“We don’t have to do this. All is fine in our world, Mother.”
“I think we do.”
In other words: I have no choice.
I don’t doubt that she loves me, but I don’t think she likes me. It’s hard because years ago, I was her pride and joy. When you go from being loved so much it’s stifling to being the shit on someone’s shoes, it’s heartbreaking. I want her to see that I’m not a total disappointment. Chastity is my one great thing.
“I’m sorry about the other night.”
My jaw falls slack as I try to decide if this is reality or not. “You’re what?”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Teagan. I’m sorry that I said those things.”
“Did Dad make you say this?”
Her eyes narrow. “No. He did not, thank you. I don’t want us to have this sort of relationship anymore. You’re my only child, and regardless of your choices, I still love you.”
There are two things here and I’m not sure which one is going to win out.
First, she said she was sorry. That has never happened.
Second, she still found a way to remind me that my decisions are a disappointment. Which makes me wonder if she’s sorry that I’m her daughter or that she can’t find a way to see past the things she doesn’t like.
“So what exactly are you sorry for, Mom?”
“All of it. I’m sorry that we fight so much. I’m sorry that we haven’t found a way to accept things as they are.”
“I’ve accepted it. That’s the thing.”
She sighs. “I just wanted more for you.”
I can understand that as a mother. I want the world for Chastity and I will be sad if her life doesn’t include college, a career, happiness, and everything she wants, but I won’t make her feel bad for it. That’s the difference.
“I did too, but I wanted you to stand by me, be there for me, and not make me feel small all the time.”
“That was never my intention. I thought I was giving you the truth to see that you’re better than this.”
She has never been good at emotions. I can’t remember seeing her cry or being overly joyful at anything. It’s why I pushed so hard as a kid to be everything she wanted. I thought that maybe she would really love me. Each accomplishment was just another rung to get higher on the social ladder. It was never good enough for her, and I don’t think it ever will be.
“I think you mean well, Mom. I really do. I have always wanted to make you proud. I hope that one day, I will.”
A long breath escapes her nose and her lips are in a thin line. “I’m already proud of you, Teagan. I know I don’t show it. I’m not perfect, and I hope you understand my heart was in the right place. You’re so smart, beautiful, and have a wonderful heart, I…I went about it wrong, but my intentions were always good.”
I have to accept that the way my mother loves me will never be the way I want her to love me. We may never see eye to eye, but maybe we can start talking heart to heart.
“I want for us to stop cutting each other down. I love you, Mom.”
She nods once, wiping at her eye. “I have some dust in my eye.” Her voice quivers.
“It’s probably because I didn’t get a chance to clean the shelves this week.” I give her an out.
“Oh, yes, it’s very dusty in here.”
“Definitely.”
“You’ll do the shelves today,” she instructs and straightens her back.
Emotions and my mother are a funny thing. “Of course.”
“Now that’s settled. Let’s get this store in order because it’s in total disarray.”
I laugh through my nose. “Sure, let’s get to work.”
* * *
I sit at the bar, waiting for my date to show up, silently cursing Nina to hell.
Last week, I let her convince me to put a profile up on an online dating site after she and Chastity ambushed me. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, but she was so insistent that I needed to live again and that it would make Chastity feel better. I had no idea anyone would actually contact me.
In seven days, I had a ton of messages, some creepy as fuck, others seeming like genuinely nice guys.
After listening to her badger me to reply to someone, I did, and he wanted to meet—tonight.
“Is this seat taken?” Derek’s voice says from the left. Great.
“Yes, actually. I’m waiting for someone.”
He smiles. “I see. Big date?”
“If you must know, yes.”
“Ahh, well, leaving a beautiful woman alone at the bar is never a good idea.”
I start to reply but the jackass takes the seat I was saving for Gavin or Gary or…shit…I need to look at his profile and remember his name.
“By all means,” I say with a flair of the dramatics. “Have a seat.”
“Thanks.”
I roll my eyes. “That was sarcasm.”
Derek’s deep chuckle fills the air around us. “And here I thought you were just being polite.”
He doesn’t get to come here, take my date’s seat, and gain my conversation. I use this opportunity to ignore him and look for what’s his name’s name on my phone.
Gavin. Phew. I was right.
I look toward the door, waiting to see if he’s who just came in, but it was just another town person. I really should’ve picked another location. It’s not like we have a plethora of options around here, but this was not my brightest idea.
I wanted somewhere I could easily escape from if I had to, though. I know every exit from the Crabhouse. Lord knows I’ve snuck both in and out of here—many times.
“No such luck, huh?” Derek asks and then hides his smile with his beer.
“I’m sorry?”
“Your date. He’s late?”
I straighten my back and look away. “He’ll be here.”
“Have you guys gone out before or is this a first date?”
“Don’t you have anyone else to annoy?”
He grins. “Nope.”
“Lucky me.”
“Chastity mentioned your big date tonight.”
I turn
