Placing my hand against my stomach I smile. I’m having a baby. As much as I fear the thought of not being here, I will at least be leaving a piece of me behind. That is if I can make it through a pregnancy. More and more questions to ask the doctors.
A knock on the door startles me. “Babe you in there?” Chaz asks.
“Yeah just a sec,” I call out quickly tossing the pregnancy test into the trash hiding it under tissues.
Opening the door, I find him still standing there. His brow furrowed. “You okay Pixie?”
“I’m fine Mr. Broody. I was just doing girly stuff,” I say slightly embarrassed.
“Okay, I gotta get ready for work,” he informs me all the while eye-fucking me. The man is insatiable. And I love it.
I know I should tell him about the pregnancy test but I’m going to hold off until after I talk to the doctor. Doctor Meyers will be able to advise me on what to do and expect. Shoot maybe he will have found a donor already. Miracles could happen, right?
Inwardly shaking my head, I give Chaz a kiss before heading back into his room to get dressed for the day. Granted we don’t live together, some of my clothes are in a draw and his closet. Snagging his hoodie, I put it on wanting to feel him close to me today.
“You sure you’re okay Pixie?” Chaz asks as he comes back into the room.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in a little bit.” I let slip without meaning to.
“You didn’t tell me about an appointment. You okay?” he asks as he wraps his arms around me. God, I love the smell of his cologne.
“It’s just a checkup, I’m okay. I’ll probably be getting my prescription for birth control updated,” I say nonchalantly hating myself for lying. I want to scream.
“Okay baby, you gonna come by the shop after?”
“Yep,” I say leaning up to kiss him. I always go help him and the rest of the guys out at the shop. They opened a music shop where they not only teach kids how to play, they repair damaged instruments. Shoot they’re also in the process of renovating the back to make a recording studio.
I’ve never known men who were so inspired by music as these guys. Chaz always seems to have a song playing in his head. Whether it’s from one of his favorite bands or one he’s working on. He’s so talented and could go all the way if he wanted to. However, he and the guys prefer to play locally. To them it’s more personal than them hitting the big time with a record label.
Glancing at the clock on his dresser I notice I’ve got to get going or I’ll be late alongside him. Giving him a kiss, I start to leave only to be stopped by the hand on my wrist.
“Love you Pixie,” Chaz says softly as he draws me back into him.
“I love you too Mr. Broody. Always,” I whisper leaning in to give him another kiss. Neither of us seems to ever be able to let the other go. And I don’t know if I’ll be ready to let him go when it’s my time.
Sitting in the exam room waiting on my doctor to come in I become anxious by the minute. I have all these questions swarming around in my head. Questions I need answers to.
A knock on the door causes me to jump as Doctor Meyers comes in. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I wanted to consult with another Oncologist.”
“It’s okay, were you able to find out something to help me?” I ask nervously.
“I’m sorry Jamie but as it stands right now without a match there’s nothing we can do,” he says softly.
“How long do you think I have?” I was barely able to get out with the tears forming.
“A year maybe, but from what you told the nurse when you first came in, I'm not sure. With you being pregnant it could be more strenuous on your body. However, if you were able to go to term with this baby, there’s a possibility your child would be a match,” Doctor Meyers informs me.
“So, there’s a possible chance I could live longer,” I clarify.
“A small chance yes, but that’s only if the baby were a match to you,” he nods his head in agreement.
“Then what do I do next? I don’t want to do anything to hurt my baby.” I rest my hands on my stomach protectively.
“Right now, we monitor you every week. I’d suggest making an appointment with Doctor Taylors, she’s an OBGYN specialist who will be able to help with your pregnancy. She and I have worked together in the past,” Doctor Meyers' voice is soothing as he continues to inform me on what to expect and what could happen.
The more he speaks the more I fear telling anyone about this part. I can hide this but a pregnancy I won’t be able to.
“Have you told your grandmother or sister yet?” Doctor Meyers asks, drawing me from my thoughts.
“No, I didn’t want to worry them yet. I’ll tell them soon,” I say knowing I won’t be able to tell them. I can’t, not yet at least. I want to be happy about Chaz and I having a baby.
“Well I suggest you do so soon. You’ll need them and this baby’s father’s support to get through this. We don’t know what will happen. In fact, why don’t I get the nurses to call over to Doctor Taylors’ office to see if we can’t get you in there.”
“That would be great I’m sure she could give me some more information. I’ll be sure to let everyone know what’s going on soon. I promise,” I tell him.
Nodding his head, he gives my leg a
