It’s pretty fucking warped if you ask me, but at least I don’t have to spend my nights in a place like this to try and find my calm. Twelve years of flailing and failing was more than enough. I don’t judge her for her hobbies, I know my addictions are hardly healthy. She seems happy, safe, and free from judgement here, and I guess at the end of the day, that’s all we can really ask for from our lives.
“Do you know anything about his family business?” she asks. “Forgive me if this is too personal, but how do you reconcile going from one side of the law to the other?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask. Fabian warned me she was the kind of person who asked a lot of questions, and maybe she’s just trying to make polite conversation, but it makes me really uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I swear. Sometimes I come off as abrasive. I’m sure you already realized that. I guess what I meant to say is you’ve probably seen a lot of stuff in your day.”
“I will tell you with all honesty, Magda, the stuff I saw with my ex husband was worse than anything you could possibly assume the Kings are doing.”
“I kind of suspected that,” she says. “I’m sorry, let’s talk about something fun.”
“No, I kind of appreciate it.” I take a long sip from my water bottle. “Most people don’t have the balls to just put stuff like that out there, even though I know it’s what everyone is thinking when they look at me. I know a lot of people have a lot of assumptions about me.”
“Girl, I work in a sex club and date a King, I can totally emphasize,” she says with a laugh. “Get used to it. You don’t have to run from your past. You don’t have to love everything that happened in your life, but you can’t deny it was a part of you. All those things shaped you into the person you are today.”
Maybe she’s right. I am a lot less afraid of everyone and everything now. I know what I want from my life, and I don’t feel ashamed about it.
I really don’t know if it was because of everything I went through, though, or if it’s because I finally listened to that voice inside me the whole time telling me to go that person who was always right under my nose, that person who always had my best interest at heart, even in a world where I didn’t want to trust anyone.
“I want you to know, Serafin never comes here during operating hours. Lord knows we’ve tried over the last few years, if only to get him out of the house. That man has been a closed book from the day I met him. I don’t think he’d notice if a woman was sitting on his face. He’s only ever had eyes for you, Mia.”
It makes me feel less jealous, but it makes me feel sad, too. All these years of his life he wasted alone when he could’ve been with anyone. He should have been having fun with his friends. He has so many people who love him and care about him, and instead of enjoying and embracing that, he waited for me.
I make a pledge in my heart to never ever make him feel that way again. I will never leave him alone again, even though I know we’ve always carried a part of each other.
Serafin and Fabian come back in the room, and I go over to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. There’s nothing in this world that needs reconciled. My past life didn’t define me, it was just a blip on the radar. My present and my future is right in front of me.
“You want the grand tour, Mia?” Magda suggests. “I can show you some of my favorite suites.”
“Maybe some other time,” I say. “You two get back to whatever it is you were doing. We have a hot date with a cheeseburger and a milkshake planned.”
“Keep me posted about your mom,” Fabian says. “I’ll call my parents and let them know. I’m sure they’ll want to send some flowers over.”
Serafin nods, and there’s a sadness in his eyes that makes me feel like it’s a lot worse than he’s letting on. I don’t pry, but I think I know exactly how to cheer him up.
18
We walk outside and the sun is starting to set, the air chilly, and traffic is backed up for miles, people laying on their horns as they make the commute home from work. It’s not even worth trying to get off the exit yet, even though my stomach is growling.
I pull out a couple granola bars from my purse and offer him one.
“Did you eat today?” I ask.
“Did you steal those from the office?”
“Listen, just because there’s food in my purse doesn’t mean I stole it,” I say with a laugh, punching him in the shoulder. “But yes, they did come from the office. They were in the community break room so they’re fair game.”
He takes one and unwraps it, eating the whole thing in two quick bites.
“Magda told me you don’t ever come to the club and uhhh… indulge,” I say, offering him my other granola bar. He shakes his head and I start nibbling at it. “I don’t understand why. It’s not like there aren’t a million girls in Krakow who wouldn’t give anything in the world to be with you.”
“I’m not going to lie, Mia, seeing you jealous is kind of a turn on.”
“I’m not jealous, for fucks sake,” I shout, even though every time I think about him with another woman I feel like I want to climb out of my skin. “You were entitled to do whatever you wanted.”
“Then
