Derek is the balm to my wounds. He’s the air that fills my lungs in a way I didn’t know I was missing. It’s as though, everything I felt is being validated. I never really knew before if we were right together. But I hoped.
My fingers slide through his hair, holding his mouth to mine, hoping that I convey all I feel within my heart to him. He has to feel all that I am, right? My body can’t possibly contain all of the love I feel for him.
His mouth grows hungrier and I’m now gripping his neck. I need more. I want everything from him. My fingers drift to his shoulders and then around his back, pulling him closer.
Derek’s hands move to my ass, and then hook under my thighs, lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on. He moves us so my back is to the wall. I can feel everything and yet not enough.
“We should stop,” he says against my mouth.
But I don’t want to stop.
“No,” I whisper and then bring our mouths back together.
He kisses me with so much passion I could explode.
“Tea.” He says my name and then his lips are on my neck. “Tell me what you want.”
“You. I want you.”
His eyes meet mine. “I’m yours.”
Those two words seem to settle my entire world. He is mine and I want to be his. I want to touch him, taste him, love him the way I’ve always hoped. Our lives have been wasted time and I’m done living that way.
“Will you let me down?” I ask tenderly.
I see the confusion in his eyes, but he doesn’t hesitate to release me. When he does, I take his hand in mine and start to walk toward the bedroom.
“Teagan.” I appreciate his apprehension, but there’s none from me.
I turn to him, letting him see the truth in my eyes. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve spent my life wondering, and I don’t have to wonder, Derek. We don’t have to wonder. I’ve loved you in some form or another what feels like my whole life and now, I want you to make love to me.”
His chest rises and falls faster and his other hand touches my cheek. “I love you more than I thought I did before.”
“Then show me.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Teagan
Present
My bravado is impressive considering the nerves that are swirling inside of me. I make it to my bedroom and it feels like I could cry. Not because I’m scared, but because I’m in a bit of disbelief. Derek and I are going to have sex. Real sex. Not in-my-mind sex.
He stands with me. His eyes feel like they’re seeing through to my thoughts. “Tell me something—”
I put my hand to his mouth. “Don’t say it, please.”
“Why?”
“Because tonight, what we’re going to do is real. I don’t have to tell you because I want us to stop talking.” I press my hand to his heart. “I want us to stop thinking. I think it’s time to start feeling.”
“Then tell me what you feel.” His voice is low and husky.
The two of us are in uncharted water, the shoreline is ahead, but we don’t know the way.
“That tonight is going to change everything.”
Derek’s fingers brush my cheek. “No, baby, it changed the first time my lips touched yours.”
“I think it was before that.”
His hands slide down my neck, then my arms, before he lifts my hand to his mouth. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Teagan. You’ve been the part of me that’s been missing.”
“You have no idea how much I want to believe what you say,” I admit. “I do, but it scares me because I feel the same.”
“Then, I’ll just have to do as you said.” His lips move closer to mine. “And show you.”
Derek’s mouth is on mine a moment later. I can do nothing but hold on to him, letting myself go and feel it all.
Each time I kiss him, I find another part of myself that was lost. I can’t imagine what I’m going to feel when he’s inside of me.
His hands are at the hem of my shirt and he breaks the kiss long enough to pull it over my head. I do the same to his, and try so hard not to have my mouth hanging open, but he’s perfect. Every inch of him is better than I could’ve ever expected. His chest is wide and the muscles tense from my touch.
Derek doesn’t move until our eyes meet. Then he lifts his hand, touches the strap on my bra, and pulls it down before doing the same to the other. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to stop him, but I decide to show him that’s not happening.
I reach behind and unhook my bra, letting it fall to the floor.
“You’re so beautiful,” he tells me.
I’ve never truly felt beautiful until now. It’s silly because since I was a kid I’ve listened to people tell me how I was pretty or how they wished they had my hair and eyes. They were just words though. It meant nothing because I didn’t believe it.
My whole life I’ve never felt good enough. I’ve struggled with things turning out the way they have, but right now, it’s as though it all makes sense.
Those struggles have made me who I am. They’ve formed this woman, standing in front of Derek, the man I still love and wonder if this is what it’s all led to.
I want to argue that I’m not beautiful, but for some reason, it feels wrong. They’re not empty words and he means them. “I don’t think I’ve ever believed that until right now.”
“That you’re beautiful?” I nod. “You, are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, Teagan Berkeley.
