m surprised you’d even think of leaving Chicago. Especially since you seem to be the golden boy here. It didn’t even occur to me that you’d transfer out there or leave the company when we all know you’re going to get the promotion.”
Dean shakes his head. “You’re the one they keep going to for all these pitches. We both know that the promotion is yours.”
I jerk my head back. He’s crazy. “Please, you win every account you pitch for. It’s why we all hate you.”
“You included?” he asked as he clearly fought to keep the smirk off his lips.
I wish I did. I wish he wasn’t so damn good looking. I wish I didn’t dream of him every night and didn’t find his confidence so damn attractive. I would give anything for the simmer of feelings I have for him to die out. That would really make it easier.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I would, in fact.”
“Well, too bad.”
He clutches his chest. “You wound me, and at Christmas time?”
“Please. You’re just fine. Back to the job thing . . .”
“There’s nothing definite, it’s just a possibility. I’m really just appeasing my family.”
I understand that. My mother is an overbearing crazy person. She was over last night, telling me how I needed to get my life together. It’s been almost two years, and she’s worried I’m going to die alone with a gaggle of cats.
“No matter what happens, I hope it’s what you want to happen, even if it means you have to move.”
Dean takes his other hand and laces our fingers together. “What if I told you that I hope I don’t find anything?”
“Why would you say that?”
His thumb grazes the top of my hand. “Because I like someone here.”
Our eyes meet, and my heart begins to race. “You do? Who?” I ask, really hoping it’s my name out of his mouth.
Ugh. I shouldn’t want that, but the other night changed something inside me.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He finally lets his smirk out as he throws my words back in face.
“You’re such an ass. Maybe I don’t really want to know. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t care who you like because, if you cared, you’d tell me,” I counter.
Dean turns, his eyes meet mine, and there’s no mincing words this time. “I like you, Holly. I like you, and the other night wasn’t just some random drunken fling.”
I shake my head to clear the fog of emotions that start to cloud my vision. If he liked me, he would’ve called. He would’ve done something to let me know instead of forcing himself to say it because we’re trapped in an elevator. Hell, he probably only said it because we are stuck in this elevator.
Still, my heart begins to flutter. “You don’t have to say nice things because we’re stuck in an elevator. I’m a big girl. I can handle a one-night stand or whatever we’re calling it.”
“I’m not saying it for any of those reasons. I’m saying it because I mean it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to call you, it was that I knew you didn’t want me to call you. I heard you say it was a mistake. Then the day after we slept together, I found out I was pitching against you, and I wasn’t exactly sure how the hell we were going to pick up from that. Most of all, I wanted to call. I wanted so fucking badly to see you again.”
Why does he make me feel gooey inside? Why do I want to lunge at him and kiss him? Why can’t I shut down these feelings when I know all he wants is this job?
Because I’m crazy, that’s why.
I get to my feet, needing the leverage and distance. Not that there’s anywhere to go when I’m stuck in an elevator, but still.
I look at Dean, wondering if what he’s saying is true. “Dean . . .”
“No, don’t say anything to try to make what I said a lie.”
“Why do the holidays seem to bring around so much confusion and hurt with men?” I mutter.
I used to love Christmas. It was truly the most magical time, but the bad memories always take hold and remove the joy I used to feel. There are a thousand good memories to that one horrible one, but I know I’ll only ever really remember how much it hurt when he left me. This year probably hurts more than when he left. This Christmas Eve would’ve been my wedding day. On this holiday, I’ll eat another birthday cake instead of a wedding one.
I look to the ceiling. “Seriously, could they get the damn power started so I can hide? I’m completely hopeless when it comes to relationships.”
Dean gets to his feet, crowding
