But the sinking sensation in the pit of my belly told me it was. “I don’t understand…”
He slow-blinked. I was infected ten years ago in a skirmish with the varga.
Infected? “Oh, God.”
The usual protocol is to kill an infected wolf immediately, he continued, but as the only male descendent of the Holm bloodline, they couldn’t afford to lose me.
Leif placed a hand on Rune’s back and the wolf bowed his head. “We’d come to learn that if a shifter was infected while in wolf form, the infection would be dormant for a while, only activating when he shifted into human form. We just didn’t know how long it would remain dormant.”
So they penned me up, watched and waited. Days turned to weeks, and once a month had passed, I was allowed out of my pen but kept under guard at all times. A year passed and the infection remained dormant, but it’s still inside me. Waiting. I can feel it.
He’d been a prisoner for a year? Penned up for a month, then under guard for the rest… I couldn’t imagine how that must have felt to him. Was this why he hadn’t wanted me to visit his pack house? He’d been afraid I’d find out.
I can feel it inside me, Cora, a wrongness, a hunger, a darkness. The varga can too. The other night in the clearing, the alpha, Vax, spoke in my head. They want me to join them and…and for a moment I was tempted. He sighed. To be free, able to shift back and forth at will, but the cost…The cost is madness and the lust for human flesh. The cost is leaving you. I can’t.
What did it feel like for a shifter to be forced to remain in his beast form? What kind of strain did it put on Rune? The pain in Rune’s tone, the torment in his hazel eyes told me it was too high a price.
I crouched in front of him, hands coming up to bracket his wolfy face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He dropped his head and closed his eyes. I didn’t want you to think of me as tainted or broken. I didn’t want you to fear me. I can’t be with you like Tor or Leif. All I have is this body, the wolf who can make you feel safe and walk beside you. I didn’t want you to see the monster inside me. I didn’t want you to know it was there, hungry and waiting.
What the fuck? A twisting pain lit up my chest. “I wouldn’t have thought any of those things. I’d never fear you. Rune, you’re the gentlest, sweetest man I know.” I pressed my forehead to his, my chest tight with a tumult of emotions. Mine and his. He was infected, body in preparation for becoming one of them, but he wasn’t one of them yet. He was Rune. My Rune, and I would never let them have him. “There has to be a way to get rid of the infection.”
“There isn’t,” Tor said. “We’ve been studying it for decades. The Magiguard managed to get a sample. The infection is a combination of mystical and chemical and there is, to date, no cure.”
No cure but death. I’ve come to accept it, Cora. This is my life now.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to the side of his head. “Our life, Rune. This is our life now.”
Cora…
There was more I wanted to say, needed to say, but not while we had an audience.
I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. “You can’t come with us.”
He gave me a quizzical look. I have the infection inside me. The rift will allow me through.
“Yeah, I get that, but you’re still not coming. You don’t know how the infection will react to being on that side of the rift, and even if there is no reaction, the varga want you. They see you as one of them. I’m not risking them getting hold of you.”
“She’s right,” Leif said. “It’s not safe.”
I won’t let you go alone, Rune said, showing his stubborn streak.
“And if you come and the infection takes hold and you go varga, what then? What happens to the seal? What happens if you get a surge of bloodlust and I’m the only prey?”
He flinched as if I’d struck him. I’d never hurt you.
I hated that I’d needed to paint that picture, but I needed to keep him safe. “No. You wouldn’t. But the varga you’d become would. You need to stay. I’ll be safe with Jasper and The Elites. We’ve got this.”
Tor’s jaw was tight, but he nodded curtly, and Leif exhaled in resignation.
“Now can we go?” Jasper drawled.
I nodded. “Yes, let’s—”
“Last one to the cabin’s an arsehole.” Jasper gripped my arm and the world shattered.
The cabin’s lounge materialized around me, and I shrugged off Jasper’s grip, fixing him with an irritated glare. “Why did you do that?”
“Why not?” He moved over to the hearth and held out his hands as if he needed the warmth. “Or were you planning on another interlude with one of your mates? Tor maybe. In the restroom.” His lip curled. “You seem to prefer the cramped, dirty places to silk sheets and luxury rooms.”
He was referring to the imposed retreat he’d taken me on a year ago. Champagne, sex on silk sheets, and fancy meals, but I’d been a prisoner. Or had I? Everything looked different now. Everything had changed.
My neck heated with embarrassment and then anger, because I had nothing to be embarrassed about. Leif, Tor, and Rune were my mates, and Jasper was… Jasper was so many things I needed to untangle and learn about.
I took a step toward him. I needed to fix us. To let him know how I felt.
The door slammed open. “Anyone here?” Sloane called.
Fuck. Our chat would have to wait.
The Elites filled the room, bringing a gust of cold air with them.
Jasper’s smile was thin
