Allison wept silently for her lack of resistance. He was going to hate her. He couldn’t not know what she was, now.
Seconds later, he stiffened and cried out, and Allison watched his corded torso lift as his hips enforced their mastery of her, watched his face contort in the unmistakable mask of fulfillment. His voice throbbed hoarsely as he cried her name once, twice, and then like a prayer, his body convulsed in a red fever of blinding ecstasy.
It hadn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. He was lying on her heavily now, his body drenched in sweat, his mouth against her bare shoulder. Still flushing from what she’d seen, she stroked his damp, black hair absently, her eyes wide and shocked as she stared at the rough wood of the ceiling. Despite everything it was so sweet to lie and hold him like this, so close that they were still one person. The embarrassment and pain and shame would follow, she knew, and would be almost unbearable. But for these few seconds, he was helpless and in need of comfort, and she held him to her with tender generosity, her eyes closing as she whispered her love for him silently, without a sound.
Gene got his breath back and lifted his head to look at Allison. Her eyes opened slowly and she blushed. There was something in those soft hazel eyes that hurt him. He’d failed her all the way around.
He accepted the knowledge with shame and a kind of helpless pleasure as his eyes slid down to her breasts, still hard-tipped because he hadn’t satisfied her. He would have been more than willing to do that, because she’d given him heaven. But it would be too soon for her, after the ordeal of her first time. First time. He shivered. A virgin. He was her first man.
The thought humbled him. He bent and started to kiss her soft mouth, but she turned her head, and then he saw it. The shame. The fear. He took a sharp breath and rolled away from her, standing up to dress quietly, with cold efficiency. It had never been like that, he thought bitterly; it had never been so urgent that he couldn’t wait for his partner. He couldn’t even blame the beer, because he hadn’t had that much. And he knew damned well he hadn’t satisfied Allison. There hadn’t been time. Besides that, he thought, horrified as he turned to look at her, she’d been unnaturally tight and afraid and now he knew that he must have hurt her terribly. They said no man could tell, but even without glancing at that faint stain on the coverlet, he knew. Somehow, he thought he’d known from the beginning. And if his own guilt wasn’t enough, she wouldn’t even look at him. She made him feel like less than a man.
He looked away while she put on her own clothes with trembling hands. When he turned again, she was sitting on the edge of the bed with her hands folded on her thighs, her eyes downcast, her thin body trembling.
The most beautiful experience of his life, and he’d cost her not only her chastity but any pleasure she might have had, all because he’d been selfish. She looked as if what she’d done was some unforgivable sin to boot. Her downcast, defeated expression made him hurt. His guilt and self-contempt spurred his temper, and he exploded with rage.
He reached out and grabbed her arms, jerking her roughly to her feet. “Damn you,” he said icily, shaking her none too gently. His blazing eyes made her flinch. “You lied to me! You told me you were experienced, when all the time you were a virgin!”
She all but cringed, closing her eyes. Neither of them saw or heard the shadowy figure on horseback who’d heard that furious accusation. The rider moved a little closer and spotted them through the window, a sarcastic smile on his mouth. He didn’t hesitate. He abruptly turned his mount and stealthily rode away.
“Why did you do it?” Gene was demanding.
“I wanted to get to know you,” she said dully.
“Well, you did, didn’t you?” he asked with deliberate cruelty, and a meaningful glance at the stain on the coverlet.
Her eyes dropped on a hurting moan. Tears were rolling down her cheeks without a sound. She stared at his throat, watching the pulse throb there. She deserved the anger, so she didn’t fight it. He was right. She’d lied and let him think she was experienced and because of it, he hadn’t felt any need to hold back physically. Now he’d seduced her and she only had herself to blame. Worse than that, she hadn’t taken any precautions or asked him to. One time might not be anything to worry about, of course, but there were no guarantees. And she still had to live with her guilt and shame, with her conscience.
He let go of her abruptly, savagely ashamed of his own uncharacteristic behavior. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at her again without hating himself.
Allison, of course, didn’t realize that his anger was directed at himself, not at her. She thought he surely must hate her now, and she couldn’t bear to meet his eyes.
He noticed, with bitter pain. “We’d better go,” he said coldly.
He turned out the light and jerked open the door, helping her inside the Jeep with icy courtesy before he went back to lock the cabin. He got into the Jeep without a single word, and that was how he drove home.
When he pulled up at the Manleys’ house, she got out
