Well…he shrugged a little. I’m kind of the opposite. And Aura is very strong for her kind.
Oh. I see. She shouldn’t have felt jealous of Aura, but the thought of sharing him with anyone really bothered her. If you love her, you should be with her. She said simply, matter-of-factly, even though the thought that he would be away from her was physically painful.
My brothers used to tell me that there was nothing stronger in the world than love. He laid his head down on the seat beside hers, not looking at her, but still close by. I’m starting to think they were wrong.
Maybe I can find someone who will love me too. Candra reasoned. They could be partners, friends, without being romantically involved. Right? She barely understood the concept anyway, other than what she read in books.
The thought was somehow painful for him as well, though he knew it shouldn’t be. There was something between the two of them that went beyond rational or even conscious thought. It was pure instinct, and he knew even if he tried, there was very little he would be able to do to fight against it. You’ve been alone down there your whole life? I mean, you never had anybody to be with?
Candra shook her head. It wasn’t safe. For me or for them.
Why not for you?
They might just want to use me. She sighed as she remembered the day when her most recent master told her that no one would ever love her the way she read about because her power would always be too great a temptation.
Is that what you think I’m doing? Using you? Orlando’s dark eyes were curious, but he seemed genuine at least.
I don’t know. Her response was honest, though she hoped that it wasn’t true. She hoped he wouldn’t use her. I barely know you. I don’t know if you’re good or bad, and I don’t know what you want.
If it’s any comfort, that makes two of us. He looked over at her, his dark eyes drinking in the hazy light as fast as it reached them in the back of the van away from the windows. I’m still trying to figure that out myself.
Now Candra was starting to feel bad for what happened, even though being close to Orlando felt so good. You don’t have to be with me. You should be with Aura. I know she loves you, and you just told me you love her so you should be with her. She worried about you and Nick all the time. Loudly.
He sighed heavily once, and licked the side of her face. Once more like you mean it.
She turned her face into his again. Apparently she wasn’t convincing anyone, Orlando or herself. Do you think you could love me?
I don’t know what I think right now. Orlando said honestly, having no real reason to lie to the girl who obviously led an incredibly sheltered life. Right now, I would much rather just not think. He moved so that he was laying next to her, and put a paw over her shoulder to hold her back against him. His face laid alongside hers with his eyes closed and he held her between him and the back of the seat.
Candra closed her eyes too, but her mind never stopped moving and reeling. Not even for a moment. She liked feeling close to him, though, since she was never able to be close to anyone. I’m sorry for making it complicated. I don’t have to stay. I can run away and find a new place to live.
You wouldn’t be able to run, Orland said, not quite sadly, but just as a statement of fact. Any more than I’d be able to keep from chasing you.
But if you don’t love me, then…
I don’t know, Candra. I don’t have any answers. He might want her, and desperately want to be with her, but that didn’t keep him from being angry at the situation. He was trying hard not to be, but it was the first time in a long time that he hadn’t had at least some measure of control over his own life, his own feelings.
I’m sorry. Candra repeated and moved away from him again so that she was on the opposite end of the bench. Candra curled up as she was used to doing and tucked her head into her own fur. The last thing she wanted was for him to be angry with her, she wanted to be friends in the very least, but maybe that wasn’t possible. Maybe it’s best if we just stay away. That’s what all the books say anyway.
Life isn’t a book. He sighed, but didn’t follow her, though he was still close by, and between her and the door anyway. I wish it was. It would be simpler.
Candra eventually fell asleep and slept that way until the van came to a stop. They needed gas, and so everyone got out to stretch. When it was just the two of them in the van, he nudged her so that she would wake up, and when she did it was frantically. Why did we stop?
Just to get gas. Come on, let’s hit the bathrooms and get something to eat. He stayed next to her longer than he really needed to, but then jumped over the seat in front of them to get to his clothes, and shifted in mid-jump, landing on the cushion and righting himself before getting her clothes and handing them back to her.
She didn’t shift, but shook her head in fear. There was no way that she was going to shift while the
