“He’s in med school now in Chicago...”
Jacquie tried. She really did. She agreed to a binge of dates after the exchange with Luke, seeking companionship as much as she was trying to prove Pierce wrong. It was possible to have safe with a little sizzle, she knew it, and when sizzle inevitably faded, she’d still be safe. She was right. She’d been married. She knew this territory better than Pierce.
Her neighbor had been trying to set her up with the friend of a friend for years. Jacquie finally agreed. Her former sister-in-law worked with a guy she was sure would be perfect for Jacquie. Jacquie agreed to meet him. There was a single father from the PTA for Maddy’s high school who had asked her out before. The list of candidates grew rapidly and she was convinced there had to be a winner in the lot.
She quickly realized that dating in her forties was terrifying. It wasn’t just that the men were older—she was, too—but they were more sure of what they wanted and needed, and more inclined to itemize it early. Even meeting for coffee felt like a negotiation. There was a lot of lust but not one spark of romance.
Certainly, there was no sizzle.
Bachelor number one was more interested in her rent-control apartment and its future. His interest died when she insisted that her kids would move into it.
Bachelor number two talked endlessly about his work, barely pausing for breath. Jacquie’s failure to be fascinated with the manufacture of plastic components meant they shook hands early, abandoning half-filled mugs of coffee, by mutual agreement.
Bachelor number three spoke to her breasts and never once met her gaze.
Bachelor number four suggested that she could cook for him and was visibly astonished that the sum of her culinary achievements was boiled eggs with toast.
She had the sense that some of them wanted a mommy or a housekeeper—maybe a cook or a sex kitten—and they certainly qualified to her thinking as people who needed to be taken care of. Jacquie was done with that.
Ironically, they made her think a lot about Pierce. She recalled his self-sufficiency, his neatness, the conversations they’d had, his willingness to change his habits, the way he never flinched from a truth. She thought about the effort he put into each of their nights together and how she’d felt. He’d never taken anything for granted.
Why did she assume that he’d suddenly change and do so? It wasn’t fair.
And Jacquie thought about that sizzle. She’d been sure it would diminish, but the simple truth was that each time she and Pierce had sex, it was better than the last. They’d been getting to know each other, learning how best to please each other, and using that knowledge against each other in the most interesting ways.
Each time they met, she tingled. The sizzle had been growing between them, not fading. Jacquie couldn’t understand it or explain it, but she couldn’t forget it either.
She talked to her kids and listened to Ashley’s increasingly-solid plan of moving back east. She listened to Cole’s predictions about the virus that was spreading and didn’t like the sound of any of it.
She couldn’t evade the recollection of Pierce’s decision in Abu Dubai—if things went sideways, Jacquie wanted to be home with her kids around her. She argued with Maddy about returning to New York, but her stubborn daughter was determined to stay in London and secure the promotion that might come from her experience there.
Jacquie helped navigate the changes at F5F as they introduced more social distancing, reduced class sizes, and used a lot more disinfectant. She did her best juggling of the part-time staff with the changing schedules.
She also thought a lot about risk when she was home alone at night, tucked up with her ghosts. She wondered whether the price of complete safety might be boredom—or just the sense that she was marking time instead of living her life to the fullest. The changing situation around her made her want to seize every opportunity and make the most of every day.
She’d been filled with anticipation when Pierce had been in her life, and not just of when she’d see him next—when they were together, she’d wondered what he’d say or do. She couldn’t entirely predict him, she trusted him, and she respected him.
She knew that any of the man she’d met for coffee would become invisible to her in very little time. It was true they weren’t the only men on the planet, but after two weeks of active dating, she was starting to wonder if Pierce had been right.
If he was, she was an idiot to let him slip away.
Jacquie didn’t like thinking of herself as stupid.
The final straw was bachelor number five, an attractive man with a great job and the friend of a friend. They’d met for coffee and Jacquie had thought there was some promise. She dressed for their Friday night dinner date with optimism, wearing the same dress and shoes as when she’d met Pierce. Her date was reasonably trim and wore a suit. The restaurant was near the club, an Italian place with an excellent reputation.
There was no sizzle or spark, but he was nice. Maybe that was enough.
It might have been if he hadn’t insisted on a drink before they ordered. The alcohol made him chatty. Jacquie had a feeling that the tone was changing and asked him about his expectations. His eyes lit as he surveyed her and gave precise details of what she would owe him in exchange for dinner. Jacquie felt like washing her hands or dumping her drink over his suit. Instead, she excused herself before the meals came and left the restaurant alone.
She marched down Fifth Avenue, seething, as angry with herself as with her date. She knew she’d never make it all the way home in her heels. She had a pair of more sensible shoes in the office and she wasn’t going to add insult to
